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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just say what you mean!

64 replies

Maryof1993 · 08/09/2017 13:48

I work shifts. So if DP wants to go out, he will need to know what I'm working. Simple.
So, I get asked 'what are you doing at the end of September?'.
So, I respond 'What do you mean? On the 30th?'
'No, on the 29th'
Why can't he just ask what I am working on the 29th? Why does it have to be a difficult extraction of information so I can be asked the correct question for him to receive the correct information that he needs to know?

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 09/09/2017 00:21

One question which was precisely answered is hardly a "difficult extraction of information". Jeez Louise, just get a kitchen calendar and write your shifts on it, then you won't ever have to have a conversation with him ever again.

Original poster
Maryof1993 · 09/09/2017 00:22

It would be if you were doing the same hours every day for a week.
But with shift work there isn't really such a thing as a 'week', as you work weekends, and even if you do several of the same shifts in a row, you wouldn't change to a different shift at the beginning of a week

OP posts:
hasitcometothis33 · 09/09/2017 00:27

Do you ever think that you're just someone who is really hard work, Maryof1993

Original poster
Maryof1993 · 09/09/2017 00:30

Do you ever think that you're just someone who is really hard work, Maryof1993
I can't see what the problem is. Ask me what you want to know and I'll tell you.

OP posts:
Shankarankalina · 09/09/2017 00:33

*Do you ever think that you're just someone who is really hard work, Maryof1993

I can't see what the problem is. Ask me what you want to know and I'll tell you.*

Okay, I'll bite. What are you working around the end of September?

2017SoFarSoGood · 09/09/2017 00:33

Poor OP's DH.

FastWindow · 09/09/2017 00:36

What the problem is, is not mary. It's the continuously vague behaviour of Mr Mary, and I fully understand.

Partners of deeply irregular and unreliable people empathise.

NoProblemForMe · 09/09/2017 00:39

YANBU to expect him to ask "Are you working on 29th September" if that's what he actually wants to know.

I'd be a bit irritated too if this is a regular thing, less so if it's a one-off.

troodiedoo · 09/09/2017 00:40

You sound like hard work Grin

Your shifts must follow some kind of pattern unless you're on zero hours contract?

My dh works a 7 days over 2 weeks continental shift pattern. I just fill it out on the calendar every month.

hasitcometothis33 · 09/09/2017 00:42

People aren't 'perfect'. Love them as are or leave them alone.

Anecdoche · 09/09/2017 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverBirchTree · 09/09/2017 02:08

Why does DP need to know if you're working before he can plan to go out?

SilverBirchTree · 09/09/2017 02:11

And to answer your question, I can see how it could be a bit annoying but YABU.

Everyone has small slightly annoying traits. If you love someone, let that stuff go and focus on the whole person.

Its horrible to nitpick and criticise your partner over something so tiny. Give him a break.

Original poster
Maryof1993 · 09/09/2017 07:43

Why does DP need to know if you're working before he can plan to go out?

Childcare

OP posts:
Original poster
Maryof1993 · 09/09/2017 07:44

shift work with a pattern is quite common.
Yes. I work to a pattern

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 09/09/2017 07:50

I dislike when this happens:

Person 1: Vague query
Person 2: Further info needed. Do you mean This scenario, or This scenario, or This scenario?
Person 1: Slowly decides it may be Scenario 1.
Person 2: Well is it sub-Scenario 1a, 1b or 1c?
Person 1: Further slowness.

What we NEED to do is respond like this:

Person 1: Vague question.
Person 2: You need to give me more details or I can't help.

Put the onus on Person 1 to do some of their own fucking thinking. DH regularly does this in conversation - he insists you explain to him where the holes in his thinking are instead of doing it himself!!

You have my sympathy op Grin

OliviaStabler · 09/09/2017 07:52

Yes. I work to a pattern

Then surely his question was valid? He would expect you to answer 'nights' or 'days' or something similar if your shifts follow a pattern.

MrTrebus · 09/09/2017 07:54

Biscuit and yet your post has involved various extra questions from people to extract the required information.

Ohyesiam · 09/09/2017 08:05

I know what you mean op. Conversation this morning
Oh "are you meeting best friend at all this week?"
Me( busy) "No"
Oh"tut, well are you working near ( small town) this week "
Me ( still busy, in fact more busy) "No"
Oh " oh, tut"
Me " Why? "( slightly irritated by the tutting)
Oh (exasperated at not being immediately understood)" well I wondered if you could get me some ( specific breakfast cereal)"
Me " they sell that in the local Coop, why didn't you just say that?"

What a waste of time.

ButchyRestingFace · 09/09/2017 08:07

Your husband is my new hero, OP. Grin

graziemille · 09/09/2017 08:14

OP. He was obviously asking what shift pattern you were on at the end of The month. Cut him some slack.

nodogsinthebedroom · 09/09/2017 08:20

Also ignoring the bitchiness

I can see how that would be annoying.

Definitely share an electronic calender, or put a paper one on the fridge (I also work shifts).

TheStoic · 09/09/2017 08:21

Yeah I agree, OP. It's annoying. If the question doesn't have enough information for you to answer it, just say 'I don't know.'

Oh, and you should take it as a compliment if mumsnet decides you 'sound like hard work.'

Blackcatonthesofa · 09/09/2017 08:29

One of my ex boyfriends did this. He couldn't string two sentences together without giving me something to think about. I got mad at him once. He didn't get it. He said he liked to make people think. I do that at my job all day. When I come home just tell me something or ask a simple question. Some posters do not understand how wearing this is if it happens all the time. I dumped him soon after,

supersop60 · 09/09/2017 08:35

Oh, the vagueness.
Me: What time are you leaving?
DP: well the gig starts at 9.00
Me: so what time are you leaving?
DP: I've got to pick up friend first.
Me: So what time are you leaving?
DP: (big huff) I suppose about 7.00 -
then proceeds to faff about until 7,30 and rings me when it's 8.55 and the satnav has let him down/roadworks/traffic, AND HE'S GOING TO BE LATE.