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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To mix wine and diazepam because I'm tired of the pain

29 replies

friendlessfuckr · 10/09/2017 21:38

I'm friendless. I don't know what's wrong with me that everyone cba to keep in touch or respond when I try to. I'm sure it's all within the category of simply drifting apart, they simply don't get much out of friendship with me, rather than anyone hating me. No falling outs for example.

My brother is being very chilly with me as well, dunno why.

But I feel so alone. I'm just not likeable enough to deserve warm friendship, laughter, fun, a sense of community.

I've had half a bottle of wine and am thinking of taking 2mg of diazepam just to make everything hurt less. I just want to not feel the bruised sensation and the shame of being so rejected, just for a little while.

I want to not give a shit that I have no friends, that my family always can shrug me off when it suits them, and to be carefree. Feeling hurt and lonely, it grinds you down, I want a break.

I am very private so no-one will ever know.

Tomorrow I'll make a cup of tea and deal with it differently - muddle through the day as best I can - but for tonight I. Just.Want. To. Not.Feel. Anything.

OP posts:
MadgeMidgerson · 10/09/2017 21:40

I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

That kind of oblivion is very unsafe. Wine or diazepam but not both.

Treat yourself at least as kindly as you'd treat a stranger, please.

Flowers
camelfinger · 10/09/2017 21:41

People are just rubbish. I used to feel sad like this too. I think the only thing that changed was that I got older and happier with my own company. I have plenty of social contact but miss having a deeper friendship. I think I've forgotten how to do it now. No idea about diazepam etc but just wanted to say that I hear you.

DoJo · 10/09/2017 21:42

Please don't. I have no idea what the potential implications of doing that are but there are better options than self medicating. Are you getting any professional help? You are important and worthy of a life with people in it, so try not let this evening's low overwhelm you.

Original poster
friendlessfuckr · 10/09/2017 21:43

The amounts are very small, I don't think they are unsafe. Not a great idea in general.

I just think if I had bad phsyical pain I would take painkillers.

OP posts:
Tempundio · 10/09/2017 21:43

Really not a good idea. I did it by accident once and had horrific spinning distortions of reality until it wore off. It was very far from being numb, it was terrifying.

Original poster
friendlessfuckr · 10/09/2017 21:44

Thank you for understanding what it's like, Camelfinger.
I don't understand people, I really don't.

OP posts:
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 10/09/2017 21:45

Alcohol and diazepam are a bad mix - can be v dangerous (can affect your breathing).

I'm so sorry you're gong through a tough time Flowers

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 10/09/2017 21:46

I understand the lonely feeling, people sometimes don't realise how much it can hurt.

2mg of diazepam is enough to knock some people out. Please do not mix it with wine. As pp poster said, one or the other not both.

Flowers
notanotherNC · 10/09/2017 21:46

Loads of people take valium and alcohol recreationally, it has risks though, but 2mg is nothing. But really? You will still feel shit tomorrow, then what will you do? Take more? You need to address tour actually problems not just try and get a bit smashed and numb the pain for a short time.

Original poster
friendlessfuckr · 10/09/2017 21:47

Is it not bigger quantities that are dangerous though? I'd not do anything dangerous.

OP posts:
chocolatespiders · 10/09/2017 21:48

Please don't take them together.. distract yourself with a book or TV show.

I don't have friends either but I have contact with other people at work. I am sure if my children ever leave home I would never see anyone at the weekend.

Do you have any interests to meet like minded people?

Original poster
friendlessfuckr · 10/09/2017 21:49

Everything I do to address my problems doesn't work though. So far. Maybe it will in the future, but for now I'm in a lot of pain.

Apart from meds or counselling what else can I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
friendlessfuckr · 10/09/2017 21:51

I have hobbies but don't have the money for them right now. I do go to the gym and can have nice five minute chats with people there, but not the close friendships I'm longing for.

