sick of baby development competition...

[Schwanengesang]

10mo DS vs. other kid at baby group. They're the two oldest in the group. The other babies, up to 4mo younger, all fall between them developmentally.

Other kid is very, very developmentally "quick" - rolling round the room at 4 months, crawling at 6 months, walking at 9 mo, saying "Mum" Dad" and "milk" (applying semantics, not just babbling) at 10mo. Into everything, does all the activities correctly. Loads of family support, kid always in lovely new outfits bought by visiting family and friends, beautiful hairdos with ribbons, etc etc.

DS is lovely, normal, but developmentally slower. Sitting at 6mo. No crawling or bum shuffling. Babbling with some semantics (ie same noise each time for "interesting!" or "I want a feed!" etc). Gets overwhelmed by loud noises & intrusive people, particularly this other kid continually poking him in the face at baby group. Likes nice soft classical music, cries at the Wiggles turned up to 11 that baby group has recently started doing. Sits feeling the paintbrush and eating paint rather than painting masterpieces. Etc. No family support, relatively few friends; wears what clothes I can buy secondhand as my priorities lie elsewhere (music, books, lots of trips to the gardens/museum). Is a bit bald, likes taking in the view, but has bright eyes and a lovely little conspiratorial grin that he shares with me, DH and a select few, and generally behaviour that demonstrates he has a very good grasp of what's going on.

Other mum asks every week if we have taken him to the doctor yet because he's slow. Comments every week have included:
"oh poor [DS] that's not how you do it, look at [her DD], see what she's doing!" (painting, playdoh, playing in shredded paper, etc)

"oh, poor [DS], you look like you're still wearing your pyjamas!"

"oh, poor [DS], even your hair is slow, you're like a bald little tiny baby! look at [her DD]'s hair!"

"oh, poor [DS], can't you say Mum yet? your Mummy must be sad you're not talking properly yet."

"oh poor [DS] don't your grandparents like you? Nobody ever comes to visit you!"

Sigh...

We live in a small town a long way from everywhere else (not in the UK) where everyone pops up in lots of different contexts and everyone knows everyone else. They will probably go to the same primary school. So this looks set to continue for years unless I can somehow get it to stop.

Suggestions for what to do, please other than telling the other mum she's a pain in the arse and to sod off

You tell her she's a pain in the arse and to sod off.

I know you don't want to but seriously, she's being a bitch. Don't take it from her.

Ask her politely to stop commenting on your child's development and focus on her own child.

Alternatively, tell her to piss off and keep doing what you're doing. Can't stand people like that!

YANBU! What an arrogant and entitled piece of work to deal with! Your DS sounds very healthy and happy, she sounds like one of those Child Genius parents in the making

Tell her to piss off and concentrate on her own child and let you concentrate on yours. If we all developed the same the world would be a very dull place

Please don't even give this person the pleasure of your company or attention!! They are rude and hurtful! Ignore them. Smile if you must but move away from them and keep doing it. They are nasty.

Definitely tell her to get lost. And also remember that some kids store up all their development so it happens in one go. Your son sounds like my daughter - didn't move until 10 months, happily smiling up at me mutely while the other babies were saying first words. Then at 12 months stood up and ran across the room and began whole

Oops, posted too quickly - whole sentences.

People like that other woman are very tiresome indeed.

She sounds like a grade A bitch. Can you find a different babygroup or go on a different day? If it is a small community I would try to stand up for ds and nip this in the bud. Yanbu

Honestly I know it's hard but with someone like this you need to be very frank and direct

Please stop commenting on my baby's development, we have no worries at all and your comments are hurting my feelings.

You Fucking bitch

Take the piss? How about a biggest poo competition, best dribble, longest chew of a sticklbrick or something? Or talk to her through him (very PA I know) don't worry X just because you do have hair yet doesn't mean you won't get it. Either that or a long stare, a raised eyebrows and a 'Really?' She is very out of order. Or say that X is well within normal development milestones and why does she feel the need to ask each week? Then next week if / when she asks again say the same thing and keep looking at her in a really puzzled way until the tumbleweed blows through. Or go with Grimms more grown up suggestion.

Tell her to fuck off or burst into tears. Honestly, this isn't a competition over whose cake is nicest, they're human beings.

My daughter crawled at 10 months and walked at 20. Her speech was slightly delayed and I have requested for her to be looked at by the speech and language due to pronunciation (she's just turned 4). However she does lots of things like climbing swimming etc well before her time. She's intelligent confident and funny and makes me laugh every day. Tell this woman to shut the fuk up. Your child is 6 months. You'll have to grow a thick skin to deal with the comments and just have faith that your child is doing it the way they choose.
My son is hitting these milestones in half the time it took my daughter. It is what it is. Ignore the idiots.

