Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex husband not allowing me contact 13 year old daughter

78 replies

user1499544885 · 06/09/2017 22:25

After a tie with my 13 year old daughter as I found out she had almost been having sex with a boy at school, I agreed with my ex husband she should live with him for a while as her behaviour as become disgusting. This was a week ago, the night after the argument he sent me a text stating that he was st the solicitors enquiringly about getting our contact order in place which I have had for five years where he has 8 overnight stays which he also has my sons 9,10. I was absolutely mortified and felt he had taken advantage of a difficult situation. Since then he has cut off all access for me it's my daughter, I have not seen or heard from her. I told the school of the situation, and today they rang to say he had her taped stating she wants no contact with me. I am absolutely devastated, no words can describe this pain. He threatened to gain access of my sons if I sought legal action. He promised he sort out her behaviour but instead as spoilt her and is promising her puppies etc. I have had a very good relationship with her up to three months ago where the school bad boy got involved with her. I feel she's being bribed by him and she's too vulnerable to see it. To top it off I have an ex mother in law who hated me from day one and has already tried to poison against me. I am so scared I have lost her, I am pulling my hair out with stress.

OP posts:
user1499544885 · 06/09/2017 23:58

Just reading these messages has been a great help! The last year my dad died of cancer, i managed a nightmare sale of my elderly mother's house . We had trouble getting a mortgage and then had another few weeks waiting to get the next one!! We have taken on such financial debt trying to get a house big enough for seven of us. Plus my husband is having tests to rule out vowel cancer . I can now see how this as happened!! Perhaps if things hadn't been so strained I would have handled it differently. Five children's needs in a family is very hard especially when they are step siblings of different ages!! I think she needs space now 😞

OP posts:
EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 00:00

All the best OP. Some shitey replies on here.

user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:04

I told the school as I have asked him repeatedly to leave her alone and he's ignored me and told me to fuck off! I can only monitor it outside of school and as he's in her class I felt they needed to know.

OP posts:
InsomniacAnonymous · 07/09/2017 00:07

"posted inappropriate photos of me on her Snapchat"

What kind of inappropriate photos of you?
When you said he was at the solicitors enquiring "about getting our contact order in place" do you mean getting it cancelled? I find your posts a bit confusing, sorry.

user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:11

I don't mind the shity replies, trouble is people don't know the full story. I am probably to blame as well. My only concern now is whether my ex husband's house is the best place for her, she has to get four buses to and from school a day, be away from her two natural brothers and a few miles from her friends. I had weeks of I hate my dad I don't want to see him, I ignored this as I thought typical teenager but now it's my turn. The ex promised to help all he's done is alienate me from her! I have asked to speak with her every day for over a week and he keeps saying no. He promised disclipine and there been none. Two days after she went there he sent a list of almost everything I have in her bedroom, all my bs y photos of her etc!

OP posts:
EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 00:12

Seems that she is manipulating the situation. Is there absolutely no chance of having a reasonable discussion with the father?

user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:13

Photos of my husband on holidays shirtless ( he's bit chubby) in which she had superimposed penis with me sucking them 😡 Videos of me warning her about getting pregnant which she posted with the caption ' shit I have to listen to from her'

OP posts:
PrincessWonderRabbit · 07/09/2017 00:14

Your original post said sex even sexual stuff is still inappropriate

No, it said 'almost sex'

The op didn't throw her daughter out.

She had her stay with her father to get her away from what sounds like a shitty boyfriend if he's telling the OP to fuck off. 13 is too young for sex. I can't see what the OP has done wrong

EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 00:17

Me neither, princess.

Some just seem to want a Barney Hmm

user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:17

Tried to speak with ex, all I get is scarism, point scoring and abuse. He's enjoying it! I dropped my son at rugby tonight, I told him I thought it best I avoided dropping my son st his house and I would meet him at the grounds. He kept me waiting and said I told you the house, he's a control freak and turned up late laughing, whilst I couldn't stop crying.

OP posts:
user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:23

Sorry I am tired and don't really know this site . We have a court contact order which he actually made up when we divorced. It basically states he has kids 8 overnight stays a month with times set out etc. Ex wanted it changed the next day after the row with my daughter to him having full cars if her.

OP posts:
user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:23

Custody not cars!!

OP posts:
EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 00:24

He's obviously enjoying his bit of power. Is there a mutual friend/family member that both of you trust that could maybe act as a go between?

user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:28

My husband actually! He's a surgeon and very cool natured.

OP posts:
EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 00:30

Your husband maybe a bit close to be a go between imo. Can't see your ex being happy about That, I probably wouldn't be.

Hotheadwheresthecoldbath · 07/09/2017 00:37

Send her a text just saying how you love her.
Then put a cap on her mobile phone,can't believe you haven't already done this is she regularly over spends.
Then wait.Just weekly texts, no questions or recriminations just to keep the door open.

user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:37

My husband seems to think she needs space to realise being with dad will not be easier. It will be different. We have had a lot of attitude from her and she has put a strain as we have younger children to consider too, she swears in front of them. I think it's easy for him to feel this but I still want contact with her. I agreed to a trial living period with my ex not complete alienation from her. He's bullying and a control freak, I thought he would discipline her he hasn't ! I am worried she's been brain washed against me! That's my biggest worry! He never have a gi between as his andmy ex mother in laws opinion is always right !

OP posts:
user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:38

That's the problem! He's changed her number!

OP posts:
EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 00:40

Changed her number? Who's name is the bill under? Could you not sent her a FB message?

user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:41

Reading these messages I don't think there's any real answer. I know what I am going to do. I am going to write her a letter and give it to the school so I know she has it! Then give her space if my ex husband still denies me contact after two weeks I go back to court, she's just a child still and I need to see her 😞

OP posts:
user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:41

He's got a new sim. Not on Facebook, she blocked me on her SNAPCHAT

OP posts:
user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:44

I think my ex is enjoying the power trip and his colours eill doon show! I should know as I has fifteen years of living with him! He's bad tempered, highly strung and a major nest freak ( his mother an interior designer) OMG my daughter is messy as hell 😂 If she happier there I am fine about that but I still want to see her

OP posts:
EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 00:45

A court can't compel a 13 year old to see you, no one can.

I would hold off on court for now, she will likely get bored if you stop feeding her ego. I know it's hard but sometimes you need to let things play out.

Would she generally be a bit of an attention seeker?

user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:46

Thanks for all your messages, it's made me see different sides of this problem. I see a mixed up little girl trying to be adult and failing miserably 😢

OP posts:
user1499544885 · 07/09/2017 00:47

YES 😂 Pretty girl, very popular bubbly etc

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread