Help me quit this job ***coward alert***

[FuckMyUterus]

Obviously not an Abu, but I desperately need help as I'm a HUGE coward.
I live a few doors along from my local pub, and the manager lives about 5 miles away (this is relevant).
So the manager is my partners childhood friend, and she's lovely but very young (think early 20s) and has a young child. When she took over the managers job there was a lot of money going missing, and as she couldn't pinpoint who was responsible, she sacked all staff. I took on some bar hours and responsibility for the cleaning each morning. All was good for a few weeks.
I am now in the position where I am constantly expected to work hours that I previously stated I can't do and get guilt tripped into doing so.
Twice over the past 2 weeks I have arrived at the pub to clean in the morning and found the manager still there from the night before, pissed as a fart, and accompanied by various friends of hers. I am also greeted by sick in the toilets, shit on the walls in female toilets and tissues covered with blood on pub tables along with white powder. I have had enough. I am BEGGING fellow mumsnetters to write a text (I can't do it face to face as she will guilt trip me and I'm not strong enough) quitting this shitstate of a job. Please please help me! I can't be too aggressive in the text as I obviously live very close and don't want too much awkwardness. Sorry for long post.

OMG, you should see how I would deal with it, there would be no survivors.
Yes I agree with the others text her to say you are not coming back then don't even look at any further texts from her.

I agree with PP saying don't give a reason - if you give your reasons re the state of the pub, inflexible hours etc you put the blame on the manager. She is likely to get defensive and that's more likely to cause bad feeling.

I would just tell her that the job is no longer working for you and you need to hand in your notice. Wish her good luck in her new business venture and leave her to work out why she can't hold onto cleaning staff further down the line! Don't be drawn into giving a list of reasons why and putting her onto the defensive if you want to remain friends.

Don't explain. Just state that you're handing in your notice with immediate effect. Anything more could come back to bite you.

If she pushes for a reason just say it's for personal reasons.

Just keep it professional, you don't need to state why, just use what runningpear said

Otherwise you're inviting text discussion / justification

Do what an impartial professional would do and keep it factual about leaving dates, giving notice.

Don't get caught up in long rationale discussions.

The time for complaining about the conditions would be in person with your manager or escalation to the owner. Sending such a personal emotional text to the Manager will get you a reaction but not the one you say you want

Step back and see it's a job, not a mate you're texting!

Okay, message is sent, I basically said what running told me to say and told her when I'd be working til etc. I know she wont be happy and I'm literally sweating at the thought of seeing her next week, but at least it's done now

What's your contractual notice period?
Have you checked

When the manager came in why didn't you just flat out tell him?

Am I the only one hoping this turns into Pubzilla and the boss won't accept OPs resignation?

OP you need to start practising saying "No, I can't do it any more, x will be my last shift." Repeat Repeat Repeat.

No notice period as such (haven't been there long enough). And I didn't tell him as he isn't the friendliest of men, and I knew if I told him the extent he'd be furious that I had ignored previous episodes.

happy please don't say that, it would be ridiculously awkward! Surely that doesn't happen? Can she refuse my resignation?!

I've always fancied resigning from a job in the manner of Bridget Jones leaving Daniel Cleaver's publishing company. But in reality is probably go for the more sensible suggestions listed upthread.

Well she can refuse, but she doesn't own you! If you've said you're going, you're going!

Well done, OP.

I had to step down from something recently (not really job but regular commitment, helping a friend, etc) and I spent ages typing out an email that was full of apologies and justifications (and a heaping helping of PA, because I felt annoyed at having been put in the position I was in and also guilty for leaving). In the end, I deleted out all of the "I'm sorry but I think I'm going to have to call it a day" nonsense and just said that I was leaving and I wished them all the best for the future.

My boss-friend was totally unsurprised bc he knew the situation was shit and had been expecting this for a while, so it turned out to be a lot easier than I thought!

If your boss-person tries to guilt you or asks you to cover "until we find someone else" find a firm phrase and just repeat that. Something like "My last day will be xx date, after that I am not available for any more shifts". You can chuck in an "I'm afraid that" or "I'm sorry but" if you want to soften it a bit

So if she refuses, what do I do? Just go in, work the weeks notice I said I'd give (not obliged to) and then leave? While she stamps her feet like a toddler?

