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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let the cats in the house?

57 replies

cantkeepcalm · 08/09/2017 18:31

I understand there are cat lovers on here which would say IABU but I have two cats which I do not want but I feel I'm forced to keep them for the DC by my XDP. I'm not allowed to get rid of them because I'll be made out to be a bad person if I do basically.
Bit of background, we lived together and had 2 DC together and he has an older DC from a previous relationship. I moved to my mums after we split, he then got a new GF and just moved in with her so I moved back here (stayed on the tenancy). His older DC, didn't want to move so she stays with me. She wants the cats and loves them (not that she actually looks after them I do). When XDP lived here he let the cats do what they like and the carpets were always furry etc (even though he hated them himself).
I feed them and then they go back outside. XDP has just called me horrible names saying I'm cruel. I like the keep the house fur free and clean, I know a few people who keep their animals outside. If I do let them in then they stay in the kitchen. I can't stand them going on my DC beds or leaving fur stuck in my carpets or on my sofas. They don't have a cat flap so I've been told to leave the kitchen window open which means then walking all over my clean kitchen worktop to get in and out and it disgusts me. AIBU to want to keep my house clean, I feel uneasy with them in the house! They steal food of peoples plates, be sick on my carpet, wee in the kitchen etc if they're left in all the time. Since they have stayed out my house just feels so much more cleaner and I feel I can relax a bit more. But no now I'm cruel. They're far from neglected! I don't leave them out to starve, they have a bed in the shed so they have shelter.

Just feel so upset right now! Sorry for the rant!!

OP posts:
RicottaPancakes · 08/09/2017 22:01

Tbey will be fine in the shed if you provide warmth for them, but they may become less tame due to seeing humans less. Google making a shelter for feral cats. Their body heat won't be able to keep thw whole shed warm, so you need to put something smaller in there, preferably with a lid/ roof like a large plastic or wooden box filled with straw ( needs to be changed if it gets wet).

daisybelle70 · 08/09/2017 22:04

My DF keeps 'outdoor' cats, he's had several over the years. He does try to get pairs of sibling kittens to start with. They have a hole to get into a shed, which is dry shelter and is also where they're fed. I don't think they mind at all, though he's in the South West rather than on some Highland hilltop where there might be a foot of snow for half the winter.

He's not a farmer but they're basically farm cats. They do tend to have lovely thick coats.

You should re-home them if you hate them, but personally I wouldn't worry about them living in a shed rather than a house.

Bluelonerose · 08/09/2017 22:11

I completly see where your coming from. I'm a cat person and yes the fur, litter trays and keeping them off my kitchen side drives me mad. But they are my babies.
If I was you I would contact the cats protection league and explain you can't keep them it's making you feel anxious in your own home. Don't feel guilty for giving them away you have the right to feel comfortable in your own home.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 08/09/2017 22:17

Regarding the weeing over the side of the tray, mine does that occasionally as he seems to have to get as close to the edge as possible. We solved the problem by putting the tray on a puppy training pad (or pussy cat incontinence pad as I call it) and it solved the problem, if he misses the tray the pad is changed.

DanHumphreyIsA · 08/09/2017 22:33

OP for saying you don't want the cats, you are definitely doing a lot for them! A lot of people who willingly adopt cats (and other animals) neglect them by not fleaing, worming, having no insurance etc. So I take my hat off to you for doing all these things.

I think if you try to resolve one thing at a time, it might make things easier. I wouldn't keep them outside all of the time tbh.

Get an extra litter tray or two, and try to find ones that are either taller, or wider. That should stop the peeing on the side (one of my cats sometimes used to miss the end of the litter tray until we got a different type).

If having the litter trays in the kitchen are an issue, it might be worth keeping the litter trays in the shed but only if you get a cat flap, so they have access 24/7. You may find it easier to start this by leaving one tray in the house and one in the shed.

How old is the DD whose cats they actually are? Sorry if I've missed this..
If she's old enough and capable enough, try and make it a task for her to do something for the cats daily. iif the fur is an issue ask her to comb them, to get rid of most of the shedding in one go. (you can get special cat combs. If you're ok with 3 year old DD being near them, and if shes gentle - can get a special glove (think its by JML), you wear to stroke the cats, and it picks up loose fur. You could 'teach' her to stroke them.

If you can't afford this atm, ask DD (cat owner) to vaccuum every now and again.
You'll find that the worst places for fur are where they're sat for long periods of time, rather than all over the place, so she could only have to focus on those parts of the house.

In terms of training, some cats respond, some don't. But almost all of them need a routine. Use treats (dreamies are the best) to guide them to a particular spot, to get them off the counters. All of my cats, when they come in or wake up, wait at a particular spot to have their treats every day.

In terms of stealing human food, the only thing you can do is keep stopping them, and distract them and they will eventually give up. The best way I've found, is to just hold my hand over the plate so they can't reach the food. I also started coordinating our dinner time with the cats, so whilst we've got food out, they're too busy eating themselves to realise (if dinners are at different times at your place, then the treats work well for this as well)

If they do go outdoors a lot (sorry I've not seen if they do or not) let them out a lot during the day. They tire themselves out then in the evening they will just eat, poop and sleep Grin

Sorry for the long post, I hope it all works out for you.

DanHumphreyIsA · 08/09/2017 22:38

Sorry, also to add, if you are intent on keeping them outside completely or if whatever you try makes no difference to how you feel then it would be best to rehome. contact the shelters asap as they are very full unfortunately.

Try posting on other forums (such as petforum) or on facebook groups for animal shelters as the people on there can point you in the direction of animal fosterers instead of shelters, it may be a quicker option.

hotsouple · 08/09/2017 22:40

Hope you don't live by that cat killer :(

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