OP posts:
FruitCider · 10/09/2017 21:51

Substance misuse nurse here - I definitely wouldn't mix 2mg diazepam with wine. 2mg on its own is enough to make some people sleep deeply. Mixed with wine there is a risk of respiratory depression (and ultimately death). I've had emotion pain bad enough to make me want to get shit faced so you have my sympathy. Still a bad idea though x

mogulfield · 10/09/2017 21:59

I think everyone loses friends and feels that pain at some point Op. we have all been through that pain and it's horrible. Some of your friends do care, but people can get busy/wrapped up in their own lives. Maybe reach out to them tomorrow?
I used to think 'no one bothers with me', and when I looked back at who had invited me to things/looked at what's app groups I was being very negative as my friends had instigated stuff quite a lot.
When I'm in a negative mood though I just don't see it.

Albinohedgehogs · 10/09/2017 22:03

Please be careful you mean a lot more to people than you realise. You could just be telling yourself a negative story could you question the story you're in the babay of telling yourself?
Take care Flowers

Albinohedgehogs · 10/09/2017 22:03

Habit*

CardsforKittens · 10/09/2017 22:04

I know that feeling and I also know that a combination of wine and pills won't fix it. I'm so sorry you're so unhappy. Flowers

You say you're very private... could that be getting in the way of developing friendships? Undersharing as well as oversharing can make social relationships difficult. I'm not suggesting you tell your deepest feelings to strangers (except perhaps in counselling), but might it help if you were able to open up a bit? You might have reasons to be wary though, e.g. past experiences?

I hope you feel better soon. Be kind to yourself.

Seeyamonday · 10/09/2017 22:04

I've done this, not a good idea petal, remember marylin munroe!!! I woke up and didn't know who the hell I was or where the hell I was, have a cup of camomile tea and a cosy bath, even if you are up all night it's better than the alternative.

Miserylovescompany2 · 10/09/2017 22:06

Save the diazepam for tomorrow evening - please don't mix the two

Alcohol simply personifies the state of mind you were already in prior to drinking - not good if you were already feeling low/lonely.

Wolfiefan · 10/09/2017 22:08

Seriously bad idea. Really. Listen to the advice above. Flowers

Mittens1969 · 10/09/2017 22:14

You really shouldn't do that. It's never good to mix the two substances, you'll feel awful tomorrow. I'm sorry you feel so awful. Believe me, I've been there.

But often when you're on your own and feeling down, things can seem worse than they actually are. You're telling yourself your friends don't care because you don't feel yourself worthy of having people care for you.

If you're a private person, it can be hard to take action yourself to make contact with friends, but you really need to start taking that first step yourself. (This is advice for me too, btw.)

In the meantime, wine tonight and diazepam tomorrow is a better plan. Flowers

StarryCorpulentCunt · 10/09/2017 22:17

I accidentally mixed it with Ouzo once. Everything was lovely and hazy for about half an hour then my knees hurt from how hard I landed on them when I sprinted to the bathroom to hurl my guts up. Very bad idea, OP, trust me. Add to that the risk that you might stop breathing while asleep and you have a few pretty good reasons not to.

Original poster
friendlessfuckr · 10/09/2017 22:22

Ugh, well it seems too risky so I won't then. Not going to take it tomorrow on its own either, I'll manage.

I do reach out to people though, but they don't respond. I don't want to annoy anyone so after a couple of chatty messages asking how they are, I have to take the hint and accept they don't want to be in touch for whatever reason.

OP posts:
mummabubs · 10/09/2017 22:33

Just read the thread and wanted to say I'm so glad you've decided not to do this OP, please don't ever mix the two. Even small doses can have disastrous consequences as others have said due to breathing- I used to work on a ward for people with brain injuries and several people I worked with had accidentally overdosed on diazepam through mixing with alcohol and suffered hypoxic brain injuries as a result. I hope you're able to seek support in real life from either someone you know or the NHS/third sector.