Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

19mo- any need to worry yet?

36 replies

Quornie · 10/09/2017 12:17

Posting here for traffic, looking for some advice.
If I'm being paranoid please tell me. I'm fully aware I may be and this may be completely normal and nothing to worry about yet, but looking for opinions and the experience of others.
So to give an overview DS is 19mo. He is a confident, strong willed child and one of the things I I would describe him is a 'bit of a handful'. He is mostly a happy child who is very much into everything. He loves to climb on everything and anything he can, in other people's houses he runs about everywhere and likes to get everything out (obviously I don't let him!). If made to stay in one room he tends to throw some really impressive tantrums which can last a while. If I tell him firmly 'no' not to do something he completely ignores me and does it anyway, often looking at me and smirking. He's very destructive and often deliberately tries to break/dismantle things- it's like he has a knack for finding things to do that he shouldn't! He's recently started hitting, and he doesn't even do it when he's angry, he just does it randomly and then laughs when we tell him off. He's a very chatty, interactive child and I'd say his speech is really quite advanced. He can name lots of objects/animals/family members, all the body parts, makes all the animal noises etc, and he seems to have quite a GSOH already and loves to make people laugh. He's not usually very affectionate with me and DP, unless he's very tired, but is very very affectionate with our cat, his cuddly toys and often his GPs (more so my DF and DFIL- he definitely prefers men over women ATM). He's definitely a little character but tbh I've never really thought any of this was that unusual for his age or of any concern.

Earlier this morning we took him to a toddler football class- a free trial to see if he liked it before we signed up for weekly classes. It's for ages 18mo-3yrs old. He's obsessed with footballs and often runs around shouting 'gooooaaaal' so we thought he might like it. There were 10 little boys there with their parents. Some I'd say we're older than DS at around 2 or 3 but there were others there who looked the same age. Firstly, the lady running the class asked all the boys and a parent to sit in a circle with their football, and go round and say their name (or their parent to say it) but from the off DS would not sit still for a second even though every other child sat excitedly and attentively in the circle. DS wriggled and threw a tantrum and ran off. He continued to do this throughout all of the activities and did not attempt to join in on one single one. He was the only child not joining in. They were all very simple activities, kicking the ball into the goal, putting the ball on various body parts etc. DS just would not pay attention at all to any of it, instead he ran around picking up all the goal posts and knocking them over, finding the plugs on the wall and turning the switches on and off, trying to run out of the door and trying to steal any other child's drink he could see. He threw lots of tantrums as I was trying to control him and was very much the odd one out. Needless to say we won't be signing him up just yet!
Tbf he was tired as the class took place at his usual nap time so he wasn't himself. And we live in a flat so I wonder if that's why he's so manic when we go anywhere (although he does get out a lot).
Does any of this sound like anything to worry about at this stage? It was just the fact that he was the only child who didn't pay attention at all whatsoever to any of it, it was really quite embarrassing, especially when the staff were really trying hard to get his attention and he would just run off and try to destruct things, he just wants to do his own thing.
Opinions? As I say I'm fully aware this may be nothing to worry about at this stage, I don't really have many points of reference.

OP posts:
Nan0second · 10/09/2017 12:23

My 2 year 3 month old would not cope with that level of direction in spite of having good language and physical skills. She's 100x better than 6 months ago so maybe in another 6 months, a class like that may work but I'd never even try now.
Some kids manage these things early, most don't. Just relax!

SleepFreeZone · 10/09/2017 12:24

Sounds like a mixture of my two. My 19 month old likes to hit and tantrum and climb. Totally normal, he also loves his books and toys - very different to DS1 who destroyed everything, wouldn't sit still but didn't touch his books or toys till he was three. We tried him with football at 2 and he wouldn't engage at all. Constantly ran up the playing field to the park.

So they are all different and you aren't really seeing his personality yet. He is tiny. Once DS2 turned four he really started changing. He eventually had a pediatric assessment as his preschool were worried about his lack of concentration. He was found to be neurotypical so I think it's just him.

Just enjoy your baby, there's plenty of time for organised activities.

CecilyP · 10/09/2017 12:26

Earlier this morning we took him to a toddler football class- a free trial to see if he liked it before we signed up for weekly classes.

