To ask about social etiquette in the work place

[lottieandmia]

I'm likely to be AS and certainly out of sync so I'm posting to see what people think (NT or otherwise)

I came across a thread about people asking if you want a drink at work and apparently if you say 'no' most people think it's a bit rude. This person was from the US and I suppose US culture is different from UK culture. If people ask me if I want a drink I usually say no (only because only I make my tea/coffee the way I like it).

Any thoughts?

When I do a drinks round I love the people that say No! Less to do. YANBU.

I think that person has an issue, because I've never heard of it being a problem.

Not rude - just say "no thanks" and literally no one will be offended or think it's rude (or even give it a second thought).

As long as they say "no thanks" and not just a blunt "no" I wouldn't give it a second thought.

It's not a problem. If I'm making myself a coffee at work, I usually ask my colleagues if they want one too because it's polite to do so not because I actually want to make them one. I'm always secretly delighted when they politely decline.

What do AS and NT mean? Too many fucking acronyms on here

Say "no thank you" and remember to offer them a drink when you're making one and you'll be fine.

AS = Asperger's Syndrome
NT = Neurotypical - a phrase no one in the real world has ever used in general conversation

No - rude
No thanks - fine

(I assume op has autism and NT = neurologically typical)

Obviously I do always say 'no thank you' most people with AS that I know have learned how to phrase things and what's expected (having AS doesn't mean you are necessarily impolite - my children are always complimented on their manners for example) but more subtle aspects of social interaction can be a bit confusing I guess. This person was saying that people feel you have rejected someone's effort to do something nice for you.

Glad to hear that you think it's not an issue to say no though.

'What do AS and NT mean? Too many fucking acronyms on here'

Just look on the page entitled 'acronyms' no need to be aggressive 🙄

If you want a drink have one. If you don't then don't x

Maybe this is a US thing? (Or quite possibly it could just be someone who's been overthinking it!)

The reason why some people think it is rude to say no, is that when you then get up to make your own drink, you won`t make them anyone else one, and their turn comes back around faster IYSWIM.

I hated making for the larger group at work. Making for 3 or 4 people was fine. When it got to 9, it became such a faff. Tea, coffee, (strong, weak, water barely sees the tea bag), some with milk (splash, dash, drowned) others without, some with sugar, some with sweetener. PITA!!!!!

Hi Lottie I'm in the US and nbody here ever offers to make me a drink (at work), I'm glad to say. If I offer a guest a drink at work, I walk them to the kitchen, hand them a cup and tell them how the coffee machine works. Folks at work do sometimes offer to pick up from Starbucks or the like, and the expectation is that you give them a note with your order IF it is anything like mine (venti non-fat, no-foam, extra hot latte) and, if the person offering works for you, then you pay for the entire order - if you are a nice human.

Of course it's not rude. Nobody is champing at the bit to make you a cup of tea!

I use neurotypical in conversations where it comes up, both general and work related. Because it's a useful and descriptive phrase in some scenarios. Such as this one.

I have aspergers, I'd have no problem saying no thank you. I'd be relieved if people say no to me, I'd hate to remember what loads of people wanted, I'd write it down actually and I'd decline tea because I'm very particular about how I have it.

Actually I have a follow on question, I'm about to start a new job, haven't worked in years, had no idea I was an aspie last time I worked. But, work parties/nights out. I am assuming some sort of Christmas night out will be likely at work, would that be rude to decline? I'm not sure I'm ready to socialise with people I don't know. I also have a chronic illness and will be getting to grips with working again.

Like others, I am delighted if I get up to make a drink and no-one else wants one, however if someone said they didn't want one, and then got up to make one within minutes, then I would think that was odd, and yes, that would come across as a bit rude, unless they tried to explain it away with a "oh, I'll come and make my own coz I'm a really fussy bugger with my coffee" or similar, to take the ownership of the 'odd behaviour' back.
Is that what you mean ? That you say no, and then make one ?

It might be seen as impolite to not ask if anyone else wants a cuppa when you're making yourself one. Best to ask someone there what the etiquette would be.

Nuthin that's why I always say no...so they can discount me completely.

Like OP, I don't like drinking hot drinks made by other people...they're never done correctly.

OP...I just say "Oh no thank you..." with a smile.

MyPatronus, this is the right situation for a white lie - a response along the lines of "Oh, that would have been nice, but unfortunately I'm booked up that night" would do. Or if you feel uncomfortable lying (and I know many people with AS do) just go for a diplomatic version of the truth: "I've been feeling a bit under the weather and I'm afraid I'm too tired to make it, but I hope you all have a lovely night out."

I find drinks runs impossibly awkward and so stick to water at work.

Prickly, yes I do feel a bit uncomfortable lying, although I have used the ill thing if I know being sociable wasn't in me at that time. My only issue is, as these things are booked way in advance, I can't claim being ill. Or I have a Christmas Night with friends booked but I'd feel awkward lying and saying it was the same night because they may ask me how it was or may realise when it actually happened that it didn't clash! Argh! Total minefield! Could say it clashes with DH's and I can't get a babysitter.

You could bring in a flask of tea made to your liking?