Is this out or order or am I over reacting?

[Nutmeggy]

Just found out my partner has been texting a female younger work colleague quite often, speaking on the phone and going for lunch with her, and arrranging to have drinks next month.

We don't live together and I only found out by accident when I borrowed his phone earlier as my battery had died.

There are a lot of texts, none of them sexual but very long and he discusses his work his plans for weekends and things he is doing outside work and yet none mention me?

They had lunch recently it seems and he I still talking about where they will go next time and where I stand she taking him?

Quite confused and unsure if this is innocent or not

She has a boyfriend and is significantly younger

She isn't interested or has a boyfriend. If she was single and interested you'd be dumped in a heart beat.

Perhaps he is mentoring her

"I lied/didn't tell you because I thought you would react badly..." Oh pull the other one. Can't these blokes come up with anything more original than trying to turn it round back on us? ffs

He has every intention of cheating on you. Stop trying to deny it to yourself. Accept it and get rid of him.

It's perfectly fine for your DP to go out with friends but it's dodgy as hell to keep an entire relationship secret from your OH. The excuse he wheeled out is such a cliche.

You don't live with this man and you have only been dating him for a year, including a 'rough patch'. Are you really desperate not to be single? Does he actually make you happy? It's quite likely that you are his 'will do for the moment', by the sound of it. If you are looking for your future husband/father of your children, it's probably not him.

Clearly he has a very low opinion of you. He didn't tell you because you would over react. Know your place little woman. Let the men do your thinking for you. You'd only over react.

Your current status is "better than being single" aka "will do until I've got someone better".

No man texts a woman whilst he is on holiday to say he misses her if he isn't interested. He's taking you for a mug OP, and it sounds like you are letting him.

He wont be honest, he will tell you that they are just friends and you are over reacting,

Reposting what I posted before .............

In a way, she's not really the problem. It's not that he messages her so often or buys her coffee. It's that he's not doing the same things for you and you're not feeling loved.

He's being distant and won't make long term plans with you. Why?

Maybe he's because off with you because he's spending time with her and she is the cause. Maybe she's spending time with her because he's off with you and she is just a symptom. Maybe she's not really the cause and just happens to be there.

We're always quick to blame the other woman and to drive ourselves crazy. Focus on the issues that cannot be dismissed as 'jealousy' and the issues that absolutely can be kept to the confines of your relationship and challenged - he isn't making you feel special, and the reasons behind that need to be addressed.

Does he need some pointers, or does he just not want to make you feel good? If the latter, is there an issue between the two of you that can be brought into the open and addressed? Or is it just the natural end of the road? Don't talk about who you feel may be 'the other woman'. Talk about the two of you as a couple. And do talk.

OP, I don't think you get bad patches a year into a relationship when you don't even live together yet. I think that's just called a bad relationship. No one who's having lunches you don't know about with a younger woman, one year in, is a good long term prospect for you.

OP, imagine that you had the choice between your current partner, and someone who was not missing 'just a friend' and texting her while on holiday with you, secretly. Who would you pick? This is not just his choice, you know.
If you are in a relatively new relationship and you have a rough patch, it means that you are not suited, and you should get out while things are still simple to unpick. No mortgage, joint accounts, children etc.

Kick him to the curb - he’s a loser

Despite what he says, it's not okay.
As a pp said, you'd be dumped so fast your head would spin if she reciprocated.

Op it's not worth all this stress at this early stage

I really think you need to cut your losses here and end this relationship. You should still be in the honeymoon phase at just a year, but you're talking about rough patches and him sharing personal things with a woman he never bothered to mention to you? It doesn't bode well.

Right. Okay. So it's YOUR fault he didn't mention it.

Ffs. Get rid.

I feel sad for you. He is showing more emotional investment in a fellmale friend than in his partner. It doesn’t bode well.

OP, where are your boundaries?! He's texting and missing another woman! He likes her! Aren't you annoyed? He's with you for an ego boost (cake eating) and does it because he can! Seriously OP would he be happy with you carrying on in the same way? Uh no, he wouldn't!

So you borrowed his phone and he hen looked through his messages?

He isn’t committing to a holiday next year?

I think the relationship has run it’s course.