For Feeling Guilty About Blocking A Friend

[zukiecat]

I have been friends with this woman for quite a number of years, and until now never had any kind of issue with her.

I've posted before about this, but the situation is that DD2 is very unwell mentally for the past few months, we've had 8 hospital admissions since the middle of June, DD2 is finally getting the help she needs and things do seem to be improving, though it will be a long process.

I have no family support, but a work colleague has become a good fried through all this. She isn't the friend I have a problem with.

So that's the back story. My problem is that the other friend, I'll call her G to make it a bit easier, just will not stop texting or calling me. She can start at 9am, and she's still texting me at 9pm, this is every single day. If I don't answer within 20 minutes or so she's texting back with heaps of questions about why haven't I answered, where am I, what am I doing. If I say I'm busy and can't talk she gets offended, I work shifts and always on my teabreak I have about 10 texts asking why haven't I answered, I say I'm working til 10pm, then there's another load of texts at 10pm.

I just don't have the headspace or energy for all this, most of the texts are about her, and who she has fallen out with that week.

I blocked her number, but then she started with WhatsApp, with passive aggressive statements such as "Seeing as my texts are not getting through I'm WhatsApping to ensure you get them"

So now I've totally blocked her from contacting me at all, I'm just so tired of all these texts and messages every singe day without fail, but a part of me feels guilty because we have been good friends in the past,

I just want a day without any texts, but AIBU about this?

Sorry this was longer than I intended it to be, thanks for reading though

Have you explained to her that all the contact is too much before blocking her? She might feel she's being supportive.

why didn't you just say something to her? Tell her it's overwhelming and you can't cope?

You aren't being unreasonable not to want to be bombarded but have you actually told her to stop? Might be more effective than just blocking.

Have you said anything to her or just blocked?

Yes, I have said that all the messages were getting a bit much, and I needed to have some days just to focus on DD, or just be

I have also told her that I appreciate the support she was giving me.

Nothing changed though, the messages still continued

She's not a friend though, she's an emotional vampire.

No friend, or even decent person would harrass you in that way. It is harrasement.

The question I always ask is 'would I behave in that way?', if the answer is no, then do not be afraid to pass judgement & move on. We are socialised as girls to always 'be nice'. Many time that leads women to accepting behaviour from other people, including other women, which is unacceptable.

You can't always be nice, especially when dealing with other people who aren't. Stand up for youself & block away!

In which case block her guilt free.

nothing to feel guilty about. I couldnt deal with that at all. She sounds quite aggressive with her constant questioning and demands that you answer.

Does G have mental health issues too. I can't understand why she would continue to bombard you with messages if you had already explained it was a bit much.

If I told her to back off and she didn't I'd do the same. Got to have personal boundaries or people like her will drain you dry

No G has no mental health issues, or none that I know of anyway

She does fly off the handle very easily, and takes offence where none is meant, she recently got a pedigree dog, her dad also got one from the same litter, she messaged me saying she was fuming because her dad named his new puppy after a sportsman she doesn't like, just to "get back" at her

That isn't a normal reaction so maybe she does have her own issues

She doesn't sound rational. You have more than enough on your plate, so no need to feel guilty for blocking her entirely.
I would be surprised if she backs away tho - isn't she likely to turn up at your door?

I remember you posting about this before I think.

From what you've said, it definitely seems like you are well within your rights to block her. By texting you all day and every day, demanding immediate replies and then being offended when you don't answer or explain that you're busy, she's practically harassing you in my opinion. It's aggressive and paranoid and absolutely not normal behaviour.

You have told her that the texts are too much, and she hasn't listened. Blocking her is definitely the next step I think. I don't see any other solution.

From what you said re her fury at her dad giving a dog a name she didn't like, she sounds incredibly neurotic. You don't need this woman in your life and you don't owe her a thing. Block her, and enjoy the text-free hours!

I think that would be very unlikely BMW

She lives in a small town about 10 miles away, while I'm in the city and she doesn't drive, she'd never, ever get the bus, she'd need to get two to come here

She might get her husband to drive over though,

Agree that she sounds like an emotional vampire. I have a friend who has BPD who is very similar to this. Emotional vampires pray on people who are in tricky situations, or are feeling low, or don't have lots of friends. I am working to release myself from the fangs of my emotional vampire. My mental health is much better for it.

So you're not being unreasonable, you're saving your sanity!

Thank you Polly

It is nice knowing that I won't get a barrage of texts every day!

Good grief! Don't feel guilty at all!! If she was behaving like other people ie the odd text here and there then you wouldnt need to have blocked her. I agree with Polly - this woman is harassing you and frankly you have much bigger fish to fry.

Yes, I think that would be the best way AnecDouche

I'm not a confrontational person by any means, If it comes to that, then I will be honest with her, tell her that it's just too overwhelming.

Agree she isn't a friend and if you don't want her in your life then you don't have to have her in it.
I think you should have been clearer about not having time for all her texts and contacts and her getting upset when you don't reply to them though. Saying you appreciate her support was giving the opposite message.

Some people just get off on other people's stress.... It's like they feed from it because it makes them feel superior. If you had tried to explain that you need space and she hadn't paid attention, I would think that blocking her is the logical thing to do.

Absolutely don't feel guilty. Easier said than done. So sit with the guilt. It will pass. Not being in contact with her will help you and your dd to focus on what is really important. When you feel a bit more stable and have space to yourself, perhaps take some time to create boundaries to ensure this situation doesn't arise again.

I think it's fair enough if you have already told her there was too much texting for you to cope with tbh. Have to say when I have lots on my mind even the odd text seems incredibly intrusive so someone like G constantly texting would have driven me mad.

You've actually told her straight that the messages are too much abd She's took no heed of what you've said.

Yes YABU for feeling guilty. You've got other things on your mind. You don't need someone texting shit at a time like this.

Thankyou everyone for your replies

You've made me feel better about blocking her, and now I can focus on DD, and help her get through this