She can't refuse your resignation don't worry.

But don't give her any excuse or reasons because she will use them against you, she will promise things will change, things will be different.

Simply wrote the first text mentioned on here.

Do you really have to do it text? It's not good and may impact on friendship, references etc and might end up with her calling you so you have to speak to her anyway.

If she is your friend, I'd say you owe it to her to speak to her and tell her why. This is her livelyhood.

If all this was going on in my pub I'd be furious and really upset if I found out a friend didn't tell me.

It soubds like a dive and the staff onviously don't care. Is she likely to be happy about that?

If you really do want to send her a text say something like "Hi x. I'm sorry to do this by text but I am handing in my notice. Unfortunately, the job isn't working out as we planned. It looks like the hours we originally discussed aren't suitable and I can't be available when you obviously need me. If I'm honest, I also wasn't expecting the level of cleaning I would need to do to, for instance I didn't realise I would have to clean up so much mess in the toilets. I'll work until x date so you can get someone to replace me and if you need me to, I'll do a couple of shifts with my replacement so they can learn the ropes. Fuckmyuterus".

Or if you want to be more honest:
"Hi x. I'm sorry to do this by text but I am handing in my notice. Unfortunately, the job isn't working out as we planned. We originally discussed the hours I was able to work but it's obvious they don't align with what you need. If I'm honest, I also wasn't expecting to have to clean up bloody tissues, mess on the toilet walls or so much sick. I'm concerned that your staff are not acting as they should be eg drinking after work or staying the night. I've also found white powder on the tables. My last shift will be x which I understand is short notice but should allow you to find a replacement. Fuckmyuterous".

Or, if you really want to chicken out:
"Hi x. I'm sorry to do this by text but I'm handing in my notice. It is obvious that you need me to work hours I just can't do. I also wasn't expecting the amount of cleaning there is in a pub! My last shift will be x to allow you to find a replacement. If you need me to, I can work a coupke of shifts with them to make sure they know the ropes. Fuckmyuuerous."

As I say though, she's meant to be your friend.

Fuck of course not.
Not one can force you to work.
You don't have a notice period. You're free!
As four not upsetting her, she's had you cleaning up shit and drugs, clearly she does not care about upsetting you.

Sorry Fuck

I have visions of her banging on your door shouting up at your windows, crying and wailing for you to come in...........

Or just ignoring your resignation and sending you shitty texts asking you why you didn't come in today, as if you hadn't resigned

Handling staff resignations
An employer can’t refuse to accept someone’s resignation and they must follow certain procedures.
When a member of staff resigns you must:

get them to confirm their resignation in writing
tell them what their notice period is
agree when their last day at work will be
confirm whether they should work all or part of their notice period
Employee decisions to retire are a form of resignation.

*for

puffin I think you may have misread my Op, there are no other staff but me and her, she sacked all the others! So the mess I am having to clean up is hers and her friends, that's why I've had enough, I feel like a general skivvy and like she thinks 'oh, no need to worry about the shitstate the pub is in, Fuck will clean it'

Good on you! Don't even work the notice!

You've sent the text and now you just move on and get on with your life. She will probably get shitty with you by text or whatever but just ignore her. You know she's a wrongun so just stand firm and ignore her protestations. Its not going to be any surprise to her that you quit. No-one would put up with those conditions for long. She'll hang herself on her own rope very soon and that wont be your problem. Employ the grey rock technique that Mumsnetters advise in the relationship boards.

flutterby I'm happy to work notice, it's amazing how much easier a job is when you know you can sod off within a week
I feel much better now that's done, but I have a sweat on, I wish I didn't have this horrible people pleasing complex!

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour on her part. Surely she can't keep this up for long without being busted.

You're doing the right thing. While one part of me thinks resigning by text is never a good idea (letter through the door maybe?) your boss is certainly abusing her position and it all sounds quite informal so in this instance I'd be doing the same as you.

As an aside, who the FUCK smears shit on walls???
I mean WTAF.