And he didn't like it, so now you know! I can't see the problem, really. Can't you just have a kick above in the park if he seems to like football?

Gorgosparta · 10/09/2017 12:30

Sounds totally normal to be. Or ratger well within range for that age. There is no actual normal.

You took him to class. It didnt suit.

saoirse31 · 10/09/2017 12:32

I'd agree with above posters, plus he's only 19 months, I wouldn't even consider any planned, organised classes till 3 at least. I wonder if he was in fact v much the youngest.

I'd tend to carry on as you are, , ensure he gets plenty exercise, but if you are worried maybe talk to public health nurse

HPandBaconSandwiches · 10/09/2017 12:32

Sounds absolutely and completely normal to me!
Find somethings he'll enjoy that's less rule based for now - go to the park and kick a ball. Save classes for another year or two.

DS has been active since day 1. There's no way he'd have sat still for that sort of class at that age.

Your little boy sounds like a bundle of fun! And don't worry about the lack of affection - he doesn't yet really see himself as a distinct entity from you, he doesn't need to show you affection from his point of view, you're mum and dad, constant and immediate part of his world.

Many mums, myself included worry about this sort of stuff, but in all honesty the worry benefits no one. And he sounds fine!

Smartiepants79 · 10/09/2017 12:34

Directed, structured classes for any child below the age of 3 are a complete waste of money in my opinion. He is FAR too young for that sort of thing. I wouldn't bother for at least another year if I was you.
I would sya his behaviuor is fairly normal. It just needs you to continue as you are and set clear boundaries that and consistantly enforced.
Hitting and destroying things being two non-negotiable things in my opinion. He is only just starting to learn how the world works.

ZZZZ1111 · 10/09/2017 12:41

He sounds completely normal to me!

Quornie · 10/09/2017 12:44

Thanks! I was fully expecting that reaction and I'm glad to be reassured! I am a worrier but I more just wondered if this could be anything to worry about or if this seemed like the start of anything to be concerned about.
It wasn't the fact that he didn't like the class that got me wondering, just more the fact that he was so inattentive and destructive, but I think that's just him. He may well have been the youngest there yes, as I say we're not signing him up and I know now he's too young for anything like that. Tbh we had no idea how it'd go so it was good idea that we took him to the trial- now we know!

OP posts:
Excited101 · 10/09/2017 13:02

He doesn't need to go to a football class, he's 19 months old! Just take a ball to the park 🙂

notanotherNC · 10/09/2017 13:20

He sounds normal. Please don't worry.

bridgetreilly · 10/09/2017 13:28

The football class is normal. But him laughing when you tell him off and continuing to do things anyway is something I would already start to deal with. Simple punishments such as taking a toy away for a few minutes, or sitting him somewhere (safe) on his own for a little bit. So he learns that you mean it.

MsHooliesCardigan · 10/09/2017 13:37

OP, DS1 was an utter nightmare from 11 months to nearly 3. I seriously thought about putting him into care at one point because I was worried I might seriously injure him. He used to hit, kick, bite, throw things, break things. He managed to pull our patio door off the hinges. I remember the health visitor coming to do his 2 year old check and asking 'do you have any concerns about your child's behaviour?' as DS1 headbanged the wall for 10 minutes.
He's 17 now and an absolute joy.

MrsOverTheRoad · 10/09/2017 13:43

Neither of my girls would join in at toddler classes. All the other kids would sit nicely and bang an instrument or whatever, whilst mine wandered off or tried to exit the room.

They're 13 and 9 now and fine. Both have what you might call strong personalities but are well behaved and have a good group of friends.

It's fine! Your DS might just be the type who prefers free play. I still can't get mine to stick at clubs...last one we tried was brownies...and gym. Both are happier with their friends or at home doing their own choice of activity.

mirime · 10/09/2017 13:59

My DS was like that at that age, in fact you could almost have been describing him! At toddler group every other child would sit down for a drink and some singing while mine was doing laps of the hall and trying to drink everyone else drink. We had to take him to A&E once at about 9pm. He was delighted at all the toys and to be out at night and kept going until gone 1am, while every other child there was cuddled up quietly.

