This isn't cruel?

[fuckingroundabout]

According to my grandmother I am cruel and this distresses her.

Dd will be 3 in November, bed time she gets a story, kisses cuddles and tucked in and then left. She gets returned to bed every time she gets out with a further cuddle but no talking or story and don't stay with her. If she properly cries I leave her 3-5 minutes check on her for any problens and leave her.

Is this really that bad? I am a single mum with an 11 month old too, I can't do the whole staying with her until she falls asleep thing and besides she would never sleep if I do..

It's fine, if it's working for you. Sometimes babies and children cry because they are tired, and endless unnecessary fussing makes it worse.

We had to do similar with DD1 when she was a toddler- we did what a previous poster suggested, and have a repeated phrase about it being sleep time which was all we'd say to her . Might be worth trying to see if the sound of your voice, even just telling her the same thing each time, helps to settle her? You might eventually be able to move onto just saying the bedtime phrase from outside the room in order to settle her.

Abuse - well that's bollocks. Perfectly sensible approach. You'll be up all night bouncing between their bedrooms if you don't get them to fall asleep on their own.

Single mother with three year old and 11 month old is deemed abuser for only putting her child to bed with cuddles and bedtime story.

Cool story dude!

I'd do the same as you.

It's not abuse as someone mentioned. You're not ignoring her, just not giving her much to encourage her to continue making a fuss. You can tell the difference between proper distress and attention crying!
I did exactly that with my now 12 year old and 7 year old. Both fall asleep and stay asleep easily and happily which improves their mood- and mine. We have a great, living, close relationship.

Not cruel at all! My dd would not sleep if I stayed with her so I do leave her to moan or cry herself to sleep sometimes! If I stayed in the room she's still cry but would probably take well over an hour and involve a lot of screaming. Every child is different.

Squoosh- v v funny. OP totally doing the right thing, goodnight, cuddle, reassure and retreat, going back in if you know she's upset rather than spinning bedtime out and that is the key to me here, you know your child inside out and granny doesn't in such minute detail. Major life skill to be able to go to bed on your own and drift off into sleep, well done, keep at it.

To clarify I meant squoosh' keyboard quip not other post

I did it with my 3, they turned out just fine! Keep going and she'll get there

My god, there's always some judgey twat who drops the word "abuse" at anything.

She's 3 and she needs to learn.

How is it abuse nutty? What a fucking ridiculous statement.

Children need to learn to settle themselves. This method is absolutely fine and the phase will no doubt pass.

Hang in there OP and ignore twatty trolls.

Sounds ok to me. Your DD is not a very young baby who feels abandoned if left. Your DD at 3 must know the score and will eventually respond. Incidentally, your approach was recommended years ago by Penelope Leach she said to be boring as possible when responding to a child's night time cries not to engage or stimulate, offer comfort by rubbing back if necessary, changing etc if a baby, but not entertaining.
Probably, once winter comes and it's dark at bedtime, your DD will go off to sleep much quicker.
Only one of you and you mustn't spread yourself too thin or you won't cope.
Good luck

You are absolutely doing the right thing. It's exactly the way to deal with a child at night and would be advised by a child psychologist dealing with bedtime issues. Congratulate yourself, you are doing a brilliant job.

I think you're being entirely sensible in that you're checking she's okay, but leaving each check a little longer. It sounds as though she's going through a stage of this; if you're worried, you could have a word with your HV or GP.

Personally, I'd tell your grandmother that you'd rather she was a little more supportive of the decisions you make about raising your own child; failing that, she could consider saving her opinions with an audience which may appreciate them a little more ...

Oh my!! I had a similar thing (but more bizarre) with DH's relatives who live abroad, they couldn't believe that our 11 year old daughter sleeps in her own bedroom and has done since she was 6 months old. According to them she should be in our bed as it's too traumatising for her to sleep alone . Should have seen their faces when I told them how I trained her to sleep in her room, they'd looked at me as if I was an alien with three heads . Conversation came up when I was shocked at relatives 8 year old DD was sleeping in mums bed and wouldn't go to sleep without mum actually being in bed.

From tiny babies they had bath/book/bed and I put them to bed awake. If that makes me a bad parent - I'm fine with that, they never had sleeping problems or anxieties of us leaving the room at bedtime.