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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In what universe is this ok?

75 replies

Ambonsai · 08/09/2017 19:37

Asking me at school pickup time if I think it would be ok if her husband climbed the mountain that my husband died on.

She'd make sure he got life insurance first

OP posts:
JWrecks · 09/09/2017 02:42

How insensitive and cruel and most of all just weird. What a loon.

highinthesky · 09/09/2017 03:53

Well if you were in any doubt before, now you know what a silly moo she is.Take the lesson in good faith.

WellThisIsShit · 09/09/2017 04:02

Tragedy brings out the worst in people. Especially death.

They show themselves up as the self-obsessed and cruel people they are.

Used to think everyone was basically good until a series of awful tragedies hit. Now I think most are selfish evil fuckers, given the chance, and decent people are like gold dust.

Sorry, world weary cynic these days.

I hope someone tells that woman how inappropriate and shockingly nasty she was.

Ttbb · 09/09/2017 05:17

I don't think you can even insure in that case, even if you could how does that make it ok? She sounds completely mental in every way. Sorry you had to deal with that OP

punkpuffin · 09/09/2017 05:39

Thats aweful, how did she even think it might be ok?

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/09/2017 05:51

The way I'm reading this is that you feel as though this man saw the article and decided he wanted to do the challenge because of what happened to your dh.

Are you sure he wasn't intending on doing it and then did some research and came across what happened to your dh? Perhaps she was in some kind of gauche way trying to get your permission. All the waffle about insurance is possibly because she's actually really scared and some people can't stop talking when that happens. She may well have also been looking for some kind of reassurance from you however warped that may sound.

I'm not saying I'm correct. Just a different way of looking at it.

MondieBee · 09/09/2017 06:21

I agree it's ridiculously insensitive and a bit bizarre. Like Mummyoflittledragon said all I can imagine is that she's basically terrified of him doing it and for some reason felt a need to bring it up with you as a result. Why is beyond me but people do strange things when anxious or fearful. Perhaps she expected/wanted some kind of response from you but who knows what. The life insurance thing is particularly nasty and flippant sounding but again might be fear speaking.
Must have been a weird, horrible bolt from the blue for you Flowers

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/09/2017 06:30

Whatever her intentions, she's an idiot.

demirose87 · 09/09/2017 06:44

That was a stupid insensitive, awful thing to say. I hope she realised straight after that she had put her foot in it .Sorry for the loss of your husband Flowers

Original poster
Ambonsai · 09/09/2017 09:49

Both of them know exactly what happened to my husband. She just said he wanted to do it, didn't give reasons.
It's the jolly way she asked me, and the laughing life insurance joke.
And in front of other people
The smiling and laughing could be put down to nervousness, but then if she is nervous about asking me, she knows it's insensitive?

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 09/09/2017 09:54

Shock Flowers

MargotLovedTom1 · 09/09/2017 09:57

That's really crap. If her husband wants to climb that mountain then it's his business; no need to tell you about it. The life insurance comment was unbelievable.

Cheby · 09/09/2017 10:02

Jeez. She is a twat OP. Have nothing more to do with her.

CurryInAHurry · 09/09/2017 10:09

In no Universe.

Sorry you have to put up with this sort of crap on top of such a tragedy.

Tell her 'no, it wouldn't be all right. Your DH might die too and you might end up standing where I am listening to this kind of self absorbed insensitive crap '

horriblehistorieswench · 09/09/2017 10:21

I'd have said "well if you are widowed in the process at least we know you'll think it a laughing matter and no one will be extending support or sympathy". Actually I'd have said that if I was one of the other mums if I was you I think I'd be struck dumb at the crass insensitivity.

Original poster
Ambonsai · 09/09/2017 10:23

A couple of months after, I had a neighbour send me a card, asking if I could take her child to school.
At the bottom, was sorry for your loss, almost as an afterthought.

OP posts:
Imsorrynow · 09/09/2017 10:29

I'm just appalled on your behalf.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/09/2017 10:30

I wish that I had been one of the other women stood with you, I would have fitted her right up.
Some people are insensitive, beyond belief.😡🌹

AnnieAnoniMouse · 09/09/2017 10:35

Was she asking if HE would be ok or if YOU would be ok with it?

Either way, it's insensitive, and plain fucking barking.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that 💐

fourquenelles · 09/09/2017 10:37

I am sorry but I think this woman was being deliberately nasty. It really smacks of "mean girls".
People are very odd around death and grief. I will never forget a friend saying he knew what I was going through when my husband died because he'd lost his dog recently. He was trying to empathise but my goodness I nearly decked him.

gunsandbanjos · 09/09/2017 10:46

This is one of the most insensitive things I've ever heard.

So sorry for your loss, it must be so difficult for you Flowers

Original poster
Ambonsai · 09/09/2017 10:49

She was asking my opinion , I think she was asking if I thought it would be safe.

It was what she opened with, on her approach. So not as if we'd been talking for a while.
Actually I was talking to 2 other mums and then she came over.

I really can't believe anyone is that mean. I really just think people have absolutely no empathy whatsoever.

OP posts:
needtimewithwineandlesswhine · 09/09/2017 10:57

That is a insensitive cruel thing to say. What a heartless cow. Angry

Foslady · 09/09/2017 11:02

Gobsmacked!
I don't think some people will ever get it sadly.......all you can do is thank God you're not one of them.

When my dad was lying in ICU 12 hours after a severe heart attack my mum's next door neighbour came round to see if she was still walking up the high street to get her her fish the nest day.......and looked sort of Confused when we said 'er, no, dad's in ICU.......' and said 'yes, I know, but.......'

SkySmiler · 09/09/2017 11:09

So crass, verging on cruel, give her a very wide berth, cannot stand crude, insensitive people Flowers so sorry for your loss x