To ask you to help me with an action plan before I cry?

[Toddlermayhem]

I'm moving house in a few weeks. Me, two dc and a husband.

I really don't know which way to turn. We are doing a bit of work on the house before we move in, new bathroom, painting throughout then new carpets. So can't really start doing much cleaning and moving stuff over until it's ready. Meanwhile I feel like we are bursting at the seams with clutter.

We've got loads of stuff that either needs sorting out or getting rid of. Things like kids books toys and clothes that are too good to chuck, probably need to sort through and sell but have no time to do a car boot any time soon. The previous owners have kindly left us with a car load of stuff to get rid of too. Again most of it good to just chuck.

Dh and eldest dc leave their stuff everywhere so I spend my days off picking stuff up out of the way of a demanding toddler. If I complain to dh he puts stuff out of reach such as on top of kitchen cupboards, but still cluttering the place up.

I feel dh won't let me get rid of anything. For just one example our toddler has got about 30 teddies. I would like to keep maybe 4-5 special ones and charity shop the rest, but each time I bag things up dh gets them all out and hides them so I can't get rid.

I really don't know what to do or where to start.

To top it off I work part time and I've got a very demanding toddler under my feet and all the usual stuff to keep going, cooking, washing, dishwasher and so on.

Every cupboard, drawer and spare space is full of stuff and I feel like crying, I've got a mental blockage.

Dh can't do much more he already has a full time job and spend any spare time either helping with housework and kids or doing up our new house.

Do it a room at a time and be ruthless.
The previous owners left loads of stuff that is too good to chuck? Nope! Bin it!
Look up Kon Marie (?) method of clearing.

PA don't look at it as in what do you want to chuck, but what do you want to keep!

PS when I say chuck you can give to charity shop obviously. Just buy a big roll of tough bin bags and be ruthless!

Salvage what you actually want to keep and get a charity or house clearance to take the rest

Hire a house moving firm to box it all up for you. Move it temporarily into storage except for a suitcase of clothes and a few essentials. Obviously move in your furniture - that can be worked around for decorating. Just box up all the bits and bobs.

Then make a sensible plan with your husband about what to keep and what to chuck. There must be a limit. Ask him if you'd hol had 100 teddies should they all be kept? What about 500? 1000? You need to get on the same page about this.

Then

We are also hoping to move, and I've just decided my time is more important than money, so I'm taking everything that sellable to the charity shop. I'm not going to have time for a car boot, and the house needs to be sorted now.
I've only just come to the realisation that our stuff has to fit the space we have, so that means we're having to get rid of a lot of stuff so that everything has a home.
Can DH take the kids out at the weekend?
Also Marie Kondo is good for the mindset of getting rid of stuff. We now ask the kind DS to choose x number of favourites items and pack the rest to donate. It's surprising how quickly they know their favourite stuff.

If your husband keeps unbagging stuff, wait until you have a day off work, start clearing the moment he leaves and book a charity to come collect late afternoon, before he's home. Stick toddler in front of Ipad / tv for the day if you can't get anyone to babysit.

If DH has time to go through bags and hide teddies he has time to declutter

Rent a storage facility. Box stuff up and move it there ready to move into the new place/charity shop etc.

You can then sort and shift from the storage place. Many have access until late or 24 hour.

If your dh can't see it he can't interfere. Yes he should be supportive but time is tight and needs must.

I NCT nearly new sale kids and baby stuff. Price it low to get rid. Easier than eBay, Facebook or Freecycle ime.

No. Your dh doesn't get to sabotage your efforts like that. Be totally ruthless. This 'too good to chuck' stuff, is it really too good? If the only purpose it serves is to take up space until the mythical future when you have the time and inclination to eBay it, then you're just giving yourself pointless mental baggage.

Give it to the charity shop, or eBay it within an exact time frame. Tell your dh what's happening, don't allow him to undermine your efforts.

What about doing a boot sale? Is that an option

Your dh is sabotaging you! Don't let him get away with it! He hides ds's teddies so you can't get rid of them?? How odd.

Definitely charity shop all the stuff the previous owners left behind. It's not yours. You don't need it.

Ask yourself, is each item (of yours) useful or beautiful? Only keep things that are either.

Then you can decide how much to keep and what you can get rid of.

Do one room (or even one cupboard) at a time so it doesn't seem too daunting. It will all be worth it - you feel so much better after a good clear-out!

If I was looking to invest in a business I'd choose self storage. It's easy to bung all your stuff in there and tell yourself you'll deal with it in six weeks.

Then it's six months.

Then any mention of the storage unit brings you out in a cold sweat so you stop saying the words storage unit.

Meanwhile Mr Storage takes your money each month safe in the knowledge that human nature will make him a rich man.

Storage is great if your organised and disciplined. It serves a very handy purpose. But for the borderline hoarders and the I'll deal with it laterers, it's just giving money away to put your problems out of your immediate sight line.

