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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to kick him out at 2am?!

69 replies

AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 02:02

Beyond angry right now so excuse spelling mistakes and general ranting.....

DH has been away with work all week so I've had DC on my own for the week which has been fine, it's just been a busy week what with work and back to school and the usual joys of looking after young DC.

Anyway, DH wanted to go out tonight as a band was playing at a local pub. Bit inconvenient I thought but worse things have happened. Kids to bed and early night for me. Except he has gone and had so much to drink that I've just found him stood in the bedroom searching for boxers with crap all up his back after spending the last hour in the bathroom. He's been sick everywhere in there and obviously lost the ability to clean himself up.

AIBU to make him sleep in the garden?! Not that I really would but I bloody feel like it. I've slung him the cleaning stuff and told him to get on with it, DC will be up in 4 hours and using the bathroom.

I'm going to have to clean it myself if I want it done properly aren't I?Angry

Should add I've averaged 4 hours sleep a night this week, am very stressed and anxious so maybe IABU through exhaustion.Sad

OP posts:
AintNoRestForTheWicked · 10/09/2017 02:04

You are certainly not being unreasonable. That is horrendous. I wouldn't tolerate that. Has he ever done anything similar in the past?

ineedamoreadultieradult · 10/09/2017 02:05

Yanbu why on earth did he feel the need to get so drunk! He is being very inconsiderate or you and your children and he will be no good to anyone tomorrow. I think if my DH did this I might make them sleep in the bathroom on the basis I didn't want sick and God knows what else in my bedroom!

LondonLassInTheCountry · 10/09/2017 02:07

I would get the kids to wake him tomorrow and go back to bed myself.

His a jerk!

silverbell64 · 10/09/2017 02:10

Bit of a bad one then. If this isn't a regular occurrence then you're very within your rights to be very pissed off with him. If its regular then a massive talk is the way to go with a view to him either changing his ways or maybe you getting out of this.

5BlueHydrangea · 10/09/2017 02:11

Chuck him a duvet, tell him to sleep in the bath..

Topseyt · 10/09/2017 02:12

I would actually be tempted to throw him out and tell him to come back in the morning when he has sobered up.

He is being disgusting, he has thrown up everywhere and is covered in shit. No way would I have that.

Original poster
AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 02:18

Glad I don't seem to be BU.

He does drink quite a bit, almost every night. Usually between 4 and 8 cans. He can drink a lot of beer and not get in this state so he's mixed his drinks. He went out with 2 people and one of them is tee total so I can't imagine there was any peer pressure so to speak.

He has form for doing this but not for a while.

You're right too, he will be useless all day tomorrow and then he goes away again first thing Monday morning.Angry

OP posts:
silverbell64 · 10/09/2017 02:21

Well he's an alcoholic then isn't he. It's up to you what you do about it. I personally wouldn't and couldn't put up with. My sons father was like this and as much as he was/is a nice person he wasn't for me. Decisions need to be made.

MrsOverTheRoad · 10/09/2017 02:24

He sounds like an alcoholic OP...I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It's not normal to drink between 4 and 8 cans a night.

Nor to get so pissed you've got crap all over yourself.

I'd be looking at making him stop or leaving.

I've seen terrible things which alcohol can do both physically over a long period of time and mentally.

Katedotness1963 · 10/09/2017 02:25

Should have filmed the mess to shame him. To hell with that for a lark...

Original poster
AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 02:26

Do you think he's an alcoholic? I'm genuinely asking as I wouldn't have classed him as one. He doesn't seem to have to have it if that makes sense? If he ran out for a couple of days and didn't have time to go to the shop then he'd just go without.

OP posts:
just5morepeas · 10/09/2017 02:26

he's an alcoholic.

i get the feeling you know this, maybe looking for confirmation?

tell him while he's away he needs to have a long think about his drinking, because you'll be having a long think about the relationship.

my Dad is an alcoholic. leaving him was the best thing my mum ever did. kids don't deserve to be subjected to that type of thing. and kids always know.

silverbell64 · 10/09/2017 02:28

OP this is not a one off shame him thing. It's been going on for a long time, I'm guessing. To get into such a state that he actually shits himself and get sick is pretty awful for you and him. Get tough and kick him out.

Original poster
AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 02:35

Honestly, I would not have classed him as an alcoholic. I get annoyed bu it at times because it's expensive and seems pointless but he's always done it. There have been times when we've been tight on money and I've told him we couldn't afford anymore that month and he accepted that, it's been a year or 2 since that has happened though.

He can always talk in a usual evening, isn't slurring his words or stumbling or anything like that, I don't think DC would be aware but then they are young.

OP posts:
just5morepeas · 10/09/2017 02:41

lots of alcoholics are functional, hold down a job and hide it well. but i wouldn't call drinking every night normal, and having a high tolerance for it and being able to drink a lot without seeming affected isn't really a good sign.

the thing is, alcoholism generally gets worse before it gets better (if it does).

maybe i'm wrong, i hope i am. good luck AllIWant8.

Bubblysqueak · 10/09/2017 02:44

Op Google functioning alcoholic and see if it reminds you of anyone.

Onynx · 10/09/2017 02:44

He's what's known as a functional alcoholic. He's at the stage where he needs his maintenance dose- that's why he seems fine after 8 cans. You must know this is not normal behaviour, it's not healthy for you or your DC to live with this. If he is willing to recognise & acknowledge this - help and support are there. I think you have a lot of thinking to do about the whole situation but please do talk to people who can help and guide you through this.

Jgmahe · 10/09/2017 02:44

I'd class 4-8 a night as alchoholic, you don't need to be slurring to be one.

And getting as drunk as that to have shit and vomit all over you is just not acceptable Flowers I'd have a long talk tomorrow about where he is with the drinking and what he's going to do to deal with and if he's not prepared to do anything abou I, what you're wanting to do (leave?)

silverbell64 · 10/09/2017 02:48

Yes OP he's a functioning alcoholic. It tends to come on top now and again for them, i.e. shitting themselves and vomiting due to the body not coping. It depends if you want to live with this. I couldn't but then thats me.

Original poster
AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 02:53

Wow, he does fit the symptoms for a functioning alcoholic.Sad I honestly wouldn't have classed him as an alcoholic and I don't think of myself as naive. Bigger fool me.

Guess I need to have a chat with him once he's sobered up. I can imagine how that will go though.

So much for my early night. 3 hours until DC will be up.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 10/09/2017 03:01

Whether you want to call him an alcoholic or not, his drinking is absolutely unacceptable and will affect his health and his ability to parent. Add to the regular drinking occasional binges where he shits himself and you have a proper problem drinker.
You can't have someone like this living in a house with kids.

mytilini · 10/09/2017 03:06

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valeinoyikbuno · 10/09/2017 03:20

I would be utterly furious with behaviour like that. You'd be better off as a single parent than with such a git in your life. He needs to choose which he wants in his life: booze or family.

Gindingaling · 10/09/2017 03:38

OP, regardless of what he is you are worth way more than a dirty bugger standing in your bedroom with faeces up his back, and sick all over the bathroom.

This could even be happening when he's away.

Original poster
AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 04:16

It could be happening when he's away, his company put him up in hotels with evening meals/drinks paid for. Not sure how he would function the next day though at work.

Bathroom is in a disgusting state and stinks, no way I can let older DC in there to use it until it's been thoroughly cleaned.😷

Youngest DC is now wide awake due to having to be changed after a leaked nappy. Think sleep is a write off for tonight.

OP posts: