To feel so ashamed?

[Hugomcwooferton]

I had a phone call from the Drs today, yes. On a Saturday because I had routine bloods done recently and they found I'm deficient in Folate- they told me that on Thursday but they forgot to mention I also have pre- diabetes.

I'm 26. That's disgusting. I've been referred to the diabetes dietitian, I'm so ashamed that I've done this to myself. They were very nice in explaining that it's reversible/ controlled by diet but I just feel so disgusted that I've abused my body to this point.

I know I need to do something about it, and quickly. My therapist says I use food like a form of self harm.. which does make sense as my Dad passed away when I was 12 and I was 'the girl who's dad died' then I moved across the country and didn't have a label and as I started eating my feelings away I became a bit bigger and became the 'chunky new girl' which was SO much easier to deal with! Now 13 years later I need to deal with it all.

Fuck.

Im 26. How the hell do I even start? It feels so overwhelming. I know it's been entirely self inflicted but I still feel so shocked and awful.
Sorry not sure why I'm even posting, I just needed to get it out of my head.

AIBU to feel ashamed that I did this to myself?

Circumstances did this to you. And you are one of so many people with this issue. Don't be so hard on yourself and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

I know of people who are genetically diabetic - type 1 and 2. For them there is no cure and they accept they have to have insulin injections for type 1 or up to 8 tablets a day for the type 2s.
If yours is caused by obesity I urge you to loose weight and get some help with your other issues.
If you don't the exciting prospect of low sex drive diabetic neuropathy constant urination, thirst awaits and if uncontroled gangrene, blindness, heart disease awaits.

@KarateKitten thank you

@mytilini I will be don't worry. I'm more embarrassed that I've been referred to a clinic for people at risk of developing diabetes run by one of my colleagues but I've also joined a gym and weight watchers today. Plus downloaded my fitness pal.

I won't carry on like this I hade far too much to live for but I just feel sad that I've done this to myself. Yes it is obesity based.

Be gentle with yourself Hugo. Yes, you need to address it, but shame is rarely an effective motive. Have you had any counselling re losing your dad so young?

@TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom no, I had some really naff counselling at the time from the hospice he was planning to go into but it was entirely inappropriate because it was aimed at children and whilst I was a 12 I had also been a carer and had grown up a lot maturity wise, as 2001/2003 our family had such a shitty run of luck, my dad had bowel cancer and 6 months into his treatment of chemo my mum had breast cancer and had a full mastectomy and reconstruction.

At one point they shared a hospital room (care was paid for by my dads work so both went to the same private hospital) so I was looking after myself for a while with grandparents popping in from 7pm but I had to sort myself out for a little bit after school and the impact of it made me grow up a lot. Sorry that was deep!

I think counselling would be something I would benefit from

I'm doing WW after struggling to lose weight gained after 3DC in 5 years. My GP here in the US had me see a therapist for help with emotional eating. The combination of WW along with a good therapist working with me on my food issues has been very effective. I have lost 25lbs since joining WW and my BMI is now in the overweight band.

It's great you are taking steps to make changes. I really like the WW program for myself. It's focused on permenant lifestyle changes. As you are pre diabetic I think they limit your fruit whereas normally you can eat unlimited amounts.

Please don't feel ashamed OP, you had so much on your plate at 12 years old.

You may feel you were a mature 12 year old (practically most definitely, emotionally certainly not) please seek professional help

you don't have anything to be ashamed of, eating issues often arise from mental health conditions, and had you by a quirk of nature developed anorexia instead of over-eating, you'd not feel the same stigma. that's societies fault, not yours.
The thing to concentrate on now is to realise you are worth taking care of, you are worth getting well, both in terms of your mental health and your physical health. you matter. and thats whats you need to work on. Good luck, x

Hi OP. I am similar to you in a few ways but much older, and no idea why I've used food in the way I have but working it out with a counselor.

"AIBU to feel ashamed that I did this to myself?"

Yes, my dear you are. You should not be ashamed as shame will absolutely do the opposite of what you wish it to do.

Totally agree with TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom.

If thinking about all the bad effects of diabetes helps you, by all means go ahead and read them. But generally I think being positive and seeing yourself (in your mind) getting fitter etc will be more positive than fear of what can happen.

Please get counselling for what happened to your parents and how you were forced to grow up so quickly.

I am sure your GP has told you about food information classes which will explain to you how to eat better (it's not just about healthy eating but about avoiding certain things etc) and about getting checks on your eyes and other things. The info on my eye check was delayed and I waited about six month's longer than I needed to. I now get my eyes checked annually.

You have not go diabetes because you are fat - you have a propensity to diabetes and weigh more than is healthy - because not all heavier people are diabetic. And not all diabetics are heavy. But it does 'go with' type 2 diabetes, as far as I am aware.

Oopse, sorry pre diabetic, you are not actually diabetic. Please just note I thought you said diabetic so I don't know if the eye tests are required yet.

Please pm me if you want to share successes. I am also trying to lose weight it is very hard. Getting counselling will hopefully help.

Re clinic run by a colleague, is this for food info or anything else?

Whatever it is for, this is a chance to receive help. If you really do not want to go to this one you could ask if there is an alternative venue/time, you do not need to say why. Personally , I would just go and no let it bother you but if it really does hinder your getting the help you need there may be an alternative group.

