To not let the cats in the house?

[cantkeepcalm]

I understand there are cat lovers on here which would say IABU but I have two cats which I do not want but I feel I'm forced to keep them for the DC by my XDP. I'm not allowed to get rid of them because I'll be made out to be a bad person if I do basically.
Bit of background, we lived together and had 2 DC together and he has an older DC from a previous relationship. I moved to my mums after we split, he then got a new GF and just moved in with her so I moved back here (stayed on the tenancy). His older DC, didn't want to move so she stays with me. She wants the cats and loves them (not that she actually looks after them I do). When XDP lived here he let the cats do what they like and the carpets were always furry etc (even though he hated them himself).
I feed them and then they go back outside. XDP has just called me horrible names saying I'm cruel. I like the keep the house fur free and clean, I know a few people who keep their animals outside. If I do let them in then they stay in the kitchen. I can't stand them going on my DC beds or leaving fur stuck in my carpets or on my sofas. They don't have a cat flap so I've been told to leave the kitchen window open which means then walking all over my clean kitchen worktop to get in and out and it disgusts me. AIBU to want to keep my house clean, I feel uneasy with them in the house! They steal food of peoples plates, be sick on my carpet, wee in the kitchen etc if they're left in all the time. Since they have stayed out my house just feels so much more cleaner and I feel I can relax a bit more. But no now I'm cruel. They're far from neglected! I don't leave them out to starve, they have a bed in the shed so they have shelter.

Just feel so upset right now! Sorry for the rant!!

Another call to rehome them. You clearly have no idea, and are being cruel in your ignorance of how to care for them.
Not everyone is a cat person, I get that. And yes your ex should take responsibility, but if he doesn't you shouldn't prolong the cruelty and should sort it yourself before the weather gets bad.
Don't assume they will find another home themselves, some cats are capable of doing this, but some aren't.

Is there any way to train them to not go on sofas, of climb on kitchen worktops, or to not eat food off our plates?

In short, no. You can train them not to do it when you're home, but as soon you as you go out, they'll go wherever they please. Cats do what they want, when they want.

If you want to keep the cats, you need to provide for them properly. That means food, fresh water, shelter, blankets/beds, toys, a scratch post and litter trays (one per cat, plus an extra). You also need to be willing to clean up hairballs, any catches they bring in, accidents they might have and take them to the vet, administer flea/worm treatment and pay for any medical care they need.

If you're not willing to do that (and more) then you need to do the right thing and rehome them. My mum is like you and hates cat hair/animal hair in the house - it's perfectly reasonable to feel like that - but if thats the case you can't have pets.

Get a cat flap installed, don't leave food laying around in worktops and if they do jump up for food clap loudly and shoo them away, get a cat bed / blankets and put in the living room / kitchen and spray it with catnip to encourage them to sleep in it.
Your the human and adult so you need to be the one to make the rules, it might take a few weeks but worth it in the long run.
Feed them regularly 2x daily and a few treats if they go in their bed. Don't feed them anywhere else apart from where they're bowls are.

Do they have warm shelter outside the home? We have 3 cats and while they sleep in our kitchen at night, by day they are outside and can access the garage by a cat flap. I have a carpeted area in it with cat tree, beds etc and we keep an oil filled radiator on at a low heat when it's cold outside.

Just to clear up, I do worm them, I do de-flea them too and I have insurance for them to cover their jabs etc.
They have a bed and a scratch post, all this is in the kitchen, we had a litter tray before but the girl one kept weeing over the side and would all go underneath, my XDP has had to cut up a chunk of our kitchen flooring because there was wee which seeped all under the lino.
I will 100% consider a cat flap.

I'm not totally heartless, just wanted to know if I was in the wrong which I accepted I was and then therefore asked for advice.

Forgot to mention they have toys too, them little balls and catnip mice etc

OP I totally get where you are coming from. We have a cat I'm now very fond of but cat owning was foisted on me by DH when she was a kitten. I can't bear the hair, the walking on counters, constantly keeping doors closed, cleaning litter trays, cleaning up excrement etc etc.
When I was growing up we lived in the countryside and had outdoor cats. My parents were hygienic and we were always taught to wash our hands after playing with cats and dogs or when we came in from outside and before meals etc.
DH will pet our cat and then root in the fridge or cupboard, let her lick plates, drink out of cups etc. It's very difficult. But she hates all other people except us, cat lovers or not, so it would be totally unfair to rehome her. In fact we had to live in a hovel for 5 or 6 months last year because we couldn't find a decent place to rent that would take a cat. I sympathise.

Two cats ought to have three litter trays.
Shoo them off work surfaces.
Never leave food out.
Keeping them off sofas? Um why? Washable throws?
You seem to think they are filthy animals who only exist to dirty your home. Really should regime them if that's how you feel.

