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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for own accommodation?

73 replies

Sunnyx · 11/09/2017 15:26

Need opinions on this...going to a wedding which is out of area and would need accommodation for one night. Bride and groom are requesting guests pay for their own accommodation which is £120 per room. I mean I understand that this is a lot for them to pay out themselves but this makes it quite an expensive wedding to attend - outfits, drinks, wedding present etc. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Talcott2007 · 11/09/2017 15:39

Practially all my guests are travelling and staying over in various hotels and b&b's for our wedding next month as we are getting married local to where DP and I live but 2hrs + for 99% of others. Everyone is funding themselves for this BUT as I know how much of an expense it is going to be for people we have (nicely) made it clear that we absolutly dont want any gifts or money as people's effort and expense to attend is the best gift we could hope for

Shumpalumpa · 11/09/2017 15:39

Is the wedding in a hotel and do you have to stay in the hotel?

There was a thread where a couple got married in the venue for free as long they booked every room in the hotel, and the couple made their guests book rooms in the hotel at £250 each!

ChasedByBees · 11/09/2017 15:43

I would never ever expect a B&G to pay for the accommodation. It would push the cost of the wedding up by thousands. You can choose not to drink and go home early if you want.

DarceyBusselsNose · 11/09/2017 15:43

She wont have paid for the rooms up front - she may have a negotiated deal that guests can stay at a reduced price. Even your last comment is a bit wishy washy, its what you think might be happening but no concrete facts Pretty sure they have paid for rooms upfront but expect guests to pay As ever, try phoning and asking

I do wish Ops would contribute occcassionally to threads

Mummaofboys · 11/09/2017 15:44

It's normal for people to pay for their own accommodation if it's a bit pricey for you is there a different hotel in the area? X

Original poster
Sunnyx · 11/09/2017 15:45

I see where you're all coming from. The way it came across was that there are rooms booked and we owe them the ££. I thought it was a bit cheeky but after reading your comments, they probably don't expect us to stay there if we don't want to and can find something cheaper. I'm sure when I ask, this will be the case!

OP posts:
diddl · 11/09/2017 15:48

"I'm sure when I ask, this will be the case!"

Ask what?

If you can stay elsewhere?

Of course you can!

You don't have to go either if you can't get there/can't afford to...

Even if it is your SIL!

FuzzyCustard · 11/09/2017 15:49

I wouldn't even ask her. It would give her too much leeway to whine/persuade/badger/hector....

Just book whatever it is you want to do and inform her you won't be needing the hotel room of her choice.

AnathemaPulsifer · 11/09/2017 15:49

Could go either way. Sometimes it's a block booking of rooms to ensure the wedding gets first dibs, but unblocked rooms won't be charged. Sometimes the hotel has a minimum number of rooms that must be booked in order to book the function room, and if these are overpriced it would be polite to the bride and groom to subsidise the excess cost slightly since effectively it's part of the wedding cost.

The way to tell the difference is probably to say breezily "oh that's a bit much for us. No worries, we'll sort out cheaper accommodation elsewhere"

AnathemaPulsifer · 11/09/2017 15:50

polite *of the bride and groom

expatinscotland · 11/09/2017 15:51

Don't stay there, find somewhere cheaper and then tell them nope, you're staying in X. If they balk, too bad.

EamonnWright · 11/09/2017 15:51

I was in the same position. They'd paid to block book and expected others to pay what was a lot of money for basically somewhere to fall down drunk. People booked elsewhere and they were left with empty rooms. The bride fell out with folk over it.

Slimthistime · 11/09/2017 15:51

gird yourself

many couples will badger you to stay in the room in the venue, presumably they block booked or booked the whole place

it's ridiculous, of course you should stay where suits you but some people aren't willing to suck up the cost of their own wedding.

tellitlikeitispls · 11/09/2017 15:53

I don't really understand the problem? Unless they are requesting that you stay in a specific venue. If you go to a wedding, you pay for everything yourself, or you don't go.

tellitlikeitispls · 11/09/2017 15:54

Sorry missed the updates. If they are expecting you to stay at 'their' venue, thats cheeky, but they are probably just hoping you will.
Stay where you like. Travelodges and Premier Inns are your friend :)

Travis1 · 11/09/2017 15:54

Normal to pay for your own accommodation. If you don't want to stay in the hotel they've picked perhaps look for a Premier Inn etc nearby

Original poster
Sunnyx · 11/09/2017 15:55

I have never been to a wedding which was so out of the area for myself and most if not all of the guests. I wouldn't know if the bride had booked rooms for most guests so then I would feel obliged to pay for the expensive room so not leaving them with a huge bill! Obviously I need to check...she may just have booked a small amount of rooms.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 11/09/2017 15:56

Its become a thing where some hotels have tiers of room rates. Bottom tier is standard rate, B&G cover cost of wedding. Middle rate is higher and partially subsidises the wedding. Top tier is premium rate and covers most if not all of the cost of the wedding.

Try calling the hotel and finding out how much a room would be on the same day of the week in the same season and if asked, you are not attending a wedding. You will see if they have increased the prices to cover their costs.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/09/2017 15:57

The way it came across was that there are rooms booked and we owe them the ££

Then that's their issue to sort out. If they're offering an available room but are quite happy for you to choose somewhere else that's absolutely fine

If, on the other hand, they've cut some sort of deal to reduce their own costs and expect you to stay to enable this, that's something else entirely

RachelP247 · 11/09/2017 16:00

I provided my guests with a list of hotels varying in prices surrounding my venue, you don't have to stay at the specific hotel they suggest to attend the wedding. Could you share with another guest and split the cost of the room?

Some of my guests found that a taxi home was cheaper than the hotel so opted for this instead.

lalalonglegs · 11/09/2017 16:02

Yes, I have heard of the bride and groom doing a deal as PyongYang outlined - guests taking the rooms at a generous rate to subsidise the cost of the wedding venue. That is why there is often quite a lot of pressure from the happy couple to book rooms at that particular place. I think it's a bit shitty myself and would make my own arrangements.

TonySoppyrano · 11/09/2017 16:03

I'd always expect to pay for my own accommodation but I don't have the money, time or inclination to trudge away from home for a whole weekend for an event which is guaranteed to be a carbon copy of every other wedding I've ever been to so I would, and do, just decline.

Poshindevon · 11/09/2017 16:03

Simply say the £120 is expensive so you will be staying at the Travelodge.
It is usual to pay for your own acconodation.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/09/2017 16:05

if the bride had booked rooms for most guests ... I would feel obliged to pay for the expensive room so not leaving them with a huge bill

Why? And since when has it been the place of a B&G to expect guests to suck up accommodation costs they've decided?

It may not come to that of course, but offering the chance to stay in one thing, expecting quite another

RachelP247 · 11/09/2017 16:08

Oh and having read the comments now - I did block book the whole hotel to ensure we had private use of it as our venue (was a small country hotel!) but people were free to book wherever they wanted basically because it was an expensive room to chuck your clothes into a heap on the floor of at the end of the night... and I just gave the hotel a list of names of people who would be staying and a list of the rooms they could free up (just before their cancellation policy.... ;) )

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