To ask about social etiquette in the work place

[lottieandmia]

I'm likely to be AS and certainly out of sync so I'm posting to see what people think (NT or otherwise)

I came across a thread about people asking if you want a drink at work and apparently if you say 'no' most people think it's a bit rude. This person was from the US and I suppose US culture is different from UK culture. If people ask me if I want a drink I usually say no (only because only I make my tea/coffee the way I like it).

Any thoughts?

You could bring in a flask of tea made to your liking?

Ah, that's trick MyPatronus. Is there any way of stalling? For instance if you have school age children, something along the lines of "can I hold off letting you know as school haven't told me the date of the Christmas concert yet, and obviously I can't miss that..."

MyPatronus - my mum and I were talking about this very issue today. She thinks she herself has some ASD traits - she said that if she goes to a work party then she feels anxious if the person she knows best goes and talks to someone else and leaves her.

Personally I don't like big social events either - I will sometimes go to one but need time to recover. People should imo understand that social events are difficult for some.

MyPatronus - I would be inclined to say that due to your condition, you find socialising with people quite difficult, and hope they won't be offended if you give it a miss. Tell them you hope they have a lovely time.

lottieandmia If you work with the same crowd all the time, I'd just let them know that you are really particular about how you have your drinks and feel happier making them yourself and hope that doesn't upset anyone. - Phrase the last bit as a question and everybody will immediately say they are not upset at all, and you won't have to go through the agony of every day wondering if you are upsetting people - you will have just cleared the air.

Do you think you're overthinking this? People don't really give a shit if you want a drink or not and if you say no thanks they're probably pleased they won't have to go to the bother of making one.

We don't do tea or coffee at my work but if we did I'd always say no - I don't drink either! It's not at all rude.

lottie that's interesting about your mum! I'm exactly the same. On any social occasion, I need to know who is going first so I know I have someone familiar enough for me there and I hate it when they leave me. I get like this with DH around his family, especially last year at Christmas when there were a lot of people I didn't know, I needed him to stay with me and mainly just sat out of the way until much later.

Kids school Christmas stuff is a good one! Thanks.

I'm.in the US and at work no one seems to make hot drinks for anyone other than themselves.

OTOH it wouldn't be rude to refuse politely if someone offered you one.

Refusing drinks is fine but it's good manners to regularly offer to get them for others.

Socialising with colleagues is trickier. I'm very social and don't mind crowds etc but am never that keen to attend work nights out as they are often alcohol focused and I'm not a big drinker so depending on the group it's not that much fun.

I tend to find Christmas is obligatory. I put on a smile, go to the meal and make an effort.

Other nights out through the year I tend to politely decline unless it's something like an end of project event in which case the same rules as Christmas apply.

One way to avoid being seen as stand offish or anti-social is to volunteer to arrange team lunches every so often. No alcohol, quieter, time limited, cheaper.