Cousin stole 6k off me and family still taking her

[Maskoff]

I probably am being unreasonable but I'm hurt and annoyed.
I was close with this cousin and she ended up stealing 6k off me on God knows what probably her cocaine habit.

I fell out with one of her sisters because I called her about what this cousin (her sister) did and she told me not to insult her sister to her because I called her a junkie

Another sister the younger one I'm close with. She slightly fell out with her sister (my cousin) over this but I have looked on her snap chat and the younger sis put up a photo of her and cousin

It annoyed me. It is the younger sisters daughters birthday bit I'm just disgusted anyone in the family regardless of they are sisters or not speak to her

The 6k was my inheritance money from when my mother (their aunty) died which is why the situation is so raw to me.

This story doesn't get much sympathy...like PP said, theft shouldn't happen but you've played yourself OP if you actually did all of these things.

Let's assume the bank was closed, you could take the money with you. You could keep it ANYWHERE else that isn't a drug addict's house....

Nick
BECAUSE I TRUSTED HER!

That is really low, I agree, but I can definitely see why it would be a civil matter rather than criminal, as you can't prove it was your money, and why did you leave it in her house?

You must have known she might be tempted by your money in view of the fact that she was so much in arrears with the rent. (Clearly a very big spender.)

You left £3.5k in the house of a known drug addict? Are you mad? And you acquired this money a day before going abroad? They do have banks at airports you know. Or you would have been better off taking it with you. Anyway, I thought you said the £6k she stole was an inheritance, whee does selling cars come into it?

Most people wouldn't think a cousin who they are very close with would steal money from them especially their dead aunties money who she knows worked her whole life so she could leave her kids something. She was like my sister which lives in eachothers pockets I knew everything about her minus her drug addiction which she would of never told me because I am so against drugs.

She cried her eyes out to me when her ex left her.
I was there for her when she sliced open her wrist and locked herself in the bathroom. I did so much for her I literally babied her and was the mother she also lost at a young age.

So no I didn't expect her steal off me.

But ginger I'm taking your advice
Fuck the lot of them.

I understand what people have said about them being sisters but that one photo has ruined my Friday evening now I'm reminded of what she did to me and I'm full of rage.

Q. Why did you leave £3500 in the home of a known drug addict?
A. Because the bank was closed.
You can't be serious?

Did you have no other safe place, OP?

It must be devastating, OP, I do get that. But I wouldn't personally be able to go away leaving that much money lying around. I mean, even trusting your cousin there was still the risk of burglary.

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you can't compare cousins to sisters. Even sisters who don't get on all of the time, are likely to be closer to/choose each other over a cousin, even one they are close to. And many will defend each other to the last, even if they don't like each other.

I can understand completely your cousin getting upset with you calling her sister a junkie. You're understandably upset and angry, but she is still her sister, hearing her called such a horrible slur is going to offend. Maybe she is in denial about her sister being a drug user, maybe she uses but isn't an "addict". Or, she may well be a full blown addict, but "junkie" is still a derogatory term.

You say you lent her £2500 direct, and left the rest of the money at her house. Did you leave £6000 at her house, or did you leave £3500, whih combined with the agreed lent money makes £6000? If the latter, she hasn't "stolen" £6k off you, she's stolen £3500. And can you be 100% certain she has it, and another visitor to her home didn't steal it? Quite honestly, it was silly of you to leave the money at her house, especially if you knew she was a drug user, and even MORE so if you believe her to be an addict. Her addiction (if she has one) was bound to override love and loyalty as what matters most is the next fix.

Did you have a written contract with her over the lent money? If so (and you always always should when lending money, no matter to whom) you could go via small claims to try to get that £2500 back. It's not a guarantee they can get the money even if found in your favour, if she doesn't have it she can just take a CCJ and worsen her credit rating, so it honestly might not be worth it.

At this point, it is clear you are not going to get this money back.

As for family, you cannot expect them to write off their own sister, even if she has wronged you quite badly. Unless she wrongs THEM, it won't be anywhere near as big a deal to them, even if they do agree what she did was completely wrong, unfair, and disgusting, especially given where the money came from. You have to accept that while their view of her might have changed, and they might trust her less, and not think as highly of her, they still unconditionally love her. There isn't a damn thing my sister could do that i would ever write her off, i'd choose her over every other family member i have. It is up to you if you let the fact they are still going to have a relationship, affect you having a relationship with the two remaining cousins.

OP.... cut this scum out of your life.... the end

Well where else was she supposed to leave it?

