To feel so ashamed?

[Hugomcwooferton]

I had a phone call from the Drs today, yes. On a Saturday because I had routine bloods done recently and they found I'm deficient in Folate- they told me that on Thursday but they forgot to mention I also have pre- diabetes.

I'm 26. That's disgusting. I've been referred to the diabetes dietitian, I'm so ashamed that I've done this to myself. They were very nice in explaining that it's reversible/ controlled by diet but I just feel so disgusted that I've abused my body to this point.

I know I need to do something about it, and quickly. My therapist says I use food like a form of self harm.. which does make sense as my Dad passed away when I was 12 and I was 'the girl who's dad died' then I moved across the country and didn't have a label and as I started eating my feelings away I became a bit bigger and became the 'chunky new girl' which was SO much easier to deal with! Now 13 years later I need to deal with it all.

Fuck.

Im 26. How the hell do I even start? It feels so overwhelming. I know it's been entirely self inflicted but I still feel so shocked and awful.
Sorry not sure why I'm even posting, I just needed to get it out of my head.

AIBU to feel ashamed that I did this to myself?

Don't feel bad OP. You are still very young and have had a rough ride and you coped in the best way you could. You seem to be responding in the best possible way and sound on track to turn your life around.

Can I suggest that if your budget runs to it you buy a Fitbit or some other form of fitness tracker? Walking is a great way to start exercising, you can do it anytime, anyplace, anywhere (i can clock up a mile stepping it out whilst watching an episode of Come Dine With Me) and having a permanent record of your eating/exercise progress etc on your wrist and on your laptop can be a great motivator.

Good luck OP.

Please, please don't feel ashamed. You should be so proud of the practical steps you're taking to make changes to your life and get healthier. Many people, faced with similar stressful circumstances, would do much more harmful things to their body (smoking, drinking to excess, taking drugs) and it's sad that there's such a stigma around weight and food, especially for women. Take the time to congratulate yourself every time you go for a healthy walk, or make yourself something delicious (and healthy) to eat. Don't think about the numbers on the scale. You sound lovely and really together, and I hope you have lots of real life support too. I lost a lot of weight through WW but tbh the thing that really helped was dramatically increasing the amount of vegetables I ate. I imagined it was like my home made gastric band. If two thirds of what I was eating was veg, then I'd feel full pretty much constantly. Courgettes fried in a spray of oil, lots of coleslaw made with low fat yogurt and lemon juice, baked cooking apples, red cabbage cooked with a dash of vinegar and a handful of caraway seeds, roasted cauliflower with cumin and salt... OK, making myself hungry now...

Nothing to be ashamed of at all. Whilst there's ben some good advice on here though, I'd listen to your dietitian first regarding the best diet for your problem. And I think you're right about the counselling; if there's a psychological aspect to your overeating then that definitely needs tackling too.

Look on it as a good thing that they've caught this early - you can absolutely reverse this situation and it sounds like you have a very proactive attitude to doing something about it.

*been

Hugo 💐 I'm sorry you had to grow up so quickly like that. Please don't feel ashamed at eating as a crutch, it's understandable.

Hopefully this scare is the thing you need to help you stop doing it & find other ways to cope.

I was diagnosed with T2 Diabetes a few years ago. I joined BIWI's low carbing (on here, under low carb diets, 'boot camp'. There's a new one starting in October, but there's an ongoing thread). I got my diabetes into the normal range within 3 months. Reduced blood pressure & other things too.

You are pre diabetic, a low carb diet & some walking (or the gym if you prefer) will sort that out for you.

If you want a 'nice space' to hang out, come & join us on the WoollyHugs threads. If you don't already knit or crochet we'll soon change that 😁 Or you can just join in the chat & shake your Pom poms. If you join in with the knitting or crochet it's a great way of keeping your hands busy & wool/food don't really mix, so it stops those evening nibbles & helps people in need. Win/win.

Bottom line is though, stop beating yourself up 🌷

I have to disagree with FlyingGiraffeBox. Some of the dietitians are up to date and some of them are fucking clueless. Many of them still peddling the bullshit that diabetics need to eat carbs regularly throughout the day to keep the blood sugar levels 'stable'. Yes, it'll keep them 'stable'. 'Stable' at HIGH levels, you need to LOWER them, you do that by reducing carbs, not eating them regularly.

A lot of of the dietitians KNOW better but aren't ALLOWED to say this to patients. It's a disgrace.

OP you sound brilliant to me!

https://thefastdiet.co.uk
Michael Mosley's 5:2 fast diet specifically targets insulin resistance with proper scientific evidence. This is better than WW or SW for your purpose, in my view.

Please ditch the "shame" and use this warning to get the emotional help you need and get yourself physically back on track.

You have coped with more than most, I feel sure you can use that inner strength to your advantage now.
Good luck

Some people have a genetic predisposition towards type 2 diabetes Michael Mosley of the blood sugar diet isn't exactly fat. There are a confluence of factors, yes diet, yes excercise but also how well you sleep and your genetics and play a huge role.

