To take the bread knife to my stupid, unreasonable, counting uterus?

[MOIST]

Stupid fucker has shocking timekeeping. Should have swung into action a week ago. But oh no. Bastard thing waits until now. 36 hours before a holiday and my biannual intercouse slot.
Why? Why would it do that. Stupid fucking cunting bitch.
I have had Enough. 30 bastard years of paining and now this. It really is intolerable.

I was suffering with javelin arse/fanny daggers this morning. Did a huge period poo but it didn't ease so I tried buscopan cramps tablets - marvellous stuff! Two of those and two solpadeine Max tablets sorted me out.

I once got javelin arse at work during a very important meeting. It was vastly unpleasant.

It's the change in hormones that gives you the runs.

The Javelin arse thing actually makes me jump and takes your breath away sometimes - not helpful when at work !

I had all my hopes pinned on a coil to banish all PMT symptoms and the dreaded monthly lady garden flooding - alas it's a piece of shite and all it does is give me spots prick the end of my OH's winkle. Strings are too long but I haven't got round to going back to have them trimmed 😳

Don't know if anyone has mentioned it, but my hideous, extended and heavy periods have been much improved by taking 3 ibuprofen every six hours during my period. It has made them two days shorter and a lot lighter.

OP YADNBU. You have my utmost sympathy. I also have insomniac teenagers.

I have just got back from holiday where our bedroom was at the opposite side of the very large apartment. I had plans.

I was taking Cerelle, started flooding at the airport. Dealt with flooding and carried on. On holiday it continued, one morning after waking up in a murder scene I stopped taking the pill that was causing the flooding.

Big mistake. Huge. For the next few days I was going through super plus tampons in less than 30 minutes. On one memorable occasion, I changed it, left the loos, felt the gush of doom and had to change it again. 4 minutes. Thank you Kennedy Space Centre for your free tampons and maxi pads or I couldn't have lasted the day.

Check your bathroom cupboards, medicine cabinets, purse, handbag etc. I thought I had some Norethisterone in my purse but the pack was empty.

I know some people happily have sex on their period but a) DH won't go near me and b) clots the size of your fist aren't very arousing.

I hope you can sort something.

I'm pretty sure javelin arse is your pubic or back passage muscles spasming. It's like daggers, or some kind of spear (hence javelin term!) stabbing you up the bumhole. Very unpleasant.

Thanks alone for using the words 'javelin arse'

My sister and I always called this 'bum daggers'.

Biannual intercourse? That's a ridiculous amount of sex verging on harassment. LTB.