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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu for cracking upwith toddler and food?

70 replies

SamoyedSam · 06/09/2017 19:15

If your toddler doesn't like a particular meal (cue arm flailing and tears) do you make them a completely different one to get them to eat, and bin the previous? Getting a bit sick of chucking stuff in the bin

What if it is a meal they have eaten before happily?

How often can you tell yourself that maybe they are just not hungry, especially if they haven't eaten anything much all day? Or should you cave and give them fucking porridge and a yoghurt something that you know they will eat?

OP posts:

MirrorTable · 06/09/2017 21:54

Nope. We all sit down as a family and eat the same meal, if you don't want to eat it, no problems.

We have the odd 'I don't want that' melt down and I say that's fine, but we're going to eat ours. We eat ours normally (no interaction with the rebellion, no exaggerated 'mmm, this is delicious' talk) and he always joins us at the table and at least tries some.

DS is only two so the options are simple. Eat the food or don't eat the food. He knows the options and is happy with them.

londonrach · 06/09/2017 21:54

Hv told me to not think abOut what they eat in a day but what they eat in a week. Some days my daughter very into veg, some days its cheese, same days its all and same days no interest. I just throw the food away get her down and tell her to play.

InDubiousBattle · 06/09/2017 21:56

Spinach, broccoli, noodles and cheese pureed with milk.....sounds......interesting?!

Seriously op, in your own words chill the fuck out. Just give him whatever you're having and try not to burst if he flings it on the floor! Both of mine were weaned on pretty ordinary food, Shepherds pie, fish pie, pizza, the odd fish finger. They can both still be picky buggers(2 and 3.9) but throwing food away and making alternatives? Not a chance! I'm not a short order cook. I make them nice food and they decide if they're going to eat it, if not I just take it away and they might have a piece of bread before bed. No cajoling, no bribery, no fuss if they don't eat it. My sister chose food to exert her will with her dc and it was a nightmare. She still does it with mine every now and then, '5 more mouthfuls and you can have some pudding' nonsense.

RiversrunWoodville · 06/09/2017 22:00

pacific your ds has a female doppelgänger in my house dd2 on the other hand eats just about everything

MirrorTable · 06/09/2017 22:02

That meal sounds gross!

I make a point of only serving my child food I would actually eat myself. We now all eat the same meal at the same time but when DS was younger I'd just portion off a bit of what we had in the evening and give it to him the next day.

Original poster

SamoyedSam · 06/09/2017 22:06

mirror I know, in reflection, it really does!!

OP posts:

Original poster

SamoyedSam · 06/09/2017 22:10

DP has just come home (note: he is out 2 times out of 5 weekdays, so I have to do the food thing! But I am as well, so he has to 2 out of 5)

I made him read your comments; we both agree that we are doing the following things wrong/wanting to make the following changes:

No purees
Real food
Self fed
Meals being FUN...ie, not fed by 2 parents as 1parent rushes out...time taken for a meal on all 3 folk.

Have I got the right resolutions?

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 06/09/2017 22:13

And chill!! Seriously. If there is no green leafy veg eaten each day he won't die of scurvy. Experiment with food. Enjoy it.
Great tip. My kids love watermelon. I didn't introduce it. I curled up on the sofa with a bloody great bowl and said it was MINE!!!!!!! Funnily enough they ate that!!

InDubiousBattle · 06/09/2017 22:14

Sound great op, although we only rarely sit down together for a meal so the kids eat evening meals on their own . I do jobs in the kitchen whilst they eat!

Camomila · 06/09/2017 22:18

They sound like good resolutions and manageable if you put your mind to it. My toddler is just shy of 17 months and manages all of the above (though I will help him a bit with his cutlery if he is tired and wants me to feed him)

If DS doesn't eat something I assume he's tired/not hungry and just take it away or save it for later. There's usually fruit for pudding anyway plus he still has milk. If it's a meal that I know he doesn't particularly like I give him fruit and yoghurt after as it's more filling than just fruit.

NellyNouNou · 06/09/2017 22:24

Just give DC a daily multivitamin and relax. That way they are getting their nutrients and you can chill about veg. Takes the pressure off and you can be nonchalant about whether they eat what you provide. Trust me, the battle will only get worse otherwise.

