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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that maybe it could've waited

54 replies

monkeysee100 · 10/09/2017 18:07

DH Has treated himself to a gift as a treat for a special birthday he has coming up. However we have the following to pay out for:
*friends' wedding- travel, gift
*friends' birthday- fair distance away so travel and gifts
*a close relative's birthday (his side)
*various pet bills- grooming and vaccinations
*house repair- mostly just unsightly but fairly urgent as involves live wire
*various baby bits

It is my birthday too soon. Not a big one but we are foregoing a meal out now to pay for some of the other things. That's fine as I have found a deal for very nice place for his birthday and intend to get a very nice gift but feel that I could've got the item he bought if that's what he wanted.

I'll be on maternity leave very shortly so a little worried about making money stretch.

He 'gives' money to go into savings/pay for increased bills after house move but it just seems that half of it goes back out again and I end up stressing about spending anything including things I've gone months without like haircuts and new clothes (every item of clothing I have bought in last few months has been sale, charity or from gift cards)He has asked his parents to put his birthday money towards some baby items which were the ones I wanted (but head was ruling heart and I felt they were frivolous things).

My aibu is im getting stressed. Should I just relax more and live for the day?

OP posts:
MarciaBlaine · 10/09/2017 18:46

Well I would say you don't buy him anything as he already has his present and he maybe forgoes a meal out as that sounds only fair if you can't afford it.

MarciaBlaine · 10/09/2017 18:48

Though actually, if money is tight, it would be the other trips and gifts I'd be giving up. Wedding fair enough, travel and expense for other people's birthdays would be a big no no .

Chillyegg · 10/09/2017 18:51

I'd not go to friends wedding and I'd forgo his present and birthday meal.

TheDuchessofDukeStreet · 10/09/2017 18:54

A small present and cook a birthday dinner at home?

Mrsmadevans · 10/09/2017 18:57

I think you are just in worry mode whIch is understandable my dear.
He sounds very sweet tbf if he has asked his parents to give his birthday money toward things for the baby. Try to relax a little and concentrate on the wonderful times ahead you will have , congratulations btw and Good luck

CoughLaughFart · 10/09/2017 19:07

I'm on the fence. It seems unfair that you're going without and he's buying himself treats. However, from your expenses list that you're spending on friends' and relatives' birthdays happily enough - are you sure he's not thinking 'When's my turn?'

chocatoo · 10/09/2017 19:19

I would just get something v small for his birthday as he has already had his gift.

OhTheRoses · 10/09/2017 19:27

What was the gift. A book I can understand. A maserati perhaps not.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 10/09/2017 19:28

Majority of your post I'd have said yanbu- but not sure why you'd put spending out on a friends birthday (including travelling there) over getting a small gift for your Dh. I'd feel a bit shit if my Dh shelled out for a friend's birthday and then did nothing for mine and complained about a small treat.

OhTheRoses · 10/09/2017 19:31

I do think perhaps you're at the stage where expectations need revising. Gifts to self stop with babies and now we are old we don't always accept wedding invites. £150 gift is fine. Add a tank and a half of petrol, hotel for at least one night, possible new frock and the whole shebang adds up to weekend at Centre Parks or cottage in Cornwall.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 10/09/2017 19:32

Majority of your post I'd have said yanbu- but not sure why you'd put spending out on a friends birthday (including travelling there) over getting a small gift for your Dh. I'd feel a bit shit if my Dh shelled out for a friend's birthday and then did nothing for mine and complained about a small treat.

I agree.

Original poster
monkeysee100 · 10/09/2017 19:37

Treat is a watch about 250. I've planned to spend about 1000 on his present/s from what I/we have in savings. I just think he could've asked me for that and had some surprises. I planned to get him a decent keepsake watch not electronic thing that will be obsolete in six months ( like the last two I have bought him for various birthdays/Christmas)

Wedding shouldn't be that much as not a close friend and only evening do in a non hotel venue but I think it's the fact that these things get overlooked and I can't tell if it's me being overly anxious, him not thinking about other things or a mix of both.

OP posts:
Tilapia · 10/09/2017 19:40

Don't spend 1000 if money is right at the moment! That's crazy!! Shock

Tilapia · 10/09/2017 19:40

*tight not right

Anymajordude · 10/09/2017 19:40

You what? £1000! You are not struggling for money if you're planning to spend that on his birthday gift.

Original poster
monkeysee100 · 10/09/2017 19:42

Well I had this earmarked already and we have a fair bit in savings. It's just I think he thinks 'we'll we have x in savings' but doesn't see how far that might need to go.

OP posts:
MsJolly · 10/09/2017 19:43

£1000 on a watch?!!! Am shocked at that and would never spend that much special birthday or not-the £250 would be my maximum stretch.

If things are that tight then you really must rethink your spending ideas

Original poster
monkeysee100 · 10/09/2017 19:43

Not so much right as being cautious.

We can afford these things if we don't splash out on random treats mid month

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeysee100 · 10/09/2017 19:43

*tight

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 10/09/2017 19:49

£1000!! Shock

Slowtrain2dawn · 10/09/2017 19:50

Could you suggest having a discussion at the start of each month about what expenses will be coming up? Also you should not be worried about clothes and haircuts if he can splash out like that. Please use some of that £1000 to treat yourself. Use what's left on his present!

Giraffey1 · 10/09/2017 19:50

I don't get this. You say money is tight and you are stressing over birthday / wedding gifts etc and yet you are planning to spend a grand on his birthday gift ( and a watch, when you know he is wanting to buy himself a watch!). This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Original poster
monkeysee100 · 10/09/2017 19:53

I didn't say money is tight but that I'm trying to make it stretch before mat leave. What I said was there were other expenses this month but his focus has been a treat.

OP posts:
Original poster
monkeysee100 · 10/09/2017 19:55

Discuss each month is a good idea. I've just put up a list of jobs that need doing and a list of things we need/want on noticeboard so we can prioritise. Think the problem is I'm quite cautious (and have save long and hard for big birthday) and he's more live for the day

OP posts:
NoProblemForMe · 10/09/2017 19:59

Oh fgs, just spend £750 on him then instead of £1000.

BTW it's not your decision about the type of watch he has for his birthday present.