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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tell me not to be pathetic ...

56 replies

Giraffey1 · 11/09/2017 13:05

Posting in here for traffic, tho this is more about relatioships than AIBU.

I'm splitting up from my H. Told him mid-March it was over. It was a shock for him and he initially took it very badly. Seems reconciled to things now and things between us are generally very amicable, considering.

Today it's my birthday. I had lots of random good wishes from internet weirdies and Facebook randoms, some cards in the post. H got up, talked about random stuff including whether he could have something I'd bought (I'd put it to one side to be packed away with my things), why his phone was playing up, the dogs etc.

Got to about 10.30am and in the middle of complaining about his phone, said in a real 'aside' sort of way: 'Happy birthday'. Then carried on texting. No card. Nothing.

I wasn't expecting a gift but surely a card wouldn't be too much for him to sort? 1've been trying hard to ne kind throughout this split but honestly, I am thinking ... why am I bothering?

It was the same back in May when I was hit by a horsebox driving home from a weekend away. I texted him to say I was going to be late becaue I'd been in an accident. He didn't ask if I was ok, if the car was damaged or anything. He didn't mention it until about a month later!

I know I shouldn't care, but I do. It makes me sad that he can't be kind.

He'll still be exepcting me to do all the dog sitting while he goes away, spending my money on his CDs and vinyl while there are vet bills and other to pay and carrying on just as if nothing else has changed. He should be saving money and working on getting the house ready to sell not sitting on his arse listening to music for hours on end!

It sounds silly and pathetic, please tell me to get a grip!

OP posts:
Giraffey1 · 12/09/2017 20:29

No, I have not sent him any signals. None at all. I've said and done nothing to suggest I am disappointed. I was not seeking a romantic gesture. And no, he hasn't read the thread, he is a terrible Luddite when it comes to rechnology....

I'm not going to stress over it, but I do thank everyone for taking the time to respond!

OP posts:
HiJenny35 · 12/09/2017 22:27

You are being pathetic
You've split.
He said happy birthday.
No you shouldn't expect a card or present-you've split.
Stop sending mixed messages by being upset by not getting one.

HiJenny35 · 12/09/2017 22:28

You don't have to say anything, it will be clear that you weren't happy.

Giraffey1 · 12/09/2017 23:32

I will repeat that I did not expect a gift.
I did not say or do anything to give him any inkling that I was either happy or unhappy. You are wrong to say it will be clear that I wasn't happy.
Knowing him as well as I do I thought - not expected - that I might get a card. It is the kind of person he is. And actually, I was proved right.
I am not sending mixed messages.

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 13/09/2017 01:46

You've been married 14 years - you won't need speak for him to pick up on the vibes.

I doubt you would get more if you took it via the legal route.
Unless you have dc living at home then the split of assets will be 50/50.
You had no problem with his 'lack of financial contribution' for 14 years....so he could actually argue for a bigger share considering his 'lack' of earning power.
Housework - again, your own fault for putting up with a lazy husband. So no point whingeing about it now.

Frankly, you should have separated finances 6 months ago.
You CAN do that whilst still living under the same roof.

Gorgosparta · 13/09/2017 04:41

If he does have a job how can he save to movebout or afford anywhere?

Why hasnt he worked?

You say he wasnt a house husband and cant prove he was. How would you prove that?

I think you need to actually split. It sounds like you have just carried as before. Except you both consider yourself single.

He has been out and bought you something. With your own money. You need to actually move forward with the split.

The lines are being blurred.

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