Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think I was just sexually harrassed by polyglot children?

75 replies

BossyBitch · 07/09/2017 06:53

Probably IABU, but this shocked me anyway:

I'm an expat in a non-English speaking country (relevant).

So I'm sitting in a bus on my way to the office the following conversation between two boys, neither of whom looked any older than 11 at most, occurs:

Boy 1 (in local tongue): somethingorother English class today ...
Boy 2 (in English - with a really thick accent): I'm arriving at 9 o'clock!
B1 (also English - even thicker accent): more like 9 o'cock [gestures in a way makes it abundantly clear he knows exactly what this means and stares directly at me]!
B1 & B2: laugh, keep staring, luckily get off at the next stop

I'm not really sure what I find most horrible about this? Two kids clearly making crude remarks at a grown woman (albeit probably under the assumption that I'm local and don't get that sort of English), ESL kids even knowing that sort of English or feeling completely helpless at a situation which would have resulted in any grown man being threatened with instant castration.

So, AIBU or just getting a bit old?

OP posts:

Backingvocals · 07/09/2017 08:54

Of course it's crap. They wouldn't have tried this with a man. This is how we start training kids that it's ok to say what you like to women. Telling off in order.

EternalOptimistToo · 07/09/2017 08:57

The fact that they are pre teen does NOT mean that what they did/say wasn't rude or unacceptable.
I don't think we should ever accept that sort of language and behaviour from teens or pre teens because we are, in effect, telling them it's OK to behave like this. They might well learn not to be so direct as an adult but the thinking will stay.

OP I'm not sure I would use the word sexually harassed, even though I can see how you could see it that way. But it was rude and inappropriate. And yes those children needed to be out back to their place (could you have done that in their language?)

As to how they knew that sort of language in English, the answer is simple. That's the first thing children that age will try and learn (rather than the vocabulary list their teacher will have given them). Talking by experience with my own 12 and 15yo , rude language, insults etc.. are the very first thing that the children teach each other in class.

Talith · 07/09/2017 08:57

Agree that this was not harassment. It was rudeness from children which deserved a public bollocking at best. If you've sat on a bus with teenage school children you'll know girls equally can and do make personal or unkind comments about adults. They are learning and the more decent adults challenge them the nicer society will be. It's not particularly nice to be on the receiving end obv.

TSSDNCOP · 07/09/2017 09:05

They were pushing their luck. If you'd pulled them up they'd have reverted to being caught out children. It's even better if they're wearing school uniform and you threaten to ring the office.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 07/09/2017 09:07

What I'm struggling with in the sexual harassment sense, is if they were making rude comments and were doing signs at OP then yeah, but it sounds like they made rude gestures just to each other which isn't ideal obviously but not the worst deal, then when OP looked at them they looked back?

RaincloudOfDoom · 07/09/2017 09:13

Sounds like young boys doing what young boys do!

Is there a "please shoot me now" emoji?

MentalLentil · 07/09/2017 09:20

At what age are people thinking this behaviour would suddenly stop being 'silly' and start being intimidating /harassment? Why should we tolerate antisocial behaviour from anyone, regardless of age? This thread reeks of 'boys will be boys' as Bertrand pointed out. I would say those kids fall into a critical bracket where they're no longer under constant parental supervision but not yet adults responsible for their own behaviour under the law. Of course they're going to do stupid things, but we absolutely need to challenge them whenever they do. How else would they learn, why else would they ever stop harassing and intimidating women?

Leilaniii · 07/09/2017 09:20

Not sure I believe this thread. Where are you OP? You're obviously not in the Middle East as no expat women get the bus, especially in this heat. And I don't think you're in Asia either. So where are you? I'm dying to know .

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 07/09/2017 09:24

Massive overreaction from you here, OP. You trying to create a problem where there isn't one.

Iris65 · 07/09/2017 09:33

I would definately have told them to stop being so disgusting and rude. They were taking advantage of your nationality.

IfYouHappenToSee · 07/09/2017 09:40

Of course it's crap. They wouldn't have tried this with a man. This is how we start training kids that it's ok to say what you like to women.

Bolding this for those who missed it.

Why are young boys behaving this way towards women in the first place?

Why is the onus on the woman who is upset by it to ignore it?

Allthebestnamesareused · 07/09/2017 09:55

OP - you could have just turned round and said I do speak English you know and you are very rude! They were boys showing off but can be told they are being inappropriate.

