To ask you to help me with an action plan before I cry?

[Toddlermayhem]

I'm moving house in a few weeks. Me, two dc and a husband.

I really don't know which way to turn. We are doing a bit of work on the house before we move in, new bathroom, painting throughout then new carpets. So can't really start doing much cleaning and moving stuff over until it's ready. Meanwhile I feel like we are bursting at the seams with clutter.

We've got loads of stuff that either needs sorting out or getting rid of. Things like kids books toys and clothes that are too good to chuck, probably need to sort through and sell but have no time to do a car boot any time soon. The previous owners have kindly left us with a car load of stuff to get rid of too. Again most of it good to just chuck.

Dh and eldest dc leave their stuff everywhere so I spend my days off picking stuff up out of the way of a demanding toddler. If I complain to dh he puts stuff out of reach such as on top of kitchen cupboards, but still cluttering the place up.

I feel dh won't let me get rid of anything. For just one example our toddler has got about 30 teddies. I would like to keep maybe 4-5 special ones and charity shop the rest, but each time I bag things up dh gets them all out and hides them so I can't get rid.

I really don't know what to do or where to start.

To top it off I work part time and I've got a very demanding toddler under my feet and all the usual stuff to keep going, cooking, washing, dishwasher and so on.

Every cupboard, drawer and spare space is full of stuff and I feel like crying, I've got a mental blockage.

Dh can't do much more he already has a full time job and spend any spare time either helping with housework and kids or doing up our new house.

I just want to encourage you to stick with decluttering and try to get your husband on side. We moved to a significantly smaller house two years ago, and as the date of moving got nearer I started to realise that I just couldn't bung everything that wouldn't fit into the new house in the garage. Together, we decided to get rid of almost everything that wouldn't fit in the house.

I gave it all the local hospice shop (they looked after my Mum when she died) and took bag after bag after bag - they even collected furniture - and it took me a few weeks to do it. I even thinned out my books, which I swore I'd never do!

I did go through quite a lot of emotions as I cleared, things reminding me of good/bad times, but when I was done I felt actually lightened. I really had a sense of being unburdened, which to be honest, was a surprise. I hadn't realised I was feeling weighed down until it all went.

Moving was made much easier because of it, and we paid less, too, which was a nice bonus!

Now I keep a bag in the airing cupboard and fill it with outgrown clothes/surplus stuff as we go along...I'm determined not to get cluttered again apart from DD's room but that's a whole other story

Another recommendation for donating unwanted but good things to charity shop. Your time is also valuable and you are unlikely to make enough by selling to make it worth it unless you have lots of spare time.

Thanks everyone.

I really am completely overwhelmed by it all. Like to the point it's not funny I feel like I'm going to breakdown.

I don't want to blame dh for everything because that's not fair but we do disagree about 'stuff'. For example I had a saucepan set, dh had a saucepan set from years before. We never used his set because the handles got hot and everything stuck to them. Then a couple of the handles snapped on mine. I had a whole new good quality set for Xmas so I put the old ones out to throw. I thought he'd taken them to the tip but found out he'd stashed them all in a bin bag in a cupboard.

Gosh that's infuriating! Clearly there's a deeper problem that needs fixing with your dh but I think you're right to focus on a practical plan right now.

Any of these ideas appeal and do you have any sympathetic friends who can help?

Sorry yes I have been reading all the replies.

I think many are right in that there's no point hanging onto things to sell, because I just won't make the time, stuff needs to just go. One room at a time.

It's got beyond where I can do it by myself now. He's been throwing stuff in the loft for years. I been up on top of the kitchen cupboards and there's all sorts up there that I didn't realise.

The house we are moving to is slightly bigger and all anyone says is that when we move it will be better. Well it won't if we just fill it all up.

Also good idea about thinking less about what to chuck and more what to keep.

I think right now I'm just so overwhelmed I can't think straight.

Just charity shop it. Just because it's "too good to chuck" doesn't make it any less clutter, does it?

Sounds like the beginnings of a plan!

Good luck

If he has stashed things in a bin bag then put other rubbish in that bin bag and throw it away. That is what bin bags are for.

