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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In what universe is this ok?

75 replies

Ambonsai · 08/09/2017 19:37

Asking me at school pickup time if I think it would be ok if her husband climbed the mountain that my husband died on.

She'd make sure he got life insurance first

OP posts:

StaplesCorner · 09/09/2017 11:25

A wise woman once told me "there are assholes everywhere" and sadly you came across one right there in that playground. Did the other mums say anything?

Gemini69 · 09/09/2017 11:26

very sorry to read of your loss Lady

She is an utter Tool I would avoid this idiot like the plague ..

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/09/2017 11:33

Gosh, I don't see how anyone in their right mind could possibly think that was ok!

I suppose you could have replied with "sure, if you want to lose him like I lost mine" but then that would probably have made you as bad as her, who knows.

So very sorry you had to put up with that insensitivity in the school playground like that :(

tinypop4 · 09/09/2017 11:36

On no planet anywhere is this okay. I'm sorry you came across such an insensitive woman.

user327854831 · 09/09/2017 11:40

Stupid woman, she's an idiot. Sorry for your loss.

LindyHemming · 09/09/2017 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Ambonsai · 09/09/2017 11:58

I just said don't worry it'll be fine in Summer, then she went on to tell me that she had found the article and read the nice things I had said about my husband.
I told them those words were stolen from the coroners court reporter and ended up in the Newspaper

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/09/2017 12:07

Now that you've given further information, words fail me. I'd put her down to being a bit of a nut job tbh. And the neighbour. How crass.

VestalVirgin · 09/09/2017 12:10

She was asking my opinion , I think she was asking if I thought it would be safe.

I would have understood it if she had been unsure of whether it was okay and put her foot in her mouth by trying to ask your permission, but if she wanted to know if it was safe she could have asked someone else!

She'd make sure he got life insurance first

That sounds a bit creepy. I'd want to find out whether she consulted other widows on how their husbands died. She might be looking for inspiration.

PollyFlint · 09/09/2017 12:16

Are you sure he wasn't intending on doing it and then did some research and came across what happened to your dh? Perhaps she was in some kind of gauche way trying to get your permission. All the waffle about insurance is possibly because she's actually really scared and some people can't stop talking when that happens. She may well have also been looking for some kind of reassurance from you however warped that may sound.

Yes, but the thing is, none of this actually makes what she said any less fucking insensitive and terrible, does it? Bloody hell.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/09/2017 12:19

Polly

Of course not. I didn't say it did and refer you to my comment of 12.07.

JacquesHammer · 09/09/2017 12:23

She is a massively insensitive idiot.

The only way ANY sort of conversation surrounding the situation would have been appropriate would have been if she had caught you for a private word simply to mention that her husband was doing it, so you weren't blindsided by hearing about it.

What she did was beyond crass

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 09/09/2017 12:28

Wtf. Honestly. She's an utter fuckwit
So sorry for your loss

EezerGoode · 09/09/2017 12:32

What a fucking cow...I do hope you said fuck right off

TSSDNCOP · 09/09/2017 12:34

I don't know, but can obviously work out your story.

Why on earth would you ask a person who's husband had died on a mountain if it was safe. It's obviously the polar opposite of safe. She is an idiot of epic proportions.

diddl · 09/09/2017 12:47

Do you have expert knowledge of the mountain/her husband's climbing ability?

Even if so I don't understand her asking.

You were remarkably polite.

ItsAllAboutThePace · 09/09/2017 12:49

You were polite

She wasn't!

And I'm sorry for your loss op

YogiYoni · 09/09/2017 12:54

Wow. What an awful woman. I cannot imagine why she thought it would be ok.

I'm sorry about your DH

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/09/2017 13:05

I have the uncanny ability to put my foot in my mouth.
If there was an Olympic medal for gaffes, I would be on the podium.
So I know all about saying the right thing in the worng way.

But I've tried and tried to think of some way that she was trying to say something ok and it just came out wrong....
Nope. I've got nothing.
She is grossly insensitve.

Mamabear4180 · 09/09/2017 13:25

I'm so sorry for your loss

Most normal sensitive people wouldn't dream of asking you such a dumb insensitive question.

You're amazing to keep your cool!

PovertyJetset · 09/09/2017 13:28

Wow.

Some people!

Sorry for your loss and sorry for having to hear such insensitive comment about your late husband.

MytToeHurtsBetty · 09/09/2017 13:30

She sounds like an utter bell end. I'd blank her from now on

Runningpear · 09/09/2017 13:32

Wow, just wow, why would she think you even need to know this?
Maybe get someone to have a word with her and tell me to not speak to you again about this.

MrTrebus · 09/09/2017 13:39

Oh my God this is so horrendous. I get what the PP was saying about was she just being awkward and was it something he was planning to do anyway I.e Everest, bucket list sort of thing and she was just being awkward. But it doesn't sound like that's what's happened and I actually cannot believe that's how the conversation went. Unbelievable. My heart goes out to you OP

Original poster

Ambonsai · 09/09/2017 15:33

Thanks all
Think I need to just forget about it now

OP posts:

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