I'm going to say something perhaps mildly controversial and say no your not unreasonable to feel ashamed, but not in the context that you deserve this is any way. What I am more saying is that your emotional responses are worth exploring. It's not quite as simple as popping up your thread getting some nice supportive comments and it will all get better.

Most of our emotions have causes and exploring them in greater detail will allow you take full control of your life. You can even end up beating yourself for beating up yourself! It's pretty clear losing your dad at 12 had a deep impact so can I reframe this somewhat? I respect and admire you getting to 26 a bereavement like that is tragic and magnitudes more so for a child. I am sure there is a tremendous amount about you you can be proud of.

Ok you used food to self medicate difficult feelings, so what? There are magnitudes worse things you could have done, and the route you chose ultimately only hurt yourself, and many people go down a path of harming others. All the guilt/shame represents is a recognition that maybe the food strategy has run its course and it's time to heal and Intergrate childhood trauma and move on.

So perhaps counter intuitively I say examine the feelings of shame/guilt and understand their proper context. Talk therapy of some kind may pay dividends here. The blood sugar diet people have mentioned is really good, but allow yourself to get to the root of the emotional dimension, and you should also be pretty proud of yourself for wanting to tackle this and improve your health, 26 is still young enough to correct/mitigate a lot of the problems and there is no reason the next 26 years can't be spectacular for you! Best of luck!!

Please get the correct medical advice for your situation, there is lots out there. For example rice cakes are very low in fat but are pure carbs and not good as a snack food for diabetics. But don't take my word for anything, get all your advice from the correct place for your condition. I'm just saying because if you say you are losing weight people will give you advice they have heard which may well work for them but won't necessarily be right for you.

Dervel "how well you sleep and your genetics and play a huge role." Can you say more about this. I am a bit of an insomniac (hence posting in middle of night) and I know this affects weight and things.

And completely echo others OP who say you have had a lot to deal with. Lots of people self medicate with alcohol, illegal drugs, miss-use prescription drugs etc. As said above, food has only hurt you.

It is complex, emotional eating is only one aspect of over eating. My eating is a kind of impulse eating, not quite compulsive eating but similar. Anyway, use this time to find the right path for yourself. At the root of this is sometimes a real need to love yourself in the right way. Looking after yourself in the best way possible because you are so worth it. All this stuff is very deep, it is not something easy to fix on the surface for some of us, but it is do-able.

I think it is similar to people who anorexic (opposite of course but the issues can be similar). You would not say to an anorexic, just start eating! So for a person who over eats, just eat less, doesn't necessarily work! If you can get a good counsellor to help you I really hope it will help.

All the very best.

Agree with Annie, I got a booklet when I was told I had type 2 diabetes. The booklet was useless, it even indicated I could have rich tea biscuits for a snack and still eat considerable quantities of carbs.

I have reversed it by cutting down considerably on carbs and doing 10,000 steps a day. Oh and ditch all low fat products, they are full of sugar.

You can do it.

Blood sugar diet thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fasting_diet/3020109-blood-sugar-diet-thread-8

Come and join us on our lovely friendly BSD thread. The blood sugar diet was designed to reverse T2 diabetes and pre diabetes.

It's a tough few weeks strict dieting, but your diagnosis is not a life sentence.

Good luck OP

At 26 it's relatively easy to lose weight. Exercise and fewer carbs. You'll sort it, I'm sure.

OP, I was in a similar pre-diabetic condition a couple of years ago, and had had less to deal with in my childhood than you: please don't beat yourself up over how you got here but focus on pushing back the tide. Different things work for different people: for me a very good personal trainer (not as pricey as you might think) held me accountable, worked me very hard and I lost weight safely but steadily over a period of a year. All the pre-diabetic symptoms have gone and I feel very different about myself. I look back on that time as a wake up call. Anyway, all this is just to wish you well and say that you aren't the first to be in this position but with some smart choices now you can turn this into something really positive. I don't say that glibly as it is hard, but it totally can be done.

If you are pre-diabetic low carb high fat will be much much better for you than WW or SW. All the doctors where I work don't just promote it, they do it themselves as it is so much better for you than the traditional weight loss methods and even the NHS sugar free stuff.

My 27 year old son was diagnosed with type 2 in May. He saw everyone he had to dietician etc and in less than 3 months he turned his results round so that he is no longer Type 2. He was careful with food, learned what wa good and bad and he got himself to the gym and actually now enjoys it AND he looks fantastic ... I am a very proud mum but I guess my point is that it can be done and it can be done quickly if you set your mind to it- good luck X

Well the fat that's particularly dangerous for diabetes risk is the visceral fat that surrounds your organs, now obviously being overweight/obese increases fat overall, but thanks to genetics it is perfectly possible to hit all the right targets on weight for your gender/height, but still be carrying too much visceral fat. Which is what happened with Michael Mosley's father and caused him to look at it in more detail.

Re: sleep, being overweight can cause or exacerbate sleep apnea which throws off the whole system, it can cause organ function to be less efficient, hormones being all over the place and can be at the root of personality/mood changes.