Please don't feel ashamed I think plenty of people have similar experiences with their health and if you look at it another way you went through the process to get the results as you were conscious that you needed to look after your health which is why you've got an early warning.

So many people have problems coming from sugar and sugar-related products, with about 71% of Americans over twenty (for example) being overweight, and 38 % of them being obese, you're hardly alone. You don't think all of these millions of people actively choose to self-harm in order to get obese, do you? It seems more like a general food-related problem that affects millions upon millions. You have no reason to be ashamed, instead you can be proud that you've found this out so early in life so you can do something about it while it can be reversed. OK, it was unlucky that it was your colleague running that clinic, but that way you could also probably count on some special treatment and special encouragement since you've got a personal relationship and ties to this individual. I have also thought a lot about this problem, and come to the conclusion that part of the key is to avoid sugar and high fructose corn syrup as much as is possible. In the sixties people weren't this fat, so looking at what people actually ate in those days (and how often) might be one key. I'm not so fond of the Weight-watchers anymore, I've been a member several times in the past, and have abandoned it for other methods which I feel more confident about. If you don't like the gym, you could always go for a walk for one hour a day.

AlphaStation great post.

YABU to feel ashamed yes, because you didn't deliberately set out to cause yourself health issues.
You have had some terrible circumstances to deal with in your life, and you are definitely not alone in turning to food to help you.
The thing is that you can do something about it now, it's not too late. So you need some help with where to start - you can either ask to see the dietitian (although be wary of any dietitian who offers you a "standard diabetes diet plan, as it will be FAR too high in carbs - this diet plan is designed for type ONE diabetics who require a certain amount of carbs in their diet to balance the insulin they take - it's NOT appropriate for syndrome X/ insulin resistance/ pre-type II diabetes)

If you get no joy from the dietitian (and it will largely depend on the individual) then you can try weight watchers or similar; or if you have the self-motivation then read up on low carb diets, low GI diets, and do it for yourself.

My feelings are that it is always a good idea to go low carb with pre-diabetes - reduce the stress on your sugar-control systems - and start exercising in an appropriate fashion (i.e. not too hard and fast!). There are books on how to help reverse insulin dependence - if you have the funds, buy them, if not, try and get them from the library (if you still have one!).

Best of luck and remember - you can do this, you CAN change your health picture. x

Don't feel ashamed, OP. We're all only human. Be happy it has been caught early before any serious damage has set in.

Why not invest in a glucose meter and some testing strips and start logging which foods agree with you and which don't? Also experiment with portion sizes! We are all slightly different in what we tolerate and there's no point eating what you think is a healthy diet if some components of it aren't doing you any good.

I also recommend joining diabetes.co.uk. Their members are really friendly and helpful.

Join slimming world or a support group. It worked well for me.

Op dont be ashamed.

Thats not going to help and likely to lead to further binge eating.

You have the facts. Its a fact. Not a judgement or a label.

Dont think of all the weight you need to loose. Think of making small changes.

I was told i was prediabetic. I have pcos and was overweight to so not a surprise. I did fairly low carb. But slowly. I ate less bread. Not cut it out. Reduced sugar slowly. I just made sure i ate less than last week. Rather than cut it all out.

My bloods tell me i am not pre diabetic anymore.

I still want to lose weight. So joined slimming world. A friend wanted to and it would be good to do it together. Despite what people think its perfectly possible to do low carb on slimming world and i dont eat muller lights and all the synthetic stuff.

I am not saying slimming world is the way to go. I am just saying what i did.

I have never worries about how much i have to lose just think about the next week. Or the next half stone.

OP flowers for You, my mum had breast cancer but is in remission now, I cannot imagine going through that with both parents at such a young age. I have used food in the past as a form of self harm definitely although I had no reason to, I just mean I see where you are coming from.. what's helped for me is to keep reminding myself that food is fuel for the body only, only eating when my belly is actually rumbling, using some bland food at first I.e chicken and vegetables for dinner then adding flavourings later and rewarding myself in other ways I.e a nice long hot bath rather than "I earned a few biscuits today". It is so hard but you sound like you're on the right track now so good luck OP.

Don't feel ashamed. You can make changes and then feel really proud of yourself.
You have suffered and food has been your coping mechanism. You need help to put new ones in place. You don't need judging. You need support.
Good luck.

The Blood Sugar Diet is tough but has been shown to reduce pre and full blown type 2 diabetes. It's the opposite of WW and SW but has much better (scientific) results.

Op you might find the low carb high fat diet good. Its like the blood sugar diet but we don't count anything. It does work and pretty painlessly. Look for the boot camp threads on here.

titty just looked up the blood sugar diet. Its not the opposite of slimming world. I eat very similar to that. Low cal. Low carb med style diet.

I am not saying anyone should do slimming world. Just that its not compulsory for people to eat tons of carbs and very low fat. But there is that option if people want to. Which most people joining slimming world want to do.

I also highly recommend you read the Blood Sugar Diet book, even if you want to follow WW, SW or any other diet. The book explains how the food you eat affects your blood sugar levels. If you decide to try the method you do not have to stick to 800 calories per day. Many folk have had great results just by following the principals of the diet but not calorie counting. No doubt you could probably incorporate this into your WW diet to some degree.

wow, you really do hate yourself dont you. Maybe you need to work on finding the same compassion for yourself that you do for others