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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to kick him out at 2am?!

69 replies

AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 02:02

Beyond angry right now so excuse spelling mistakes and general ranting.....

DH has been away with work all week so I've had DC on my own for the week which has been fine, it's just been a busy week what with work and back to school and the usual joys of looking after young DC.

Anyway, DH wanted to go out tonight as a band was playing at a local pub. Bit inconvenient I thought but worse things have happened. Kids to bed and early night for me. Except he has gone and had so much to drink that I've just found him stood in the bedroom searching for boxers with crap all up his back after spending the last hour in the bathroom. He's been sick everywhere in there and obviously lost the ability to clean himself up.

AIBU to make him sleep in the garden?! Not that I really would but I bloody feel like it. I've slung him the cleaning stuff and told him to get on with it, DC will be up in 4 hours and using the bathroom.

I'm going to have to clean it myself if I want it done properly aren't I?

Should add I've averaged 4 hours sleep a night this week, am very stressed and anxious so maybe IABU through exhaustion.

OP posts:

Timefortea99 · 10/09/2017 04:28

Take photos of him and the bathroom. Show him when he sobers up.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/09/2017 04:41

He's an alcoholic. Full stop. Is this how you want to live your life? Because, trust me when I say, it won't get any better.

junebirthdaygirl · 10/09/2017 04:44

As said it doesnt matter what you call it he has a serious drink problem. The fact that drinking causes problems for others, you and dc is enough. Its very telling he couldnt stay home his only night nearly not away. If he is not shocked at himself tomorrow his problems are even worse. Insist he sees GP and asks for help and AA too. But he doesnt have to live in the family home as really tonight he has shown himself not fit for that.

JWrecks · 10/09/2017 05:03

You would be reasonable to leave him in his filth, go to sleep, and let him deal with it all himself in the morning. That's what I would do.

pimmsy · 10/09/2017 05:23

@AllIWant8

ExtraPineappleExtraHam · 10/09/2017 05:35

Not all alcoholics need to drink vodka first thing in the morning. My dp drinks 2 cans a night but he's still an alcoholic. It effects his ability to parent as he doesn't have the patience that I do (as I'm sober) and he doesn't wake up easily in the mornings. I know it's hard but he either has to get help or leave. It was incredibly selfish for him to go out on his first night back and you know he'll be useless all day. Make him sleep in the bath and tell him to clean up his own mess in the morning. He needs to think about what is really important!

graziemille · 10/09/2017 05:54

Vomit and crap....are you serious? I'm totally appalled. That'd be it for me. My respect would be gone and I'd also never find him attractive again.
Sounds like you've become desensitized to his behaviour.
I feel really sad for you and your children.

Gindingaling · 10/09/2017 06:57

OP, could you ever sleep with him again after seeing pooh smeared up his back because he was drunk? Have sex?

Its just to awful to even contemplate.

Original poster

AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 07:21

Well DC are up, fed and dressed. It's raining here but we are off out anyway. Not sure where but I just want to get us out of here, there aren't many placed you can go at 7am on a Sunday!

I am disgusted by his behaviour. Not that it's particularly relevant but I have severe anxiety about sickness and can get very obsessive about cleaning. He knows this, he won't understand that I have been wound up by it all night. He has no respect for me or my feelings does he?

I don't feel angry now which is good, my DC don't need me being grumpy because of DH. I feel saddened and disgusted now, think that's ok to feel that though.

Was thinking of leaving a note requesting that the whole bathroom is cleaned thoroughly before we return, as in floor, walls, fittings, etc not just his usual squirt a but of cleaner down the toilet and pull the flush! I'm tempted to put on it that if he can't be bothered to clean it properly theb he hust as well leave a night early as I don't want to see him at the moment.

OP posts:

TammySwansonTwo · 10/09/2017 07:22

My mum was married three times, all of them alcoholics. Unfortunately I have a great deal of first hand experience of this and yes, your husband is an alcoholic. Not all alcoholics drink spirits or drink every single day or can't take a break for a few days when necessary. This isn't healthy behaviour.