On the one hand I feel the general move towards fat acceptance is dangerous, and stands to put more and more people's health at risk. Although being mean and unpleasant is going to compound the problem. Smoking is by the most dangerous dice you can roll when it comes to health, but there isn't anything like the opprobrium directed at smokers as the overweight.

In the end the equation is simple more calories out than in and plenty of excercise, but try doing that when your sleep is all over the place your mood/hormones are up and down and it's suddenly not that simple at all.

The key I think is to give people as much solid information and science as possible. Willpower and drive will have to come into it inevitably, but it's also worth examining and challenging the feelings of shame and laziness as those feelings will certainly not be the actual cause. Like for example there is a difference between being lazy and needing just one godamn good nights sleep.

The good news is once you are on the path to genuine lifestyle changes there are some pretty dramatic and positive benefits even after a week or so. I have a friend who is pretty spectacularly overweight with some major health issues as well (also sleep apnea), and can get very depressed when they slide back into old patterns, but I have tried to point out that even if you only stick it out for a few months you are still magnitudes better off than if you had those months in a bad cycle.

Gonna go against the grain here and say YANBU to feel ashamed. I would feel similar if I gave myself a health condition due to my own behaviour, such as lung cancer from smoking or what you're going through (I used to smoke so no judgment here). Shame can be a powerful motivating factor and it sounds like the shame is propelling you to do something about this rather then just accepting it as out of your hands and allowing it to continue. Better to feel ashamed and use that to crack on and fix it than to feel zero shame and let it continue, surely?

I have so much admiration for you taking this as a wake up call and deciding to do something, when many people would get the diagnosis and shrug their shoulders and carry on as they are or feel that it's not their fault. Shame is a normal emotion and would only be bad if it starts to damage your mental health or prevents you from seeking help. Use it for good. Go you OP!

PS I'm a healthy weight but have put on half a stone this last year and I'm not happy with my body at all, I often feel ashamed at what I've done to myself by over eating. But I haven't managed to convert that shame into actually getting my ass into the gym and hand out of the kettle chips bag just yet so I have so much respect for you deciding to turn this into a positive OP.

Thank you all SO much! I'm going to sit down and read all the comments and look at the threads suggested, I'm going to make a massive change to my life and sort this out!

This is a useful way to feel I think it's not going to be easy so will be useful to look at where and why I started

But I haven't managed to convert that shame into actually getting my ass into the gym because as you know form first hand experience, shame actually sucks the self esteem out of you and makes taking positive steps very difficult.

Hug look up the diabetes UK website - you can sign up to their low carb diet which sends you emails every week and guides your carb eating down from Very high through moderate to lower.

It isn;t too relevant why you are where you are, what's more relevant is what you do about it now.

RaininSummer could you do a ink to the diet you mention, please?

Just wanted to add some more reassurance. In my job, every day, I have lovely conversations with ladies who have successfully lost a lot of weight. Every one of them "glows" when speaking about their success in changing their lives for the better.
Good luck with your transformation.

"Shame can be a powerful motivating factor and it sounds like the shame is propelling you to do something about this rather then just accepting"... I don't think shame is motivating At all it is demotivating. To some it says you are a worthless worm and who will try hard for a worthless worm!

But OP you are fierce and fabulous, you deserve this for you. Do not be ashamed. You have not done this to yourself! You have coped with a shitty hand delt you by life and at 26 you will conquer this.

madison WW is fab for diabetics. There are 4-5 in my group. They have a modified diet in that it's limited sugar through fruit but the same principles apply. With WW you are eating regular food, just learning how to portion size it correctly and they heavily promote having a healthy lifestyle that incorporates movement and making good choices for what we eat.

My weight loss hasn't been impressive. I started in March and it's been a slow and steady decline. The fact my loss hasn't been impressive is fine. I have weeks where I'm up, down and the same. That is normal. I'm losing about half a pound a week. The other benefit of WW is that they have lifetime membership. Once you reach your goal you can keep going at no cost as long as your weight doesn't go above or below a preset range. There is one lady in my group who has been at goal for 3 years and still goes once a month to meetings.

Think of it as GOOD thing - not only have you caught it before it turns into actual diabetes, but it will also be the kick you need to lose the weight and get healthy while you're still younger enough for it to be that bit easier. And if that wasn't enough then look forward to all the compliments you're going to get when you've lost the weight. And the new wardrobe you'll be entitled to buy.

"But I haven't managed to convert that shame into actually getting my ass into the gymbecause as you know form first hand experience, shame actually sucks the self esteem out of you and makes taking positive steps very difficult."

Very much depends, I felt feel shame at how bad I let my asthma get from smoking and it propelled me into quitting which was incredibly difficult.

" I don't think shame is motivating At all it is demotivating. To some it says you are a worthless worm and who will try hard for a worthless worm!"

It really depends on the person. For some shame is paralysing. For others it can be a much needed kick up the backside to do something about the mess you're in. There's no one size fits all. Look at OP: she's ashamed she did this to herself and she'd also determined to do something about it!