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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU stranger park

45 replies

smith86 · 07/09/2017 17:48

So I'm visiting NT property with park. I'm feeding DS 12 weeks old and my DD who is just two is playing in front of me we are on our own, enclosed and safe in the playground but. Family come in with approx 7 year old I'm presuming mum, dad and grandparents.
Now AIBU ... the what I'm presuming to be the mum picked my daughter up on her own accord and started helping her across these wooden stepping stone things. Then when she did that ten minutes later she picked her up again helping her across some higher stone things. My daughter wasn't near them and didn't ask for help. Then I'm presuming the grandad lifted her up on this large wooden Apple thing. Then I had enough as made me feel really uncomfortable I put baby down and got DD and said we got to go home as I need to cook dinner. I know they were probably absolutely harmless but it made me feel really uncomfortable and I've never felt like that before with my children.
Question is AIBU to think you don't just pick up people's kids? It also made me think about when you start discussing stranger danger as in don't go off with adults!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/09/2017 17:51

Oh ffs you were feeding your other kid

They thought they'd be you know...nice like most normal people are.

Henrysmycat · 07/09/2017 17:52

Your gut feeling is there for a reason. You don't need to justify yourself to strangers. I'd have done the same.

FrancisCrawford · 07/09/2017 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alittlepotofrosie · 07/09/2017 17:55

Don't be so ridiculous.

FannyFifer · 07/09/2017 17:55

They prob just thought they were doing you a favour. Folk can be nice you know without any dodgy motive.

takeitback · 07/09/2017 17:58

Op I don't think you are being ridiculous. Most people would only help a child in that way after the child had asked and AFTER shouting over the the mother feeding the baby, is it ok if I help her with so and so

They were likely just being kind and helpful but you have every right to feel uncomfortable about this happening

MrsJamesAspey · 07/09/2017 18:00

I think they were just being nice and thought as you can't be feeding your youngest and helping your older one they were helping out. I'm a single parent and would have appreciated it back in the days when I had to go to the park thankfully those days of spending hours in the park are long gone

Original poster
smith86 · 07/09/2017 18:01

I mean I've never felt like this I go out everyday with them and you help other children if they going to fall off the soft play or trapped etc. I know they were absolutely 99% harmless I just thought it was odd that she was independently playing and they just picked her up and no one asked. I mean why not play with your own child right ?

OP posts:
Seniorcitizen1 · 07/09/2017 18:02

Its people like you that stop people being nice to other people's children - get a grip

takeitback · 07/09/2017 18:04

As for 'stranger danger' I think too many parents scare children into thinking all adults they don't know are 'bad people'

I remember once saying hello to a child who smiled at me and she frowned and said 'your a bad stranger, I shouldn't talk to you' Confused

For as long as you are with your child and watching them I don't feel there is any need for this talk. Maybe when they start school mention to them that they must never go with an adult they do not know etc and always wait for mummy

takeitback · 07/09/2017 18:06

All these short arsey replies are stupid!

Everyone has a right to feel the way they choose to feel about THEIR child. Ignore them op

CleopatraCatLover · 07/09/2017 18:06

Yabu, they saw you were feeding the baby so were helping out. I've helped other kids on play equipment, especially 2 year old.

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2017 18:10

Everyone has a right to feel the way they choose to feel about THEIR child. Ignore them op

Yeah great idea.

Start a random thread on the internet asking strangers if you're being unreasonable, and then ignore anyone who says yes? Confused

takeitback · 07/09/2017 18:10

Hmm most have helped other children in various situations when they've visibly needed that help or asked for help.

I've picked up many children when they are stuck, upset, lost, hurt etc but wouldn't dream of walking up to a child and doing it if none of these circumstances unless I said to the parent feeding the baby 'would you like me to help her'

knowsmorethansnow · 07/09/2017 18:10

When I'm helping my youngest with something at the park and another child asks for help I quiet often hold their hand in the balancing beam or push them in the round about. I thought I was normal.

takeitback · 07/09/2017 18:11

*WorraLibity
*
People are not being kind or helpful, basically just telling her she is wrong

Ttbb · 07/09/2017 18:12

I'm sure that they were harmless it I agree that it is really weird. It's like someone coming up to your child at a restaurant, picking up their spoon be feeding them. Clearly they were trying to be helpful but their help was neither requested nor necessary. Very strange.

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2017 18:12

That's because they think she is wrong Confused

What's unkind or unhelpful about telling the OP that?

Welshmaenad · 07/09/2017 18:13

Op do you mean your daughter was merrily engaged in play and they just picked her up and placed her on equipment that she wasn't near, or trying to get in, or showing any interest in?

takeitback · 07/09/2017 18:13

Don't be so ridiculous

How is this helpful?

Op is asking for opinions on the matter not asking to be told she is being ridiculous

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2017 18:14

But if people think she is being ridiculous then that's a perfectly valid answer.

If they'd said, "Don't be ridiculous you silly cunt" or something similar, then I would agree that's both unkind and unhelpful.

takeitback · 07/09/2017 18:17

Well my opinion is that I think people are just being unkind and unhelpful

So then I have a right to say so too!?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 07/09/2017 18:22

YANBU, they probably were nice people but it's not ok to just pick up a random small child and put her on play equipment. Yes you would catch them if they are falling/wobbling, or you might ask the parent if it's ok to help them, but you don't just walk off with them and do as you please.

SongforSal · 07/09/2017 18:26

This reminds of the time my DP was pushing our DS on a swing, and a little toddler came over and tried to get in the swing next to our child. She was too little so DP picked her up and popped her in,

  • whilst looking around trying to work out who/where the parent was !

Parent came over, gave DP a 'look', took her child and stormed of. Poor DP said he felt terrible, and sadly reasoned that he felt he should not have picked her up, at the same time she was loitering there with no visible parent, and could have been hit by the swing that he was pushing.

He thought he was being kind. Sad state of affairs when a trip to the local park warrants adults becoming suspicious.

WorraLiberty · 07/09/2017 18:28

The thing is, the OP said her child is just two.

It's likely the couple thought a child that young would get much more fun out of the equipment, with a bit of help to use it.