To think you can be an outgoing, extroverted person and still suffer from anxiety?

[hellohellogoodbye]

I've suffered occasionally from severe anxiety and OCD since I was very young.

As I'm 40 now and used to managing it more (it's often hand in hand with terrible pms so know sometimes when to expect it) I have a better handle on it. But I still sometimes suffer from it badly at times.

But, I'm also a fairly extroverted person. I like having lots of friends. I love throwing parties. I love going out a lot, both with dh and ds and alone.

I've learned over the years though that when I'm suffering from a bout of anxiety, bad pms or OCD (or a lovely combination) that I'm just better off alone. I've realised I can come across as edgy and weird and more often than not end up upsetting someone or ending up with them thinking I'm really off key.

So now I recognise what's going on I'll stay home.

Both my Mum, mil and a couple of friends have said that it's not possible for someone who suffers from the aforementioned to be extroverted and a social person. It's just me making things up to get out of doing something I don't want to.

This isn't true at all! 9 times out of 10 I'm gutted I'm missing out and sit at home with massive fomo.

It especially hurts that my Mum doesn't take my mental health seriously. I feel like I've battled really hard to overcome these things and when they do (as I said less rarely these days) feel anxious I keep out of people's way so as not to impact on them or their opinions of me.

But as over the years there's been probably 6 or so people that have said it's not possible to suffer these conditions and then be outgoing at other times I'm starting to question myself!

It's absolutely possible!

I will have an extroverted day and then analyse it all night as to how I spoke to people, did what I say make me seem ok? Do these people like me? On a terrible day I'll just tell myself I'm really annoying and shouldn't go out.

Everyone is so so different that no one can tell you!

That's EXACTLY how I am!!

Totally possible. It sounds like you're managing your mental health well.

Hello OP

In my own personal experience, you can definitely be an outgoing and extroverted person and still suffer from anxiety, yep, cos I am and I do.

Actually if I'm really navel-gazing I'd say I was an extroverted introvert, but let's not split hairs.

I'm outwardly very very chatty, I like people, I like meeting new people, I'm extremely good (though I say so myself) at small talk, and even at bigger talk (!)

But I'm a bag of nerves underneath it all, I'm a very very anxious person in ways that only my DH and closest friend really know. I also struggle with social anxiety, oddly enough, I take a long long time to feel truly comfortable with people and am constantly worried they don't like me/think I'm annoying/would rather talk to someone else than me.

It's not borne out by logic - if I'm taking off my anxiety hat, it really seems as if other people DO like me - but it plagues me all the time nonetheless.

If I allow the anxiety to get me, it creeps up so that I get properly anxious about everyday situations like chatting to some mums at the school gates etc. And yet without fail I will show up and be chatty, go out of my way to talk to everyone etc. (if that sounds like I'm some kind of OTT mingler, I'm not - I hope - but I somehow dredge up the energy to talk to everyone even if I've felt shit and sick with nerves about it 5 mins previously)

I go out, socially, very rarely cos I just can't handle it. As in, I would never ever plan a night out with a friend more than once every 2 weeks because it drains me. And I would ALWAYS rather have a night out with one friend than a big group. I often cancel big group events at the last minute as I just can't face it. But if I do go, I have a great time (despite the anxiety - a glass or two of wine help!)

So yeah, in a nutshell, I totally get where you're coming from. It's a tricky one as I come across a lot of people who are 'shy' and they have far better friends/social lives than I do. Nobody (not even DH) would ever describe me as shy or introverted but I can get myself into a real state about social things and I'm also a very anxious person in general. I worry about everything.

YANBU. I am similar to you minus the pms. I love chatting to people and socialising and making friends and going to parties or going on nights out but sometimes.. I just can't. I just find it too anxious. I really can't explain it. Like you, 9 times out of 10, after I've worked up the courage to let people know I'm not socialising with them on that particular night or event, I regret it and feel like I want to go. And I'm also one of those who have to really, really talk themselves into going somewhere or meeting up with people, then when I do, don't want it to end and encourage people to carry on I can't explain it and have now given up trying to rationalise it. If I'm in the mood, I'll be sociable, if I'm not, then I won't.

It's that worry about how people see you.

I used to not even be able to take the bus as I was scared of asking for a ticket the wrong way.

I still can't call room service in a hotel or call up and pay bills. I got in to horrendous debt back in the UK because of my inability to deal with things.

Yet I'm sometimes happy telling a long, convoluted joke in front of 30 odd people.

So it's a thing then? Good. I thought as much. There's nowt as queer as folk!

My DD is like this. She suffers dreadful anxiety in situations where she isn't in control of her surroundings. However, she has a part-time customer facing job where she is helped and supported by fantastic colleagues and is a very confident amateur dramatist and also sings and dances. If you saw her in her "comfort zone" you would think I'm talking complete bollocks.

I have also had to watch her face situations that make her anxious and can see her physically tremble and shut down in panic.

I am immensely proud of her for all her achievements.

Yanbu!

I'm nearly 47, and anxiety and panic attacks are a new thing for me. It started about 6 months ago.

I run a busy company, am married and have 4 dc. I'm outgoing, sociable and used to meeting new people both socially and for work. But now I'm most definitely faking the confidence and pretty much put a mask on each morning to disguise the self doubt.

I think you're coping wonderfully, and you've managed to identify your low times and triggers.