My DS was like this.

He never rolled over, crawled a bit at 10 months, walked at 13 months, said very little until two and a half and now he's 3.2 years he's a total chatter box who can't sit still (his nursery have commented on what a hoot he is and how his sense of humour belies his young age)

The spectrum of development is very wide.

Also, please please please get it out your head that the ability to provide material things will have by bearing on your child's development. Talking and playing with your child will bring them on leaps and bounds in many areas and you can't buy that kind of attention.

YANBU! What an arrogant and entitled piece of work to deal with! Your DS sounds very healthy and happy, she sounds like one of those Child Genius parents in the making

Yup! Plus, honestly, I've not met anyone like this who DOESN'T do it out of insecurity.

Seriously? It's one (massively twattish) thing to boast about your own child's so-called advanced development but quite another to ask if you've taken a baby to the doctor for being slow. What a bitch.

Newsflash. No one ever got a job because they were holding the paintbrush "correctly" at ten months. But I don't doubt you know this.

I think your options are to just try and ignore or to just be upfront once and say something like "your constant comparisons come across as thoughtless and unkind. Please stop making them. There is nothing wrong with the pace of my baby's development and we are delighted with his progress". Then disengage. Until she starts up again, in which case repeat then disengage again.

She'll probably think you're just being sensitive/jealous/horrible because her baby is the BEST BABY EVER IN THE WORLD but really, she sounds awful and I doubt there is much point in trying anything else.

Your baby sounds lovely and so do you!

Ooh bursting into tears is a good idea! Do it infront of others the next time she says something. Cry and sob loudly asking her "why do you always make me feel like this? You are always putting my son down and I don't know why! It's horrible. It makes me feel like a useless mother. Why would you do that to someone?" Lay it on thick with the waterworks. Make sure everyone hears it.

Oh dear God this woman sounds like absolute poison. You're better off distancing yourself from her, otherwise these nasty comments will wear you down. I'd probably be in tears if I had to deal with such comments. Don't let her do this to you.

Silly woman! Say something like "yeah gonna look great on her c.v. that she did x,y,z at x,y,z months/years.... it dont matter when a child does something he will get there in his own time. God forbid the day someone else's child does something 'quicker' than hers.....failing that tell her to shut the fuck up and concentrate on her own kid.

Thanks everyone. I've said quietly a few times that we're happy with DS' development, he's normal and a lovely little boy.

I think today I will try "oh [her DD] it's going to be so hard when everyone catches up to you, isn't it?"

Next week I might try "ooh [her DD] you're so quick you're going to be a teenage rebel soon aren't you... and who will Mummy live through then?"

If those don't work I will ask her outright in front of others if she wants to be the person who constantly comments negatively on someone else's child, because it's not a very mature thing to do, is it, and doesn't model good behavior for the kids, does it... (hard stare)

I agree with JigglyTuff, they're human beings, not exhibits. I also agree that she is probably very insecure, but she's being an undermining bitch and if she does it to DS I am not going to let her get away with it.

she sounds vile,I despise cretins who constantly compare babies development.Children are all different and it has no bearing on their skills in later life whether they roll or crawl at 4 months or 10 months.Avoid avoid avoid.She sounds like a miserable woman.

I think just go straight to this:

If those don't work I will ask her outright in front of others if she wants to be the person who constantly comments negatively on someone else's child, because it's not a very mature thing to do, is it, and doesn't model good behavior for the kids, does it... (hard stare)

The other suggestions are too passive aggressive and will just lead to you both speaking in code to each other through your children. It will be hard to take the higher ground after that.

Wow! You're brave.

Good luck.

You DO sound lovely. I agree with the PP who said Also, please please please get it out your head that the ability to provide material things will have by bearing on your child's development. Talking and playing with your child will bring them on leaps and bounds in many areas and you can't buy that kind of attention.
I agree with this x 1,000,000.

And all those milestones really don't mean so very much when they're so little. My DD started speaking relatively early, but just odd words at first. Her cousin didn't say a word until 2 1/2, but when she started to speak it was immediately in full sentences/paragraphs. As long as your baby's happy, then don't worry!

I would probably say "are you really insecure about something that makes you feel the need to be critical about my baby?"

Tell her to go fuck herself.

I'd have to have my fun and make my own pa comments such as 'Ds you're so creative!' Then an aside to the mum asking if she's worried about her child playing with the toys so rigidly.
And 'you're having so much fun with that paint ds! I bet you're glad I haven't dressed you in a silly outfit you can't get messy' or to the mum
'It must be great that you don't have to look after your child much with all the family helping out. I'm not the kind of mum who likes to palm ds off on family members though - he's far too special to me' etc etc.
The woman needs playing at her own game.