I have a cat which has never been on the kitchen worktop, has never slept on the beds and very rarely gets on the sofa anymore. We have no cat flap and she comes in when someone opens the door for her.

She used to try to investigate upstairs but we have shooed her down enough that she doesn't bother trying to go up anymore. She sleeps in the lounge on a large cushion on the floor and spent most of the day outside this Summer. She is deflead and wormed like clockwork.

I have OCD and really struggled when she was a kitten and she was using a litter tray, and still do when she tracks wet paw prints through the house, but I didn't want my DC to miss out on having a pet because of my issues.

Can you start training them to not do what you don't want them to do? It may take a few weeks but it would be worth it.

My DC were devastated when our previous cat went missing so don't underestimate how upset your kids will be if you get rid.

Oh this is a tricky one as I have an outdoor cat

She chose to move out when I got my dog, though I am doing all I can to keep things warm for her outside

She has a bed and food in an outhouse which is above our bathroom. So heat goes up to there

We will also put a nice thick duvet up there aswell for extra warmth in the winter. I let her in through the window when she chooses to come in but I can't close the window or she freaks out. She will not stay inside.

As long as your cats have somewhere warm to go, they should be fine.

My mums new partner has cats and when they moved in together she was in a similar situation. The cats are only allowed in the kitchen/ dining room and in the outhouse so they're warm and loved but not allowed on the carpets ? Maybe a compromise is needed here?

You are being cruel unless the cats have only ever lived outdoors?

You don't want those cats. Rehome them and let them have a nice life with someone who loves them rather than a pretty rubbish life with someone who doesn't show them any affection.

The one is weeing because there is only one litter tray!
Two cats=two litter trays!
The dominant cat is using the litter trays, the other cat is stressed and not able to use it.

Normally id say yabu to rehome but in this case i think rehoming would be the best thing for those little things.

I don't think it's a dominant cat issue, OP says she's weeing over the side; some cats have awful aim. Get a good, large, covered tray and try that (you might want to try taking the front flap off to start with so they can access it with ease. Personally I have 2 trays and we're fine, no dominance issues with the trays

Yes, cats can be trained not to go on worktops. I have 4 - 3 don't do it at all, youngest is still young but jumps down the second she hears my voice so she's learning. They don't steal food either; you need to pick them up and put them off the table every time they hop up when you're eating.

Cat hair...yeah you have to learn to live with it to an extent I'm afraid, grooming helps but they will shed, especially at the start of summer.

Thank you for all the advice.
I do apologise for those I've angered though.
All comments have been taken on board. Thank you

Yes, you are being cruel. As someone previously said, Cats do need interaction and affection. They are very very sensitive animals and can become very anxious if not treated properly. It makes me very uncomfortable to think someone like you, who clearly hates their pets as you do (based on your language - you seemed disgusted by them!) is responsible for looking after animals. Would you notice or even care if one of them got ill and needed vetinary treatment? Cats need a safe, warm place to call home. Your home clearly isn't it. Better to rehomed the poor things with someone who has the ability to care about them.

I think you are unintentionally cruel. Yes, cats go out but not many pet cats live outside. They are a pain, I have one and he is a bind and a pain in the backside.
However, I like cats and having one around, so I dont mind the more annoying aspects of my cat's behaviour. If you do rehome them, go through Cat's Protection or RPSCA.

It is possible to get a high sided litter tray, or use a plastic storage box. If necessary cut a bit out of the front for access but try it without first. That will contain the wee if you ensure the sides are higher than where the cat pees.

A covered tray with a high sided base would also help although it can seep through the join if you have a high pee-er.

The rule is one tray per cat and one spare and they need to be scooped often as some cats will not use a soiled tray.

Feral cats live outside because they don't have a choice. The vast majority of cats, even if they like to be outdoors a lot, still want abs need access to warmth and, importantly, somewhere dry. It is cruel to make them live outside all the time.

Personally I think you should rehome them. You don't seem to know anything about them and although you're obviously not intentionally cruel, you have zero affection for them and neither you nor the cats will be happy like this. Your ex is bullying you over this and both you and the cats deserve better.

All my cats go out at night, it's when they hunt and roam. They sleep all day (sometimes on the compost heap : ) or in the kitchen..
I'm not sure they feel the cold as much as we do and they scream and scratch to get out if I try to keep them in. They seem very happy / healthy.

None of my mil go outside at night. She even gets one that comes in and sleeps in the house randomly, especially in the winter at night
It's cruel to keep them out if its not what they're used to.
Clearly the one that visits mil is not impressed at being out at night!

Whose cats are they, who bought them?

I'd rehome them - you can't keep animals you fundamentally don't like/want to please the kids and your ex who doesn't want them either!

Mine have a cat flap and beds etc. but choose to stay out (and prefer a cardboard box to their comfy beds!!