We'd all like our kids to eat more veg, but it rarely goes the way we plan. It all changes as they get older too.

Goodasgoldilox · 06/09/2017 22:37

Purees make good pasta sauce - or good dips for 'fingers' of veg/toast/wraps/pitta etc.

Things about toddlers that make them hard to feed:
-the natural stress/worry of parents
-concern about new taste/texture
-natural contrariness - desire not to eat anything given/suggested

Things about toddlers that make them easy to feed:
-hunger

strong desire to eat what is on other people's plates/ what they shouldn't have until later

-sense of humour.

Original poster

SamoyedSam · 07/09/2017 04:11

I realise another thing I'm doing totally wrong: lack of routine around the timing of meals. DP and I are rubbish in the sense that we eat when we are hungry rather than at set mealtimes. And we keep weird hours. So an average day for the adults involves breakfast at between 9am-11am, "lunch" at between 3pm-5pm and dinner at 9pm-11pm. But with tot, we feed him breakfast at 10am (which is fine as he gets up at 9.30am...late sleeper at both ends!!) BUT then try to slot in lunch and diner when we think he is hungry rather than sitting him down with us to eat together. I think changing that so we eat at fixed/unchanged times, and eat together with him (whoever is around) is half the battle. It'll mean I'm not cooking him separate disgusting pureed crap food too!

OP posts:

RefuseTheLies · 07/09/2017 04:32

At my DD's nursery she is offered a choice between two lunch options, so she gets to pick her own meal. I thought this was fucking batshit insane, but it actually works.

She's 2 now and I do the same at home, so will say 'do you want pasta for dinner or a baked potato for dinner?' and then cook her preference. She eats pretty well because I think it gives her some control and we all know how much toddlers love control!

MissBabbs · 07/09/2017 04:38

If he is eating fruit I wouldn't worry too much about the veg. Bits of carrot cucumber potato are enough imv, then when he is older and eating with you he will copy what you are eating (vegetables).

AuntieVenom · 07/09/2017 05:55

My DC is 2 and I've been determined not to replicate my food issues. So I have a rule that he eats 1 mouthful and then if he leaves it that's fine. I used to worry about him getting up from the table and not eating enough but read somewhere that it's better to let him get up & run around and then come back to eat. Since I've relaxed about getting up & sitting down I've found he eats more and meals aren't a battle.

Purdyandwheezy · 07/09/2017 06:24

I sometimes let DS have pasta with an Ella's pouch stirred through. It's my go to lazy tea for him and win win. He gets his favourite which is pasta and I know he's had some veg and is going to bed full. I save the new stuff, or stuff he doesn't particularly like for lunches so if he doesn't eat it I know he can just have a snack in the afternoon instead.

Susierocks · 07/09/2017 06:27

I have an 18 month old and my rules are pretty similar to what everyone says here.

NO PUREES! He may be eating a plate of pureed spinach but doesn't mean he will eat whole spinach and he will eventually have to move on. It's so much better for children to get a whole sensory experience of food rather than having it all pureed up and forced in. Also they are becoming so independent at that age that he will not allow you to feed him for much longer.
Don't stress or make it a battle. If he eats it great, if not, just calmly take it away and don't offer anything else.
Offer healthy pudding at the same time as the main meal. Yoghurt (plain or something low sugar like Little Yeo) are fine and good for him so don't use them as a treat. If my ds wants it first I think that's fine as its all part of the meal and often it will then spur him on to eat his main.
If he's not eating much at meals cut down on snacks or just offer fruit or veg sticks.
Try foods again and again even if you think he won't like it. My ds is only just eating broccoli despite me trying to give it to him from 6 months.

I hope you both find mealtimes less stressful and your changes go well!

JoandMax · 07/09/2017 06:35

Pacific - laughed at your post. I've just made strawberry purée ice lollys for my 7.5 year old, he'll eat them happily but the sight of an actual strawberry on his plate is the end of the world.........

OP - you've made some great plans, stick to them! It's hard but food battles only ever stress everyone out. Relax and most kids will get their in their own time.

Spanneroo · 07/09/2017 07:28

Some great advice here. Just wanted to add that we found that DD would try anything if we told her it would be "a bit tricky to eat" ~because we'd cut it up into rice-sized pieces and give her a fork to eat it with~ it worked a charm!

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