19mo- any need to worry yet?

[Quornie]

Posting here for traffic, looking for some advice.
If I'm being paranoid please tell me. I'm fully aware I may be and this may be completely normal and nothing to worry about yet, but looking for opinions and the experience of others.
So to give an overview DS is 19mo. He is a confident, strong willed child and one of the things I I would describe him is a 'bit of a handful'. He is mostly a happy child who is very much into everything. He loves to climb on everything and anything he can, in other people's houses he runs about everywhere and likes to get everything out (obviously I don't let him!). If made to stay in one room he tends to throw some really impressive tantrums which can last a while. If I tell him firmly 'no' not to do something he completely ignores me and does it anyway, often looking at me and smirking. He's very destructive and often deliberately tries to break/dismantle things- it's like he has a knack for finding things to do that he shouldn't! He's recently started hitting, and he doesn't even do it when he's angry, he just does it randomly and then laughs when we tell him off. He's a very chatty, interactive child and I'd say his speech is really quite advanced. He can name lots of objects/animals/family members, all the body parts, makes all the animal noises etc, and he seems to have quite a GSOH already and loves to make people laugh. He's not usually very affectionate with me and DP, unless he's very tired, but is very very affectionate with our cat, his cuddly toys and often his GPs (more so my DF and DFIL- he definitely prefers men over women ATM). He's definitely a little character but tbh I've never really thought any of this was that unusual for his age or of any concern.

Earlier this morning we took him to a toddler football class- a free trial to see if he liked it before we signed up for weekly classes. It's for ages 18mo-3yrs old. He's obsessed with footballs and often runs around shouting 'gooooaaaal' so we thought he might like it. There were 10 little boys there with their parents. Some I'd say we're older than DS at around 2 or 3 but there were others there who looked the same age. Firstly, the lady running the class asked all the boys and a parent to sit in a circle with their football, and go round and say their name (or their parent to say it) but from the off DS would not sit still for a second even though every other child sat excitedly and attentively in the circle. DS wriggled and threw a tantrum and ran off. He continued to do this throughout all of the activities and did not attempt to join in on one single one. He was the only child not joining in. They were all very simple activities, kicking the ball into the goal, putting the ball on various body parts etc. DS just would not pay attention at all to any of it, instead he ran around picking up all the goal posts and knocking them over, finding the plugs on the wall and turning the switches on and off, trying to run out of the door and trying to steal any other child's drink he could see. He threw lots of tantrums as I was trying to control him and was very much the odd one out. Needless to say we won't be signing him up just yet!
Tbf he was tired as the class took place at his usual nap time so he wasn't himself. And we live in a flat so I wonder if that's why he's so manic when we go anywhere (although he does get out a lot).
Does any of this sound like anything to worry about at this stage? It was just the fact that he was the only child who didn't pay attention at all whatsoever to any of it, it was really quite embarrassing, especially when the staff were really trying hard to get his attention and he would just run off and try to destruct things, he just wants to do his own thing.
Opinions? As I say I'm fully aware this may be nothing to worry about at this stage, I don't really have many points of reference.

I disagree about the not disciplining (I can't remember who said that). DD is 18 months and 'strong willed' little sod so I give her a few warning and then saybreally clearly that I'm going t count to five and if she doesn't stop then I will remove the activity (destroyed object). All very calm but I follow through. Today I took her out of the bath because she kept standing up and trying to dance about. She was pretty shocked. She just thought she was being playful.

I don't do it for everything. Just the stuff that is important/dangerous. Have you tried training him in one key thing at a time? We're working on going back into the pram,rather than insisting on being carried everywhere when she's tired of walking. It took two weeks of tantrums but she voluntarily climbed into the pushchair today and let me strap her in.

So, really consistent but pick your battles.

Me and my friend took our boys to Little Kickers at 18 months and they were the worst behaved by far. Climbing when they should have been sitting, refusing to wait their turn, having multiple meltdowns. We never went back after a particularly bad day!

'I disagree about the not disciplining (I can't remember who said that). DD is 18 months and 'strong willed' little sod so I give her a few warning and then saybreally clearly that I'm going t count to five and if she doesn't stop then I will remove the activity (destroyed object). All very calm but I follow through. Today I took her out of the bath because she kept standing up and trying to dance about. She was pretty shocked. She just thought she was being playful.'

Nobody mentioned not disciplining. Disciplining is teaching. I'm assuming you mean my post which objected to issuing punishments for perceived misbehaviour - time-out / removing a toy. Nothing you've described in your post sounds like a punishment.

mcat That's a bit picky. What I'm doing is exactly like punishment but without the emotive connotations. I just use a different word. To be fair though that is because I am a teacher and we're encouraged now to focus on 'discipline' rather than 'behaviour' these days.

