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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain to the school.

55 replies

Aaviiii · 06/09/2017 22:07

This my first thread so please be gentle. Little bit of background info, Ds1 started secondary school this week. He has to take lunch money in each day until they sort out the prepaid card. He forgot to take his money today and I realised about an hour after. I went down to the school, spoke to the receptionist and paid the money. I was told the relevant teacher would be informed DS1 would get his lunch. Except he didn't. Should I complain or since it is a new school and I don't want to get a reputation as a difficult parent, should I not say anything.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/09/2017 22:28

He really needs to get over that embarrassment. At secondary school he will have lots of times he needs to be able to speak up for himself.
And Welshie. Hit the roof? Really? The child forgot the money. No lunch was paid for. The food is paid for at point of sale. If the child didn't go to reception, get the money and take it to the canteen then nothing was paid for.

EyesUnderARock · 06/09/2017 22:29

If he's come from a school where you were available to him whenever he needed something, he's got a tougher learning curve than his peers.
You may have to check the night before that he has everything he needs, until he gets into the habit himself.

CoughLaughFart · 06/09/2017 22:31

cough their job is to teach

Receptionists? Wow, cuts really have got bad.

Allthewaves · 06/09/2017 22:31

Messages get lost. Just email and ask for the money back. Get him to stick snack in his bag in future. Couple bits fruit and cereal bar just incase he forgets again.

CoughLaughFart · 06/09/2017 22:32

Cough it is not the school's job to make sure the secondary school child eats his job.

At my school teachers weren't allowed to let pupils go without lunch.

Chocolatecake12 · 06/09/2017 22:33

In future make sure he takes a snack and an emergency couple of pounds.
Problem solved.

EyesUnderARock · 06/09/2017 22:34

In many ways, receptionists gave a tougher first week than teachers, they have to field everything thrown at them from every angle. In my local secondary, that would be 300 y7 children and parents alone.

Wolfiefan · 06/09/2017 22:36

If he didn't tell anyone he forgot his money how will staff know he went without. They're not mind readers and don't watch each child to ensure they've eaten!

Original poster
Aaviiii · 06/09/2017 22:36

As I've said I work in a school, I know how busy it is. Granted our pupils are a lot younger and I agree I am probably being very pfb. I'm still annoyed though. I'll just send DS1 for the money tomorrow.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/09/2017 22:40

He forgot.
The teacher forgot.
He didn't speak up.
You're still annoyed with the school?
He needs to remember. He needs to learn to speak up.

just5morepeas · 06/09/2017 22:41

I wouldn't complain unless it happens again.

And I'd definitely give him a few pounds and a granola/cereal bar (something that wont go off or melt) to keep in his bag for emergencies.

EyesUnderARock · 06/09/2017 22:48

Work on his life skills for secondary, this is only the first of many future incidents. He'll grow in confidence if he knows what to do.

Original poster
Aaviiii · 06/09/2017 22:54

Wolfiefan Yes I am still annoyed. Due to DS1 forgetting his money, I was late for work because I tried to ensure that my child wouldn't spend the day hungry. DS2 was late for school. When I come I'm find that all my efforts were for nothing. To top it all DS1 was so hungry he begged a cookie from his friend. And before you say but that was food, a cookie does not constitute food.

OP posts:
Luncharmstrong · 06/09/2017 22:54

Please don't complain .

Original poster
Aaviiii · 06/09/2017 22:55

I'm not. I think I've vented it all out now

OP posts:
becotide · 06/09/2017 22:56

This is not a school problem, this is a your son problem. He needs to do this for himself. WOuld you be cross if he hadn't dressed himself properly after PE and nobody had helped him? WOuld you be cross if he got his hands dirty and nobody told him to wash them?

he's 11 and he needs to do this shit himself. I have a 14 and 11 year old and sorting your own lunch out or speaking up is an age appropriate expectation, and I'm surprised that working in a school hasn't made you aware of this.

Babymamamama · 06/09/2017 22:57

I wouldn't complain. You forgot,your son forgot and the someone in the school forgot. No one person is any more at fault than the other. It's time to get organised.

chockwockydoda · 06/09/2017 23:02

My son did this nearly once a month in year 7. He forgot his lunch I would take it in he would forget his lunch I would take it in. One day they couldn't find him to tell him I'd taken in his lunch and he didn't even ask a teacher. He ate his lunch when he got home Yabu you need to give your child space to interact with others otherwise you will end up speaking for him forever.

orangeowls · 06/09/2017 23:05

Aww I've found loads of upset year 7s who haven't got dinner for some reason or another. I can understand why he didn't want to speak up, it's a scary new environment.

I also understand how the teacher forgot to pass on the message, lessons in the first week are generally hectic 🙈

You could mention it to the school but I wouldn't make a massive fuss. At the end of the day they will be expecting him to be more independent and able to speak up to someone if there was an issue.

Wolfiefan · 06/09/2017 23:07

He forgot his money.
He made you late.
He made DC2 late.
He didn't have the gumption to speak up and so only ate a cookie all day.
So be annoyed. At HIM!!

Floralnomad · 06/09/2017 23:16

It's really not worth getting in a tizz about , it's one meal he's not going to die of starvation . In future ensure he keeps some emergency money in his bag / blazer and that he has a small snack with him .

bunningsbunny · 06/09/2017 23:19

ds1 started secondary school last year and occasionally I would forget to top up his card in time or there would be something extra he wanted.

In the end we worked out what a basic lunch and drink would cost in the canteen and allowed a bit extra in case it was needed and we put £3 into his school bag, in the depths, use a bit of masking tape or duct tape to stick it in (he has a bag that has a front pocket with little pockets for pens and cards and whatnots, so it's stuck into a pocket in there). Means it doesn't jingle around for others to hear and know there's money in his bag and it's not to fritter away on bits and bobs (the lure of a stationery shop in school!) but it is accessible easily enough if he does need it.

he's probably only used it a couple of times and one of those was when he asked me for some money for a charity thing they were doing in school when we were in the car and I didn't have any change to hand - was great to say use your emergency money and we'll put it back tonight, and not have to worry about getting money to him later or making ourselves late or him missing out.

And whilst I wouldn't be happy if he lost the money or it got stolen, £3 isn't the end of the world (I know I'm fortunate to be able to say this, that that's not the case for everyone). Luckily it hasn't been - and the incentive of saying he can keep the £3 at the end of the year if it hasn't been spent has helped.

I do expect him to tell me when he's spent it so it can be replaced and if something changed so that it needed replacing every week or two then that would be very different. But so far, so good. Will be doing the same this year too.

Original poster
Aaviiii · 06/09/2017 23:34

Thank you bunningsbunny I think I will do that. Thank you all for your help.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 06/09/2017 23:39

You should've text your child the info about the money

You should from now in give him an emergency fund (I've always done this in juniours invade of bake sales or tombola etc

I would also teach him about helping friends out and then reciprocation in future

Wats and means

Crumbs1 · 06/09/2017 23:40

It is his responsibility and he won't be harmed by being hungry. A cookie won't do him any harm either - and by definition it is food.
Give him a few pounds in his pocket or his lunch money at the beginning of the week.

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