Seriously, your DH sounds like he has hoarding tendencies. He is attaching an emotional value to things that have no further use. He will not throw things away so you need to get stuff out of the house before he can rescue it. At least sort anything that is yours, your DC's or communal. That way if he gets upset you can say that you haven't touched his stuff. Get a big box and pile all his stuff into it when you come across it. So if you are sorting a drawer anything that is broken or not needed that doesn't belong to him gets thrown or charity shopped and his stuff goes in the box unless the drawer is the correct place for it.

I suspect you will find he has a huge amount of random crap.

Get a bag. Do one room/section at a time and chuck anything you have not used in over a year. Then take the bags(s) directly down to the charity shop that day - get it out of the house!

I am now inspired to tackle the kid's rooms, before we start repainting them.

I am moving from a 2 bed house to a narrowboat. We don't move for another 6-8weeks so are selling things gradually. Got rid of sofa and bed frame last week. Now sitting on cmap chairs and using dining room table. When we move on board we don't intend on having a TV so that is going this weekend. I find doing things slowly helps. As we're down sizing i'll need to look at selling shoes this weekend. Little but often and if not then put into storage for a few weeks.

My advice is to get rid of stuff asap, don't leave it to stack up. If you have a car then take the bags out to it as you fill it and then drive to charity shop/bin to the tip as often as you can. I filled the charity bins in the supermarket carpark all by myself when I decluttered.
Leaving the stuff in the house just meant they were in the way and then the temptation was to put them away out of sight.

The more I think the more I realise what he's like.

We've got an ottoman bed and he's got a big tub of keys underneath the bed. No idea what they're all for and neither has he, but he won't get rid.

No help available unfortunately I will be able to arrange some childcare but not this week. I've used all my cards curing the school holidays.

It sounds like your DH could benefit from a bit of insight about his hoarding habits, there is quite a lot available to read on-line. Trust me, it needs tackling before it becomes more embedded, my mother is a hoarder and it really doesn't get better with time I'm afraid.

It sounds like your DH could benefit from a bit of insight about his hoarding habits, there is quite a lot available to read on-line. Trust me, it needs tackling before it becomes more embedded

Totally agree, slightly

probably need to sort through and sell but have no time to do a car boot any time soon

Lets be honest here. I've got a room full of stuff, also too good to chuck that I'm going to get around to selling. Its not going to happen is it? You're not ever going to find the time to do a boot fare and or the time to photograph for ebay/gumtree/marketplace. Bin bag it and take it to the charity chop, because its not worth the hassle of the pennies you might raise standing in a soggy field at some point, or the agro of printing labels and many trips to the post office. .

Part of your husband's problem is that he doesn't know how to get rid of stuff. The box of keys under the bed is a really good example of this - what exactly do you do with old keys? He doesn't know, so he just hangs onto them rather than having to make a decision.

He needs your help. Tell him he needs to take out any keys that actually unlock locks you still have. Then put the rest of them in the recycling, when he isn't around. All of this needs to happen out of his eyesight. He doesn't really want to keep all that stuff - he just can't cope with disposing of it himself.

As mentioned by a previous poster, you have to read Marie Kondo's book, the Life-Changing Magic of Tidying. She really deals with the mental side of the task of decluttering. Her key bit of advice is to hold each of your possessions and ask yourself: "Does this spark joy?" It really helps you know what to keep and what to throw or donate.
It's a bit like the William Morris quote: "Have nothing in your house that you don't know to be useful or believe to be beautiful."
Your husband sounds totally maddening. I hope you can get him to read it too!

Don't involve your husband- he sounds like a hoarder. Go through room by room, bag it and either bin it or or drop it to a charity right away or see if you have a friend who could do this for you :)

Has your husband been through a major stressful life event? Bereavement is a key one. It's often the trigger for hoarding. My DP is always hanging on to things that might come in handy. They don't and I take them to charity shops or the tip.

Tackle this one drawer, one cupboard, one room at a time. Could you leave dh out of the process and recruit a helper with no opinion to help? Someone like a strong student who holds sacks which you toss stuff into, allocating 'dump' or 'charity' or 'sell'. That person does all the donkey work of carrying and so on and you get to use your head to make decisions.

Possibly a third person for child care. I've used FB or local websites for hiring someone like this and it's great. Pure cash exchange for someone who just does what you ask and expresses no opinion!

Start with one small area and it will begin to happen. Dh sounds unhelpful. He clearly has a problem with ditching crap so without reducing his life to one shoebox you need to take control.

Good luck.