As I said OP, try working on one behaviour at a time. DD would do laps of every restaurant we go to do I bring a pen and pad of paper for her to draw on and that keeps her settled. A friend of my mum's found her DS really destructive and a handful until he learned how to read. Then he was golden. I think part of it is often boredom and frustration.

Sorry, mctat

My DD is 2 and very similar. She has so much energy there's no way she'd sit in a circle when she could be running around the pitch tearing up stakes and throwing balls! She likes to do her own thing and I think that's fine at this age. She only sits still when she's very tired or finds something very interesting!

It seems 'normal' whatever that really means. Two of mine were like example children, perfectly behaved, can take them anywhere from very young ages. One of my boys is what my mum describes as being "a little sod". At 19 months he was doing all the things you described, was always the only one not joining in with groups, always going off in the opposite direction, hitting instead of communicating or responding in what I would consider to be an appropriate way. He's at school now and a real treasure. Very sociable, good at drama, group activities, and loves his friends and teachers. Still very much marches to the beat of his own drum. They're all different, even from the same household, so comparing to other kids doesn't always work. What I would say though, is that having one older child with autism, and working with families with SEN, I'm always surprised when people don't realise there's something different about their child, or notice them struggling. Early help and intervention makes such a huge difference to a child if they DO have problems or additional needs. So I don't think it's always the answer to just never worry or question a child's behaviour and/or dismiss everything as being normal. Keep an open mind, and also maybe adapt to his strengths and likes a bit. Forget the organised classes, and visiting friends at their homes - if he's hard work when you do. Do more outdoorsy/free play stuff and allow him to play to his strengths.

I know all children are different but he does sound a bit of a handful. I would start putting things in place to tackle this behaviour. Time out, removing toys e.t.c If you've ever seen Supernanny there are some awful kids on there (not saying yours is) who push the boundaries. I've also seen parents with older kids that don't discipline, they let their kids run wild and their response is oooh he's so independent or he's so strong willed. Nooo. Sort your child out, set them some boundaries and teach them what is wrong and right. In that football situation I would have removed my child. Whether he was tired or too young for it.

It all could sort itself out or you'll be making an iron rod for your back.

mygorgeoussmilo Autistic behaviour can just look like naughty behaviour too. This was one of my thoughts. How does he communicate?? Does he point at/for things. Ask for things e.t.c

Everything is probably fine but if there are some behavioural problems it's best to deal with it now and not ignore.

mrholmes he's a good communicator, main girl most familiar objects and saying short sentences. He tends to state what he wants and it is usually very obvious to me.

In terms of discipline I do feel I am doing everything I can with things like that ATM, although sometimes feeling a bit out of my depth at times I admit! If he repeatedly hits I do do a time out for a very short amount of time (a minute or so) and it works for a while afterwards. I am firm with him and do not let him run wild anywhere, and I am continously trying to set boundaries for him and do tend to ignore his attention seeking tantrums as best as I can (providing he's safe) At the football class he wasn't really misbehaving to the point where I would have to remove him, it was for half an hour and he was mainly just running off and doing his own thing. Obviously if he had been causing a disruption to the other children that would've been different. Thanks though, that was the point of my post as to whether this sort of behaviour seemed like anything to keep an eye out for, which I am always doing anyway.

'mcat That's a bit picky. What I'm doing is exactly like punishment but without the emotive connotations. I just use a different word. '

I disagree it's picky. If you think it's the same then you misunderstand the meaning of punishment. Punishing is the imposition of an unpleasant or undesirable consequence - dishing out some adult imposed illogical consequence for normal childish behaviour, rather than looking at what the behaviour is telling you and acting accordingly to set up your child for success. As I have said, to discipline means to teach. Very different. Punishing causes shame, frustration and disconnection with the child.

For example, removing a toy because a child can't play with it safely in order to keep everyone safe and show them that behaviour isn't acceptable is completely different to, for example, isolating them (timeout) for the same thing.

'Time out, removing toys e.t.c If you've ever seen Supernanny there are some awful kids on there (not saying yours is) who push the boundaries.'

Normal children push boundaries. These 'awful children' just likely haven't been given respectful discipline. Super nanny's methods are awful and will backfire.

OP I'd suggest having a look at Janet Lansbury's website or book.

Behaviour is just a way of communicating, maybe think about what he's trying to tell you when his behaviour is challenging. E.g. hungry, tired, over whelmed, not ready for group situations, over stimulated etc etc. He sounds like he needs a strong routine so he knows what is coming next plus lots of free outdoors time and room to explore.