Because of my childhood experiences, I can't stand to be around people who are really drunk. My husband went through a phase several years ago where we had some major difficulties in our lives. He was quite depressed and would go out, stay out late and drink a lot and when he came home he was like a different person - mean, aggressive (not violent), generally horrible and absolutely off his face (falling down, getting into cabs with random people and having to walk miles off his face to get home, just really dangerous). Once he had sobered up he would be very apologetic and would say it would never happen again. After a handful of times I said I can't live like this, my tolerance for people being this drunk is non-existant and you need to stop. I said I have no issue with you going out, having a few drinks and being a bit drunk but this is not that, and he seemed incapable of just having one or two. At that point he quit drinking for about 8 months, dealt with some of the issues we had and before I got pregnant he'd become someone who can go out, have a couple and stop, or go out and not drink at all. If he was drinking every day and sometimes coming home and wrecking the bathroom while covered in his own excrement, I would be livid, especially now we have children. Your kids may be young now but they will start to see this stuff and it will affect them - he needs to get himself sorted out.

Original poster

AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 07:22

Apologies for the typos, I have a bouncy 1yo climbing all over me!

OP posts:

TammySwansonTwo · 10/09/2017 07:23

I think leaving a note insisting he cleans up thoroughly so you and your children don't have to be exposed to this is.a good idea - hopefully this will be a wake up call for him.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 10/09/2017 07:45

So sorry op. I don't have much advice but it really does sound like he has a problem. Do you think you can talk to him about it before he goes away?

Also do you have any support? Lack of sleep nearly sent me mad with my second one. Is there anyone you can offload the DC onto to get a nap?! Take care. Hope you get some rest tonight

graziemille · 10/09/2017 15:11

Are you ok, OP?

Runningpear · 10/09/2017 15:42

Hope he's cleaned it up OP.

WineAndTiramisu · 10/09/2017 15:59

How was it when you got home?

C0untDucku1a · 10/09/2017 16:04

I hope to god you have not cleaned it. I would insist he goes to meetings about his alcoholism and goes teetotal.

fantasmasgoria1 · 10/09/2017 16:12

My ex would have up to 15 cans in a day and did not appear to be drunk , could hold a conversation , answer complicated questions etc! However, after years of this he was unable to drink that much without getting drunk. He would have 4 cans and be drunk! The doctor said this can happen, your body that once had a high tolerance can reverse and have much less tolerance! At the time I split with him His memory was beginning to be affected. Before that he was violent, aggressive and once I came home and saw him squatting on the bedroom floor having a poo!

SingingSeuss · 10/09/2017 16:31

I hope you had a good day. Sometimes sending a text the next day to spell out what he did and make the point that it is completely unacceptable is a good start. He may not remember if he's had that much to drink and he needs to know.

splatattack · 10/09/2017 16:36

I hope he has cleaned up and apologised OP...

Cakeycakecake · 10/09/2017 16:52

Hey op hope you're ok. Must be horrible to realise the man you love and have kids with is actually an alcoholic.
Hope he's cleaned the bathroom and you and the children have managed to have a good day

ComputerUserNotTrained · 10/09/2017 17:01

I wouldn't be surprised if the filthy sod hasn't even stirred yet, let alone cleaned up the shit-coated bathroom.

Pancakeflipper · 10/09/2017 17:03

If you cannot take care of your own bodily functions due to drink and drinking the amount they are doing - there's an issue. He is dependent on alcohol.

I hope you and the children are ok.

Original poster

AllIWant8 · 10/09/2017 17:03

Home now after a very long day. Still feeling a bit angry, but more saddened. DH did send a text this morning apologising but said he didn't know how it happened, I would have thought it was pretty self explanatory! He said he would clean it up but was going back to bed.

He has cleaned the bathroom fairly well (not perfectly) but has not apologised to my face or to elder DC for the state of things this morning.

I fear it will be the usual immature response of sulking around and not making eye contact in the hope I just forget about it all.

OP posts:

HelenaDove · 10/09/2017 17:04

Do a Hasselhoff. film it and put it up online.

Hes disgusting.

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