SHe didnt know about the drug habit, she trusted her cousin and it was safer in an occupied house than an empty one regarding burglary.

The OP couldnt have known what her cousin would do, but hey lets all blame the vicim why dont we?

Judge Rinder!!!

God almighty!

A drug habit isnt an easy thing to hide, you had absolutely no suspicion at all? Even if you didn't, you knew she was completely broke that you just had to lend her £2500 to prevent eviction, leaving money with her was still likely to end badly. Someone who has no money constantly, suddenly has £3500 in their possession. Yes, they know it is not theirs, but the temptation is massive to spend it, because you never have any yourself to spend. She might have felt some resentment shes in such a shit financial situation and you've just been given £6000. Ok, it was a truly awful situation that you came to have the £6000 (i lost my mum 7 years ago so i know how awful it is and my sympathies) but to her, you didn't earn it, it was "free money". You were doing ok without it, so you wouldn't miss it. None of this "logic" is fair, but it happens. When you're deprived of something (in his case money) and suddenly its there staring at you, some people can't resist.

AlmostAJillSandwich

Again with the victim blaming.

And if you think that a habit isnt easy to hide then you have never known a user, especially a coke head.

My eldest son who I no longer talk to is a cocaine addict has been for 10 years for the first 7 we had no idea he had always been a bit shit with money (borrowing 50 here and there then "forgetting" to pay it back) but it wasn't until he stole 4,000 from a safe belonging to his aunt (my sister) that we asked around and figured out what was happening. It's not always easy to know when somebody is addicted to something especially if they try to hide it

Can I ask is it really victim blaming to point out the questionable choices a person has made? £3500 in cash meant for siblings and it was left with a broke cousin, who was working but fell behind by £2500 in rent. Depending on where she lives, that's more than 2 month's rent surely? Also I'm quite certain you can still make out of hours deposits at banks.

OP, with regard to calling her a junkie, the rule is, I can say what I like about my sister, no-one else can though, not even Avery well loved cousin.

Personally, I would make the peace and set up an instalment plan, that her sisters can be a part of. I wouldn't call out over money, she didn't kill anyone.

fall out not "call out"

Sounds like she is the sad member of the family who has a difficult life and her sisters feel sorry for her - not saying her 'difficult' life isn't her own doing but you get that in families. There is one everyone feels they have to support.
I would ask her when she is paying back the money she owes and when you have txt or email from her admitting she owes you just keep a copy in the hope you get it back in the future.
Then let it go. Keeping a distance from them though.

Perhaps she will one day return the money. We lent money to dh's scumbag cousin. He returned the money almost 10 years later. Money, which he appropriated from his mother. He didn't return 20+k he stole from his grandmother through his mother when she had power of attorney though.

If you cannot handle that your cousins will continue to accept their drug addicted sister in their lives, it is good to cut or reduce contact. Maybe one day they will understand. My uncle swindled a very considerable amount of money out of my parents when I was a toddler. It was about 7k, but that was early 70's. No one in the family got it until decades later when they did the same to another brother and then his parents. They cut ties with him after that but until then he was totally accepted in the family.

It's not civil OP it's criminal. But there is no proof and, realistically, no way to get proof, which is why the police won't act.

You can't expect your cousins to cut a sister off because she stole from you (especially if you don't have any proof that it happened the way you say, but even if they do know it's what's happened). It's not that it's unreasonable, it's that for most people, allegiance to family isn't driven by reason.

If you can, just accept it. Six grand is a lot of money, and I do understand why it feels ludicrous that they would still talk to her, but you don't seem to have any recourse and you will compound your loss, in some ways, if you lose family over it too. But if you can't stand to think of them with her, low contact or no contact with all of them may be the only way to go.

So you borrowed 2.5 k off her. So how did she end up with 6k of yours? Did she nick your pin?

no, she's using borrowed instead of lent.

Yeah I'm sorry I still don't get how you received 6k in inheritance money in cash. I've received a few lots of $ through inheritance and they have all been paid into my nominated bank account when the time came.

To everyone saying "don't victim blame!" No one is blaming the victim for the crime of theft, that was the cousin's fault. The victim is being blamed for stupid actions and a poorly constructed back story.

Yeah I'm sorry I still don't get how you received 6k in inheritance money in cash. I've received a few lots of $ through inheritance and they have all been paid into my nominated bank account when the time came

Some people still like to work in actual hard cash or they may be in a situation where they have to.