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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to refuse to apologise?

48 replies

MosaicMind · 10/09/2017 20:44

DH, SIL, BIL and I went to a birthday party last night. Its BILs work friends birthday. DH and I have met BILs work friend a couple of times and got on well with him so he invited us to the party too. SIL only knows a couple of people through BIL. DH and I know nobody except the birthday boy.

BIL instantly did a disappearing act on arriving at the party and left DH, SIL and I on our own while he mixed with his mates. DH, SIL and I mingled a bit and chatted to various people to be polite as we felt like a set of lemons. We ended up chatting to one particular woman who said she also knew nobody at the party except her own OH. She seems nice and we make small talk.

The party is slow to get going though, it's around 9pm and still nobody is up dancing, so SIL, myself and this woman decide to go and have a little dance to try and kick things off. DH doesn't want to dance so I tell him once the dance floor starts to fill up I'll be back. But about 3 songs in and still nobody else at the party joins in. To be fair the music is crap though. I usually enjoy a dance but I'm not enjoying this. I notice my DH is still all alone and also looks uncomfortable, so I tell SIL and woman I'm going back to join DH. Woman grabs my arm and tries to stop me leaving the dance floor, saying I can't leave. As BIL is still more interested in his mates SIL says she'll stay on the dance floor with this woman. I go back to my DH.

A short while later this woman comes over and tells me she's disappointed in me. Im a bit taken aback given I barely know her but I politely tell her I might get back up for another dance later, but right now I'm having a drink with my DH.

This happens several times over the course of an hour with her grabbing my arm and trying to drag me away, and each time I'm getting more annoyed... I don't know her from Adam, I've chatted to her for maybe 20 mins, I don't even know her name and now she's hounding me. But I try to stay polite and continue to say "maybe in a while".

But she comes back once again and this time becomes quite rude towards me and proceeds to give me an actual telling-off in front of a group of other strangers DH and I have got chatting to...

"Well, I'm am actually really very disappointed in you. You've really let me down. I'm rather upset with you, you know. How could you let the side down like this?!" she says, while throwing lots of disapproving looks and shaking her head at me.

I'm pissed off now and can't bite my tongue any longer. I tell her to bugger off, I'm a grown woman who can choose not to dance if I wish and I don't appreciate being hounded and then being told off like a child by a complete stranger.

She flounces off and I don't see her again for the rest of the evening.

I discover later she actually left the party, then got her OH to complain the next day to the birthday boy that I was rude to her. Birthday boy then rings BIL and tells him I owe his friends missus an apology as I should respect my elders.

But I don't think I do.

I agree in respecting my elders, but the woman was like a dog with a bone who wouldn't take "maybe later" for an answer.

I've never met her before and its highly unlikely I'll ever see this random woman ever again. I'm not quite sure how she managed to become so over invested in whether I danced or not.

WIBU to not apologise?

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 10/09/2017 20:45

She sounds mad.

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2017 20:49

Well to be honest I'd just apologise to keep the peace with everyone and make her feel better. It's not really a big deal is it Yes she was weird but telling her to bugger off was quite rude really.

Trb17 · 10/09/2017 20:50

Tell her to fuck off. What a silly cow. No you don't owe her an apology although she owes you one.

TheweewitchRoz · 10/09/2017 20:52

She owes you an apology, not the other way round. Tell her to get lost.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 10/09/2017 20:54

Ignore her. What you said was fine.

Looneytune253 · 10/09/2017 20:55

I would ask exactly what they're expecting an apology for. Not dancing?? That's ridiculous

Aquamarine1029 · 10/09/2017 20:58

The woman is a lunatic. I'd eat glass before I apologised to her. You have nothing to apologize for.

Ohyesiam · 10/09/2017 20:59

Hard work and demanding are vtwo of the nicest things I can think to say about her . demented comes next. After that it goes down hill

missiondecision · 10/09/2017 20:59

She thought she was more important that she actually was.
I imagine she thought she was being funny rather than actually telling you off. I know someone like you have described, annoying but she gets away with it,
Depends if keeping the peace is important to you. Maybe a "if I offended you" apology ??

Huffletuff · 10/09/2017 21:00

How would you apologise anyway, even if you wanted to? You don't even know the woman!

She owes you an apology.

Moanyoldcow · 10/09/2017 21:00

I hate the saying 'respect your elders' but that's neither here nor there.

You were entirely reasonable and I wouldn't apologise if I were you.

InspMorse · 10/09/2017 21:01

An annoying drunk?
Problem with drink is, people don't know what absolute idiots they become. She probably thought that she was just being friendly in a fun, cheeky kind of way.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/09/2017 21:02

I think the hosts should apologise for a crap party.... introducing you to no-one and playing bad music. You're all stars for staying!

LadyInDread · 10/09/2017 21:04

Get her contact details to apologise. Then tell her she's a loon.

LongWavyHair · 10/09/2017 21:05

She was being rude to you so she deserved to be told to bugger off. Be interesting to know how old she actually is with the silly "respect your elders" comment.

coffeekittens · 10/09/2017 21:05

She was either pissed or thought she was being funny, probably both tbh. I'm guessing the complaint is because she's actually embarrassed by her behaviour and is trying to justify it

GodIsDead · 10/09/2017 21:05

People are fucking crazy. Do not apologise.

MosaicMind · 10/09/2017 21:15

bluntness I appreciate being told to bugger off IS technically rude, but she'd refused to acknowledge all my previous polite responses. Telling me off like a child (I'm 40!) in front of other grown adults was humiliating and belittling - it just pushed my buttons.

If this woman was doing it in a humorous way she certainly showed no signs of it.

OP posts:
notanotherNC · 10/09/2017 21:21

Sounds like the party from hell. Don't apologise and avoid parties with that lot again.

AprilLady4 · 10/09/2017 21:22
Confused
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/09/2017 21:23

She ruined your night by harassing you, I'd have told her to do one the first time she bothered me. You owes her nothing beyond a polite "not now thanks", which you gave her.

What a farce. And truly ridiculous people. I wouldn't bother seeing any of them again!

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/09/2017 21:23

You really dont have to socialise with these people so I wouldn't bother. The message I'd send back is "I'm sorry that i befriended a woman, who harassed me several times over the evening then proceeded to berate me in public. I'm sorry that you find it unacceptable I decided to defend myself as a grown woman as is my right."

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/09/2017 21:24

Also, would anyone be telling you you were rude if you were trying to shake off a man who was drunk, hounding you and not taking no for an answer? Fuck no.

StarfishSeahorse · 10/09/2017 21:25

Erm what? She was harassing you and you were perfectly entitled to stand up for yourself, I think you were quite restrained actually. I hope you told BIL where to go.

StarfishSeahorse · 10/09/2017 21:26

And ignore any nonsense that you were rude, you were bloody not!