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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbours asking for help

30 replies

CarolsSecretCookieRecipe · 10/09/2017 12:59

More of a WWYD I guess. Our next door neighbours are repeatedly asking my DH for assistance with various household jobs. My DH is a bit of a handyman (not that I get much stuff done around here ;)) and when we first moved in here, he initially helped them fit a TV to their wall. They actually asked for help with it, which I personally thought was a bit brazen when we'd just moved in, but anyway...

Since then, whenever something's not working, or they need a picture hung, etc, they seem to ask DH. The guy doesn't own his own drill, so will invariably borrow DH's, which then seems to morph into needing his help with the actual job.

They've really pee'd me off tonight. We just stuck our heads out of our front door to admire the sunset and the guy pounced on DH with another request for help and he's now been gone over an hour, and his dinner's gone cold. It's as if they lie in wait for us to go out the front.

Obviously DH just needs to learn to say "no" I suppose, but any ideas on how to put this into action? Thank you :) (We're not in the UK by the way)

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 10/09/2017 13:01

What's your husband's view on it?

Maybe he helps the bloke because he enjoys hanging out with him.

FreudianSlurp · 10/09/2017 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 10/09/2017 13:04

I'd say you've nailed it in your last paragraph! If not in the UK, learn the word for 'no' in whatever country you're in??? (joking!).

You both need to set the tone. So last night the response could have been 'sorry, we're about to eat. I can come over tomorrow?' - make sure that when he does go over it's at his convenience?

Also, I wondered how grateful/appreciative they are? Do they thank him effusively? Do they offer to pay for his time? Do they buy him wine or bake him a cake or do something to show their appreciation? That would make a big difference to me.

NurseButtercup · 10/09/2017 13:05

Your hubby could just say no, I'm busy/had a long day at work tired/ just about to go out.

You all of a sudden feel very unwell and you need your husband to stay with you/take you to the hospital.

Your husbands tools are broken/missing - sorry no tools so can't help.

WorriedandExhausted · 10/09/2017 13:12

Talk to your husband about it, tell him its okay to say no,

Then say NO, until they eventually stop. Or you could do the polite version and say you are busy.

pasturesgreen · 10/09/2017 13:14

Your DH needs to grow a pair work on his assertiveness. Why on earth did he go over last night if you were about to sit down to dinner?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 10/09/2017 13:15

I don't mind helping neighbours.

FenceSitter01 · 10/09/2017 13:15

When did people become so insular and selfish?

FallingOrbit · 10/09/2017 13:19

Tell the neighbour your DH has a very contagious bum disease, possibly tropical. JK :)

Depends, if he enjoys helping people out or even just hanging out with your neighbour then provided it isn't taking the piss I think it's ok.

But I suppose what you've described could be classed as taking the piss so I'm not sure! Drop off a screwfix catalogue and point enthusiastically to all the amazing power drill deals they have at the moment!

Pouncival · 10/09/2017 13:22

When did people become so insular and selfish?

I take it you mean the neighbours

Crowdie · 10/09/2017 13:24

It's fine to help people out.

What's not fine is those people then expecting you to drop everything and then they commandeer your time frequently.

My DH is is good at helping neighbours but then again they don't take the piss and expect him to do DIY every five minutes.

HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 10/09/2017 13:28

It would depend.
If the neighbours are elderly or otherwise unable to do the things themselves then its kind to help.
If they simply can't be arsed then say no.

We used to help our old next-door neighbour all the time. She was very elderly and she used to get us to come and change the TV channel for her! fortunately she like it on ITV only so she only needed us to change it if someone else had been mucking about with it.

MrsOverTheRoad · 10/09/2017 13:28

Why not help them? As long as it's not daily!

TidyDancer · 10/09/2017 13:35

For me it would depend on how frequently they ask and on their personal circumstances. For eg, if they are elderly/infirm/disabled/etc and really do need the assistance and it was no more than once a week-ish then I'd be okay about it.

I would also expect some flexibility about when a favour is done. The one needing the favour can't demand it is done immediately.

ladymariner · 10/09/2017 13:35

Well your husband obviously didn't think they were 'brazen', did he, as he keeps helping them. Maybe they're just nice people and he enjoys helping them as they've become friends. Maybe its only you that has an issue with this....

Fairenuff · 10/09/2017 13:43

Maybe your dh likes helping them?

Serialweightwatcher · 10/09/2017 13:46

Same thing happened to us when we moved to a new neighbourhood - everyone has tried to take the piss from time to time ... after being decent for a little while, I told him to start telling them how much it would be etc and not many people ask now Grin

FenceSitter01 · 10/09/2017 13:50

I take it you mean the neighbours

Nicely deliberately misconstrued. Someone asks for help and they are selfish apparently. As opposed to the person who declines to help their neighbour, literally and figuratively. Then they whine about how isolated they are/the ILS hate them/Someone looked them all funny in the playground/why they cant maintain friendships/why their DH goes off with someone that isn't a cold fish

INeedNewShoes · 10/09/2017 13:50

Give them the number of a local handyman.

dataandspot · 10/09/2017 13:56

I wish you lived next to me.

As a single mum this would help me so much. I would pay cash or give presents!

Hulder · 10/09/2017 14:01

My mum is an elderly who asks for these types of favours.

However she is happy to wait until a convenient time and offer to pay the going rate!

Get your DH to learn to say no. Or reflect on why requests to do a job at his own house are not acted on so quickly.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 10/09/2017 14:02

Someone asks for help and they are selfish apparently
Well, that depends doesn't it
I can't be bothered to buy the tools, learn how to do a simple job myself, even though I am perfectly capable, and would prefer to get a professional to do it, at some inconvenience to them without paying them or offering them any recompense?
The yes you are selfish, and I'd throw an entitled in there too.

A relationship where you both help each other out, where there is a balance or one is incapable through no fault of their own, less so.

RippleEffects · 10/09/2017 14:09

I like helping people out but down the line sometimes feel used/ put on. Now, I tend to do favours with no expectation once or twice, but beyond that take a firmer stance on some form of reciprocity.

Do you have any favours your neighbours do/ could do do for you as a sort of labour exchange?

Anecdoche · 10/09/2017 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontSweatTheSmallStuff · 10/09/2017 14:22

And as for lending stuff like drills etc. No No No. Sadly i learned this one the hard way. Never lend out any expensive garden/diy kit unless you are prepared for it to come back totally f*ed up, especially to entitled people who take it for granted.