He was very active in the womb and he's not stopped since!

mctat · 10/09/2017 14:28

Sounds like a normal, if active and curious, little boy to me. As everyone has already said, he's just not ready for structured classes - esp when he's used to sleeping at that time. Don't worry about the others, some children can deal with structure earlier but tbh free play is much better for children of that age either way.

'Simple punishments such as taking a toy away for a few minutes, or sitting him somewhere (safe) on his own for a little bit. So he learns that you mean it.'

He doesn't need 'punishments'!!! Confused Set him up for success by taking him to places that suit his personality (park? soft play? Big outdoors spaces? Farms & zoos?) and set up a space for him at home where it's ok for him to explore and play as he likes, until his impulse control is a bit better. Regular food and sleep. If he's started to hit, stay very close to him during this phase and block him from doing it, and just tell him you won't let him hit. If he's doing something you can't allow it which is dangerous, remove either the item, or him, and if he has strong feelings about that then just empathise whilst staying firm with your boundary.

mrsjezzabell · 10/09/2017 14:29

Sounds like my 17mth old DD. Took her to Rhythm & Rhyme last week and she spent the whole class climbing off and onto a chair and rooting through my handbag. Completely ignored the class. My DD3 at that age would have been up at the front of the class dancing to the songs. Same daughter loved getting books read to her at that age but this one won't sit still for a second and just tries to pull the pages out!

Phoenix76 · 10/09/2017 14:41

Thank you for starting this thread, I was toying with the idea of starting my own. You've described my dd2 also 19 months almost exactly the same, accept she doesn't have as many words yet. She's so different to dd1! I call dd2 the angry baby. I too, am a worrier, so the responses on here have been very reassuring!

BusyBeez99 · 10/09/2017 15:50

When my DS was 3 we took to football on a Sunday morning. He was the only child to run round the hall and not stand in line
He's 11 now and knows how to behave

Perfectly normal

  • you just have a wilful one! Good luck from another parent of a wilful child!
EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 10/09/2017 15:57

Does he sit and join in at nursery or playgroup OP?

Agree that the football class might be alright when he's older but not now, especially if it's at nap time.

I'd definitely look into ways to stop the hitting and the smirking though.

Racheyg · 10/09/2017 16:02

Op, we did this kid of football class with ds1 at 18months. It was hard work. He only enjoyed it when it was his turn. Hated waiting and would just run off.

He is now 4 and would happily sit down and wait but isn't really interested in football anymore.

Maybe wait till he is alittle older?

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/09/2017 16:07

Sounds about right!

At that age mine were OK in playgroups - playing with toys with other children. But the bit at the end where everyone sat down and sang songs, not so much.

It got better though. And now my youngest (and most wilful!) will stay for songs and try to join in with the actions

If youre really concerned have a chat with your health visitor. But I don't see anything to worry about (easier said than done I know!) Flowers

Quornie · 10/09/2017 16:32

Thanks so much everyone for your really reassuring replies! mirime DS was also very active in the womb!
He doesn't go to nursery or a playgroup but he does go to a CM who has never ever expressed any concerns or mentioned anything like that to me. But PIL who do the other half of childcare for us describe him as 'very strong willed'- which he is!

He plays with his cousins who are of similiar age and on watching him he's quite gentle with them and always offers bits of food or drink he has to other kids- even his grapes to the cat Grin.

After starting this post, something very unusual (but very lovely) has just happened. He's just sat cuddled up lying on our bed with DP and I for around 20 minutes- him staying still for that long is truly unheard of! And for the first time ever he's just voluntarily given us kisses complete with a 'mwah' noise! It was like a different kid! He's currently now trying to climb up my telly stand though and won't entertain the idea of anothrt kiss so it may have been a fleeting moment of affection!
phoenix glad this post has been of some reassurance to you also!

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 10/09/2017 16:48

He sounds normal. Don't waste you money on these classes

MirrorTable · 10/09/2017 20:40

The class was during his nap and he was tired. My DS is 3 and he's a lovely child until he's tired when frankly he's an arsehole, he gets silly and impulsive and will do exceedingly cheeky things for attention.

When he's rested and mentally stimulated he's lovely.

Swipe left for the next trending thread