The important thing is to not see giving it to a charity shop as 'second best' to doing a car boot. Somebody will really appreciate the stuff if it's good and the charity makes money as well win, win.
I was like your husband and was forever holding on to stuff, my DH has just learned to bag stuff up and take it when I'm out or away. It's brilliant and I never miss it.

Put everything but essentials in storage. Then ask DH to bring back anything from storage he thinks you need. He's likely to have a different view once he actually has to go back and forth himself.

I always use self storage when I move. But I'm fairly disciplined which the op sounds.

The out of sight out of mind thing is powerful and I would expect would work on the op's sabotaging dh :)

If your DH works FT how is he around to see all the stuff you are getting rid of?

Bag it up and away with it - charity shop/wherever. He is sabotaging your efforts to sort this and sounds like a pratt. If he continues I would go on strike and tell him he can sort it all out, you will be doing nothing.

I actually did this with an ex - I took off for a few days when we were due to move and he had to do it all himself. He rang me close to tears, suddenly agreeing with what I had been telling him for the past three months - "No, we don't need 752 glass tumblers" "Please can you sort out which tools/diy stuff you do or don't need from the garage" "No, I am taking all those toys to a charity shop because you do not have time to do the boot sale you keep promising"

It's hard but you need to be firm. Good luck in your new home

I think you can start packing up stuff that's not in daily use now

Call around your local charity shops, some will come and collect your stuff, especially if it's a decent amount. Would that help? You can arrange for things to be picked up while it's just you and DC in house, even if it's just the things you could bag up that morning.

Do you drive and have a car? Can anyone have the toddler for you for a few hours?

I'd be doing whatever necessary to get rid of stuff before your DH has chance to save it.

As for too good to chuck, don't waste time sorting through, just box it and give it to a charity shop. Unless you desperately need the money don't sell it just get rid of it. Otherwise you end up paying to store the stuff.

If you don't have a car some charities might be able to arrange for a pick up if you have a lot of stuff.

If no one can have the toddler I'd probably do a "bad mummy" day and sit toddler in front of CBeebies on the TV or the computer to get stuff done.

I agree with those saying that you shouldn't let your dh hold you back - I wouldn't get rid of any of his stuff, but yours, the kids, and household stuff is fair game.

If you can, get family to help you with your toddler or distract with a film or computer games/tablet.

First step: Don't even look at the stuff other people left behind - don't let it distract you. Just get rid - either house clearance people or charity shop. There's no such thing as items that are too good to get rid of if they are holding you back and causing you stress. You don't have time or any obligation to worry about other people's items.

Second step: Go through things a bit at a time. Even if that's one drawer or cupboard at a time. Don't try and do it all at once, you can't do that and you'll get discouraged. Have a bin bag ready for rubbish, a bag for charity shop donations, and a box for your items to sell if you really think you'll do that.

Third Step: GET RID OF THOSE ITEMS AS SOON AS YOU HAVE SORTED THEM. Don't put things down to be dealt with later. Take them straight to the charity shop or get them to come pick whatever it is up. And if you have any rubbish it goes straight in the bin or a quick trip to the tip.

Also: Don't look at charity shop donations or throwing things away as wasting money/items. The money you spent has already gone. Long gone. All that clutter is doing now is holding you back. The items however could bring someone else pleasure and raise much needed money for a good charity.

Also, by encouraging your kids to get used to getting rid of things you're preparing them well for later life. Hoarding isn't good for anyone.

Just try and do a little bit every day. One drawer or one cupboard. If you leave it all till the last minute you'll take all that junk with you to your new house.

I know it's overwhelming and stressful but you can do it!

I found the way to do it was to donate all the good stuff to charity so it didn't feel like throwing it away. Otherwise free cycle but I just didn't think I had the time. Everything else to the tip.

We moved recently and I found it very touch too. Storage for a while really helped, and as long as you can be disciplined it's a great idea. Just get rid of all of the stuff left behind - charity shop or tip. Most tips have an area where you can leave stuff for resale or reuse, which is helpful. Obviously much easier if you have a car.

I am quite a hoarder and find getting rid of sentimental things tough. In the end my Dp had to do quite a bit of that for us, I told her the sentimental stuff I definitely wanted to keep and she decided on the rest. I did the tip runs etc. Your partner needs to help more and perhaps could be given tasks that don't enable him to derail you?

I don't think storage is the answer here, it will be costly and is just an "out of sight out of mind" temporary solution.

OP, honestly do some reading on konmari and get inspired! Do an hour or so each day and ignore your husband, clear stuff out while he's at work.

We just moved with a significant down size so needed to declutter. Had no time to do it before and we had packers (highly recommended) so as we unpacked everything we went through it and had a big bin pile and a big charity shop pile.
It's hard work but feels great afterwards.
Agree with others about getting dh on board- sit down and talk to him about it.
Also re toys, we got my mum to come and take the kids out for a few hours as you can't possibly do it with them there exclaiming how much they love each and every toy.