Quite likely they would have blushed and mumbled a sorry.

Just because they are not your kids does not mean you can't tell them off.

CoalitionOfChaos · 07/09/2017 09:55

You're surprised 11 years olds know swear words?
I'm surprised you're surprised.
This wasn't harassment, this was 11 year olds behaving like 11 year olds.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 07/09/2017 09:59

*Bolding this for those who missed it.

Why are young boys behaving this way towards women in the first place?

Why is the onus on the woman who is upset by it to ignore it?*

You mean talking between themselves, then looking at a woman who was looking at them? Do children not look at men?

EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 10:03

Hahaha fuck sake what a pathetic moan

plantsitter · 07/09/2017 10:06

People are being weird on this thread. Of course the boys were behaving horribly. Would any of your 11 boys talk to a stranger on a bus like that? What would you do if they did?

OP did you not feel you could tell them off as they are children?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 07/09/2017 10:09

People are being weird on this thread. Of course the boys were behaving horribly. Would any of your 11 boys talk to a stranger on a bus like that? What would you do if they did?

No my 11 yo would not speak to a stranger on a bus like that but neither did the 11y olds in the op. They were speaking TO EACH OTHER! Op decided to get offended after listening to THEIR conversation.

plantsitter · 07/09/2017 10:12

Talking to each other loudly while staring directly at the OP and doing a 'big cock' gesture.

If grown men did that it would be classed as harassment. It would certainly feel like harassment. Those boys needed telling off.

Deploycharitygoats · 07/09/2017 10:20

Of course it's crap. They wouldn't have tried this with a man. This is how we start training kids that it's ok to say what you like to women

This. A million times this.

This is why a group of boys of a similar age (also in non-English speaking country) approached me, DH and DS1 when out walking, spoke respectfully to DH in language of country, then hung back before approaching me (8mo pregnant so I was a bit slower) and telling me in English they wanted to fuck me. They thought they'd get away with it. Because they always had got away with it.

And people wonder where fucking appalling attitudes towards women come from.

viques · 07/09/2017 10:25

Of course here in the UK we only teach our children to be offensive in one language. Heaven forfend we could teach native English speakers to ask for a coffee or directions in another language, let alone make a risqué joke.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 07/09/2017 10:29

I was once asked by some multi-lingual students if I had a punani. They were somewhat surprised (and impressed) when I told them off in a sharp tone for being so rude as they hadn't expected me to know that word (Teenaged Friday nights in watching Goodness Gracious Me paid off ).

It is inappropriate behaviour in public, so challenge it. The difference between a "boy" in the earlier stages of puberty and a man is that the "boy" is much less of a physical threat, and he is less mature and learning. Smuttiness is a normal stage of development, and it's normal that they should be trained to know when it's unacceptable.

Dreamscared · 07/09/2017 10:30

Upper primary school children shouted sexual abuse about me being a sexy bitch they would like to fuck yesterday.
The main ones aunt works in the shop and I will be telling her. She's already said he's a 'little sod' and because they cause chaos locally.

If we let boys just be boys then what are we teaching them when they become adults.

alizondevice · 07/09/2017 10:36

It would certainly be harassment had the two boys acted this way to a girl their own age! I don't buy the whole boys will be boys thing.

Once, on public transport, a pair of young boys were staring at me. It was summer and I was wearing shorts. They evidently hailed from a culture where women didn't show their legs in public. One of the boys actually grabbed my thigh to see if he could get away with it. I said, 'FUCK OFF' and meant it.

The boys were impressed and backed off. If boys of whatever age behave inappropriately toward women and girls, they need to be told they're out of order. No woman or girl should have to put up with this.

brassbrass · 07/09/2017 10:39

Those of us of a certain age are not more likely to be more offended or overreact to silly childish but perfectly normal behaviour

What twattery is this?

No it's NOT normal. I have 2 boys and they have never treated anyone like this nor would they ever!

OP isn't over reacting. What they did was unacceptable from an 11 year old boy or a grown man.

Yes they probably thought they were being hilarious but also clearly oblivious to how offensive and threatening sexualised gestures can be. It's not ok so stop trying to minimise it.

Slimthistime · 07/09/2017 10:43

Bossy "I mean I can't precisely call them misogynist fucking creeps, now, can I? They're kids FFS!"

they use the language, you can say "hey, go fuck yourself - no one else will".

Flip

1 2 3