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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain to the school.

55 replies

Aaviiii · 06/09/2017 22:07

This my first thread so please be gentle. Little bit of background info, Ds1 started secondary school this week. He has to take lunch money in each day until they sort out the prepaid card. He forgot to take his money today and I realised about an hour after. I went down to the school, spoke to the receptionist and paid the money. I was told the relevant teacher would be informed DS1 would get his lunch. Except he didn't. Should I complain or since it is a new school and I don't want to get a reputation as a difficult parent, should I not say anything.

OP posts:
MmmmDonuts · 06/09/2017 22:08

Was he given no dinner then?

PurpleDaisies · 06/09/2017 22:08

Didn't your son say anything to anyone?

TheColonelAdoresPuffins · 06/09/2017 22:09

Did he tell a member of staff that he had no lunch money?

KingIrving · 06/09/2017 22:10

Don't "complain", just send an email to request money back. So the message goes through without you being a PIA on the second day.

Glumglowworm · 06/09/2017 22:14

It's bad that the message/money wasn't passed on. But why didn't an 11 year old speak up and tell someone that he had no dinner money? Yes, you should email to find out what went wrong and get your money back, but also teach your son who to ask for help if he needs it.

Original poster
Aaviiii · 06/09/2017 22:15

He is very shy, doesn't like causing a fuss. I did ask why he didn't tell the teacher or the office as they would have called me but apparently that would be embarrassing. No he was in school for 6 hrs and had nothing throughout the day.

OP posts:
Welshie21 · 06/09/2017 22:16

Sorry but I'd hit the roof. Left without dinner is just plain wrong, you paid for it he should've got it. I'd complain for sure. While you don't want to feel like a pain, you also don't want to seem like a push over either. The school has messed up and it needs addressing. I know they can't go back in time and give him a meal but they should know something went wrong somewhere and your son went without a meal. Ring the school and ask to speak to someone regarding the matter. Be polite and understanding about it being a busy time of year etc but also let them know a mistake was made and ask what happens with the money you gave in. Don't worry about making waves, you wouldn't want it to happen again.

chitofftheshovel · 06/09/2017 22:16

I honestly think that at that age (presumably he's 12?) it'll have done him no harm to skip one meal. Going a little bit hungry today may well ensure he doesn't forget his dinner money again.

Secondary schools are busy places. There is every possibility that the receptionist e mailed said teacher and they didn't pick up the e mail until after lunch.

So yes ywbu to complain to the school.

chitofftheshovel · 06/09/2017 22:17

Sorry, 11 not 12.

Antigonads · 06/09/2017 22:18

Child misses lunch.

I'm sure you'll remember to give him his lunch money tomorrow.

Borntorunfast · 06/09/2017 22:18

You need to let the school know, which isn't actually complaining: it's pointing out that something went wrong at their end, so they need to know to ensure it doesn't happen again. It's crap that no one realised he'd not eaten, but having been shy myself and also having shy kids, combined with how tough it is in the first few weeks of secondary, I completely understand why he didn't say anything. Poor thing.

C0untDucku1a · 06/09/2017 22:19

Tell your son he needs to get organised or secondary is going to be tough.

Wolfiefan · 06/09/2017 22:19

I used to teach and I'm afraid I have forgotten to give out messages.
New class. So new seating plan. Some can't find you and turn up late. Establish rules and expectations. Hand out books and textbooks. Make sure they know when Hw will be being set. And that they actually should be doing it. Deal with any behavioural issues. Make sure I learn some names that lesson. Check I know who has SEN etc etc. Go through the course for the year. Make a note of who to switch seating plan for next lesson. Oh and teach.
Bugger. Forgot to pass on the message. It's easily done.
You need the money back. But he should have spoken up. Oh and remembered the money in the first place. But then we all forget things. Wink

Butterymuffin · 06/09/2017 22:20

I would say something. Sure, it's not the worst level of suffering, but it's something that should have been avoided. Plus even if the message didn't get through, I wouldn't be impressed with a teacher who denied a child lunch in the first week of school. It's not as if there will be a long record of non payment.

C0untDucku1a · 06/09/2017 22:21

If you gave him breakfast, he had water throughout the day and and he ate after school he will be fine. It is a learning moment for him on the importance of checking he has everything he needs.

CoughLaughFart · 06/09/2017 22:21

I hate this idea that parents must never criticise the school. They're there to do a job and if they don't do it properly, they're open to criticism like anywhere else.

Original poster
Aaviiii · 06/09/2017 22:22

GlumglowormI work in the office of his primary school and he would always just ask for me when ever he wanted something. I think the new environment makes him wary of speaking out. Once he's comfortable hes more confident.

OP posts:
khajiit13 · 06/09/2017 22:23

It's a tough lesson for him to learn but no lunch for a day will do no harm and he needs to learn to speak up when he is at school. It's frustrating that the receptionist couldn't track him down but I wouldn't complain.

C0untDucku1a · 06/09/2017 22:23

Butter i wouldnt be impressed with a teacher who denied a child lunch
??? The boy forgot his lunch money. The receptionist said she would pass a message on. How is this denying a child his lunch?!?!

Aperolspritzer123 · 06/09/2017 22:23

My ds had a similar kind of situation today (2nd day of secondary) he came home and told me her had had no lunch because he was doing some sport trials over lunch and then didn't get time. Initially I was a bit pfb about it and I thought why the hell didn't they explain this to him so he could get something before or whatever. But he survived, didn't seem too bothered about it and came home eating a pot of pasta that he'd bought after school (?). I talked to him about what he should do next time so now he knows.
I think In secondary they leave them to sort things for themselves a lot more whereas in primary I would have been straight on the phone.
Its a lesson learnt for him I suppose just like my ds today. I would just leave it and explain to him that he should say something next time. Hope he wasn't too hungry!

Gaelach · 06/09/2017 22:24

cough their job is to teach.

Expemsiveuniform · 06/09/2017 22:26

He's big school how. He needs to speak up himself. Lesson learned.

Expemsiveuniform · 06/09/2017 22:26

*now

bridgetreilly · 06/09/2017 22:28

I think it's fine to ask for the money back. But I mostly think this is a teaching point for your child: at secondary school he will be expected to take more responsibility for himself and speak up when there are problems. In this case, it's not a huge deal, but there may be other situations where it's more important. Asking a teacher/going to reception are things he needs to be able to do.

C0untDucku1a · 06/09/2017 22:28

Cough it is not the school's job to make sure the secondary school child eats his job. It is his parents job to feed a child prepare him for life. He forgot his lunch money. He will remember it in future because of this. Making him think it is someone elses fault other than his is counter productive.

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