Totally possible. For years now I have been trying (with varying degrees of success) to manage my growing anxiety. There is not a chance that anyone would be aware of this. I do a high level job which involves a lot of presenting - which I am really good at and I talk to everyone - I have no problem in chatting away to people and I have a lot of people I know and a few close friends. When I tell close friends about my anxiety they are shocked and I sometimes find it very difficult to explain how it manifests and makes me feel. It does constantly amaze me that some days I can have been awake from 4am, possibly throwing up because I am so anxious, and then I go out into the world and deliver a presentation to hundreds of people who actually learn something from it. In a weird way it makes me feel very strong to be able to function - that's until the doubts creep in and I start over analysing everything again. Sigh, it's exhausting and I do wonder if (and desperately hope) it will ever end.

I think it's really difficult for people to understand and quite easy for them to dismiss when you appear to function well OP. Don't stop looking after yourself.

I am very confident and outgoing - I often give presentations to large groups of people I don't know for example and I love it
However, when I'm not in control or in charge I suffer from bad anxiety which manifests by my being quite stroppy and aggressive. I find travelling difficult if I don't know exactly what will be happening for example and end up being very early for things as the possibility of being late is very upsetting.
Not having a plan for the next 5 minutes, 24 hours, 6 months is frightening
I doubt that anyone would guess I suffer from anxiety as I always seem so in charge but that's how I manage it

I'm an outgoing, friendly extrovert who loves meeting new people and in some ways have a lot of confidence however I am a terrible worrier and a catastrophic thinker particularly around my health!
I've also started to realise that I'm also a bit of a people pleaser.
I don't believe my extroversion is put on though but my natural state.

Not at all OP- it makes sense to me.

Oh @Jessicake...

I think we're the same person 😂

I'm exactly the same although with work colleagues I tend not to socialise as they make my anxiety worse! But I take dd on play dates, socialise, go out places, make friends etc.

Yes OP this I can definitely relate too.
You're doing well to recognise that you have this but do not question yourself.
Put yourself first and try and ignore the people who do not have any empathy or understanding.

Thanks all!

Oh yes I get the being late thing. I think in all the years I've worked I've been late for work twice and that was down to tube strikes.

Being even a minute late for a casual drink with friends can have me vomiting in fear.

And I'm the same traveling. I usually have to know exactly where I'm going and when. I tried backpacking around Australia on my own and it was living hell! I spent most of it hiding under my sleeping bag in hostels!

We're going on a trip tomorrow and I'm trying to pack now. It may be four nights it may be seven and we're not sure where we'll be staying due to it being a boat trip and dependant on hurricane Irma and Jose. Ack. I've needed a whiskey and to kick dh, ds, ddog and dcats out of the house for an hour so I don't get yelly!

I used to have a job where part of it was to invigilate adult exams and some days it was awful! I'd go to speak and it would come out in a little farty squeak.

Other days I have a bit of banter and have the whole group laughing.

There must be some kind of name for our personality type?

Story of my life.

"But you're so energetic/outgoing/lively/friendly/fun/confident .... How can you be anxious?"

"Anxious? Sometimes I think I'm fucking dying."

I think my constant replaying of social situations drives dh nuts.

I dissect most interactions with a fine tooth comb five times.

This is what having a narc mother does.

To the outside world I seem confident, extroverted and outgoing.

Internally I have dreadful anxiety issues and 'checking' syndrome. I have dreams both when asleep and awake about things that might happen. Usually involving my DS dying or being taken or poorly. I'm learning to manage it but it's hard.

I am not exactly extroverted but I am not introverted either. I love going out and I love having lots of people in my house. Kids always have friends over and I don't mind. However, when an anxiety attack hits I lock myself away and can't function. Luckily this happens only a few times per year. My mom has seen me like this so now knows I do truly suffer.

Has your mom seen you mid-attack?

I am an anxious extrovert. Or a bloody good actress. I am chatty, generally come across as outgoing and capable (so I'm told) and have a stressful job that involves speaking to people, running meetings and making decisions on the spot. I can also be up half the night panicking about anything and everything, I can freeze if I feel out of control e.g. in big crowds or strange cities but then I go to huge festivals and eat out alone when travelling for work. Sometimes it feels like I'm just playing a part or putting on an act to get by when inside my head I'm panicking and my stomach is churning like a washing machine!

Oh gosh OP YADNBU!

I also get incredibly anxious yet also love chatting to people and meeting new people. I think I'm fairly introverted but also love meeting new people and being with people, so maybe I'm an 'ambivert'.

I do get hugely anxious and nervous though, constantly worrying about how I'm coming across to people and overthinking absolutely everything - even down to really mundane things. It gets so much worse if I'm hungry or tired So for me, a good way of controlling it is just to make sure that I'm sleeping well and eating well, although at times it's a bit tricky.

I worry about all sorts of different things aaaall the time, but it's just so annoying to have to deal with.

for everyone - you've all just described exactly how I feel. I really did think it was just me - I'm always surprised when I hear that other people have anxiety, as everyone else always looks like they've just got everything sorted!

Omg are you me?
I have many friends and my job requires me to be charming, engaging and inspiring yet I'm a nervous fucking wreck inside.
I have diarrhoea most days because of the nerves in my stomach and rarely get through a day without a beta blocker / diazepam.
Appearances are very deceiving, you just never know what people are dealing with.

I'm so glad I posted. Friends and family were really beginning to make me think I was imagining things! Which is ridiculous because when you're throwing up because you can't face going to the store to buy milk you know there is something up. Not to mention having been diagnosed many, many years ago by many different professionals.

I'm also glad that the people on this thread have shown that anxiety may not always present so obviously.