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Original poster

DD dad wants to take her away in term time

72 replies

Lavendarlilac · 06/09/2017 16:29

Name changer with three children.
My DD's dad has texted to say he wants to take her away for a week (abroad) in term-time and asked if I'd pay the fine.
I'm completely against this, even though I haven't been able to take DD and others away on holiday anywhere this year. She hasn't been abroad since she was 2. She is now 7 and would love to go (I haven't told her).
I've told him why I can't agree. He thinks nothing of it. He said he will tell her exactly why she isn't going if I don't let her.
He's never taken her away with him before apart from a couple of nights away at lodges/caravan here and there, but now seems keen.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 06/09/2017 17:01

Aeviternity That really made me laugh Grin

Is he the father of all your DC? If so why is he only taking DD?

At seven DD is old enough to understand that she is supposed to be in school and that you cannot afford to pay the fine. Bloody cockwomble.

timeisnotaline · 06/09/2017 17:02

To reiterate, I would only let your dd out the door if he has paid you the fine in advance. It's part of the cost of the holiday he is planning.

PovertyPain · 06/09/2017 17:04

What happens if you want to take her out at a later stage, to a wedding, funeral, etc? Will the fine be bigger, because it wouldn't be the first absence? Is the fine for one episode' eg a week, or per day? There's no way I'd be paying a fine. Just tell your child that you can't afford it and she's just going to have to learn that daddy has made a mistake thinking he can go out of school, just for a holiday. He's a prick.

2014newme · 06/09/2017 17:06

If he pays the fine then yes let her go.

GoldenOrb · 06/09/2017 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhooooAmI24601 · 06/09/2017 17:08

He's U asking you to pay the fine but the rest I think I'd be ok with. DS1's Dad took him out for a week's holiday last year (DS1 was in Y6) as his local holidays fell differently to DS1's holidays. School granted the request as an exception.

The only issue was that the school would only accept a holiday request from the resident parent. Which meant if there'd been a fine, I would have been landed with it. I did state to Ex beforehand that if there was a fine he would be paying it and he was grand with it. It's worth bearing in mind that if you're making the holiday request the fine is going to come addressed to you regardless of which parent takes the holiday.

megletthesecond · 06/09/2017 17:11

I wouldn't let him take her in term time. Full stop.

I saw this happen to a friend. But I'm not sure how the fine panned out in the end.

Rollercoaster1920 · 06/09/2017 17:12

Would you get a fine? I thought that was a step up from 'unauthorized absence', so I'd be surprised if the school took that step for a previously good record family. Or is our school an exception?

Of course you might get a fine anyway in which case he should pay all / both.
I don't think taking a 7 year old away for a week is a big issue personally, but recognise that opinions differ.

SonicBoomBoom · 06/09/2017 17:19

Why on earth would he expect you to pay his fine? Arse.

ButchyRestingFace · 06/09/2017 17:20

and asked if I'd pay the fine

And to think you let him get away... Sad

MycatsaPirate · 06/09/2017 17:26

No. I wouldn't let her go and not because of the fine.

Firstly I think that term time holidays are a no-no unless in exceptional circumstances. Just because she hasn't been abroad for five years does not make it an exceptional case. Where has he been over the last 6 weeks while they have been off school? Could he not have taken them away for a holiday then?

And grossly unfair on the other two dc who will miss out on a holiday as well.

Holidays are a luxury. Education is essential. If your dc does go and then gets ill and attendance drops below a certain level, it will be you getting a hard time.

I also think that missing even one day at school causes problems not only for the teacher (who has to make sure the missing child picks up on lost information) but for the whole class. It's disruptive and takes away time which should be given to the entire class making sure that one child has caught up on a weeks work. Fine if they have been ill but not for going on a holiday.

sonjadog · 06/09/2017 17:35

I´d let her go, but he has to pay the fine.

Glumglowworm · 06/09/2017 17:39

I'm not a fan of term time holidays, but whether you decide to let him take her or not, he needs to pay the fine, whether it's given to you, him, or both of you. His choice of holiday, he pays all the associated costs including fines.

Hulababy · 06/09/2017 17:40

I don't really have a big issue wth young children missing a few days of school.

However, he is BU to expect you to pay the fine. He wants the term time holiday, he pays the fine.

In our LEA it is £60 per week per parent. Fine kicks in on day 5 here. However, in the case of single or separated parents the school informs the LEA of this and only the parent taking the holiday is fined.

FrankyStein · 06/09/2017 17:49

It's not given that you'll get a fine you know. I take my kids out for one week a year for a holiday. I always advise the school in writing and the reason why. I've never had a fine. I received an official letter warning me I mustn't do it again for 12 months last time or I'd risk a fine but even then, the head teacher called me first to apologise for the letter and to tell me it was just an automatically generated one

So the focus should be more on WHY he wants this now

differentlife · 06/09/2017 18:20

Why now?
Has he got a new girlfriend that he's trying impress?

Leeds2 · 06/09/2017 18:27

I wouldn't let my child miss a week of school, so I would say "no" and explain to DD why I had said no if necessary.
If you are minded to agree to it, I would do so as long as her father handed over your half of the fine before they left.
I presume you would have to fill in a request for absence, so would it be possible to ask the school not to give permission? So you can tell DD that that is why she isn't going.

MimsyBorogroves · 06/09/2017 18:35

Wouldn't let mine miss a week of school and certainly wouldn't be paying the fine!

Original poster
Lavendarlilac · 06/09/2017 19:08

He's only father to DD.
DS has been lucky enough to go on three getaways with his dad this year, two camping trips and a week in Spain (not that it matters where they went). So it would be really nice for DD to get away with her dad, since I haven't been able to take her anywhere myself.
The ex couldn't care less about her schooling, in fact he's never seen the inside of her school or ever picked her up after school. He didn't know anything about the fines you can get during term time until I told him, when he had a day off the other month and wanted me to go and take her out of school for the day.
I know the fines are per parent, as I got one earlier this year when DD had a week off for chicken pox...! He will be expecting me to pay his share as I had to last time ('I pay you maintenance' was his excuse).
He's only been in her life the last few years and has given her 'I'm taking you to Disneyland/Lapland' twaddle before but nothing came off it (he said this to her directly, not me), but she thinks the sun shines out of his arse.
I've only gone on away during the holidays on principle before, but am swaying towards letting him take her.

OP posts:
yellowsun · 06/09/2017 19:11

I would speak to the school about this. We had a similar case where the father was fined directly but the mother wasn't because she hadn't consented.

We have also spoken directly to the other parent in another similar circumstance.

Original poster
Lavendarlilac · 06/09/2017 19:14

Just realised how awful it sounds that my eldest has been on a few holidays but DD hasn't. He went during the time he would have spent at his dad's anyway, and hasn't made a big deal of it in front of DD.
DS has shared contact with his dad whereas DD sees her father overnight once a week.
I also have a baby DS

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 06/09/2017 19:15

I'd let her go esp with ds going away with his dad but your not paying the fine

PlaymobilPirate · 06/09/2017 19:17

He should pay and do the paperwork / meet with the head about it. I'd send a note to the school office as a heads up 'ex is planning on taking dd out of school. I'm supportive of their time together but won't be involved. Please could letters / fines / meetings be addressed to ex'

Ttbb · 06/09/2017 19:20

That kind of thing constitutes emotional abuse these days. Have a google.

PerfectlyPooPoo · 06/09/2017 19:23

Why are some boroughs fining and not others? I'm in London and can find nothing about fines for our LEA.

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