to consider a second DC?

[Schwanengesang]

Am I mad to want a second child?

DS is 10mo and has slept more than 45 min at a time only a handful of times. He is huge and cluster feeds for about 7 hours every night (or screams blue murder if I refuse). My back is killing me (pulled muscles from holding him, won't heal). I have chronic subacute mastitis. I feel like death warmed up. I am so unbelievably tired I want to die sometimes.

But DS is such an unutterably gorgeous little smushy-faced cheeky-smiled cherub and I love him to bits. And weirdly somehow I want another one.

Quite apart from the question of how I would get pregnant when I am breastfeeding this frequently (from both a fertility and a logistical point of view), am I mad to consider another ehen I am this tired?

I don't think you're mad but I too have a huge baby and had to move on to formula. She has always slept well though anyway and sleeps through. Now my periods are back and she's so good I'm considering working towards DC2 but I want to return to work for a bit first and get skinny if you're coping well then go for it but I don't know how it works with breastfeeding etc as I didn't/couldn't do that.

You're not mad to want another one (hormones are what they are!) but in your shoes I'd sleep train before TTC. Is he eating much food?

The threshold for ovulation is typically feeding every 6 hours or less often. I am nowhere near that at the moment so would have to consider formula to try to solve the cluster feeding (nothing else has worked and I was going to just roll with it, but now feeling broody...)

Is he not on solids at 10 months?

Are you me OP? Everything apart from the mastitis (ouch!) is the same!

I do want another but am putting it on hold for a while I'm mad but not completely mad

Yeah. Sleep training hasn't worked. I left dummy introduction too late so sleep associations are basically all wrong if training is going to be anything other than CIO, which I absolutely refuse to do. DS has a will of iron.

He eats a lot. He is not mobile yet, hoping that might happen soon but no sign of any interest whatsoever in anything like crawling or bum shuffling. It might improve the sleep (after the initial phase where they practice in their sleep)

Yes, on solids, the couster feeding is about comfort rather than hunger. He has silent reflux, is on omeprazole, but it doesn't help that much...

Is it cluster feeding at night? In order to knock comfort sucking on the head I had my dh do three nights in a row (offering expressed milk) I slept downstairs. So bf could continue but we broke the comfort all night chain. It might be worth a go? It'd save having to get all the formula faff when you're close to veing able to introduce other (non formula) milks as supplement to bf/ diet.

Not every child wants or takes a dummy, so you're hardly at fault! It sounds as though you've had some unhelpful advice pushing all the blame and responsibility onto you. An adult who isn't associated with milk but who is calming and "safe" can really help with teaching them that sleep isn't scary.

tried everything except crying-alone type sleep training. Nothing has worked. The thought that this might not ever improve does makeme hesitate re a second DC. Second couldn't be much worse a sleeper than DS, but what if DS never improves or DC2 is as bad????

Should he be feeding for 7 hours a night at 10 months?

Sorry posted too soon. I think id have to try and break that habit very soon, you must be on your knees with exhaustion. He doesn't need to feed all night long.

Sometimes it's worth revisiting previous methods. They're changing all the time.

Well, speaking as someone who was already three months pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was 10 months old, I'd be a bit hypocritical if I said no. Can't advise on the feeding sorry, but good luck whatever you decide.

Sorry to hear he has reflux, that makes sleep training very difficult. Since he still has it, I wonder if that might mean allergy to something - have you been down that path?

TBH I wouldn't want a 19 month age gap even with good sleepers so I would wait a bit for number 2 (unless you are 38+). 2.8yr gap or over is a lot easier...

You need to sort out DC1's sleep before TTC no.2. Imagine 1st trimester tiredness at the same time as your current situation!

I know you don't want to do CIO but it may be worth getting a sleep consultant in, or alternatively try the MN sleep boards, someone may have some helpful advice.

Speaking as someone who had a terrible sleeper (severe reflux) first time around (and actually the second was better but still wakes every night aged 3 years) I would wait a bit.

I got pregnant with DS2 just before DS1 turned 2. He was still waking 8 times a night and it was a total killer. I ended up co-sleeping with him because I was sick everytime I had to get up to him.

Then pregnancy insomnia kicked in which somehow DS1 picked up. So we'd lie awake for 3-4 hours a night and you can imagine what effect that had on his daytime behaviour!

I was also so sick with my second pregnancy that I honestly feel like I missed out on 9 months of DS1's life. Yes I was there for him at night (too much!) but during the day I was either at work or lying down whilst DH took DS1 out.

Your DS sounds gorgeous. Spend a bit more time with just him and make the most of him whilst he's little. There's plenty of time for another baby later.

My boys have a 2year 7 month gap and it's brilliant. They play together all the time and really encourage each other/look out for each other.

No advice on whether you should have another but my cousin became pregnant when her ebf daughter was 2 months old so fertility might not be an issue.

I am in exactly the same position as you except my daughter sleeps better than you describe your son to do (still breastfeeds in the night though)

Took a long time plus a mc before we conceived her so I am keen to start trying but my periods haven't started so don't think I'm ovulating yet! Considered stopping breastfeeding but neither she or I are ready for that yet either so we will probably just continue no contraception for a bit in the desperate hope she cuts down her breastfeeds and starts sleeping through soon.

Op, my Ds is 8 months and a pretty good.sleeper. he doesn't sleep through but only.wakes.for a quick.feed once a night and sleeps 7-7ish. He also has two very good naps during the day (morning nap we both sleep.for two hours). I'm on my knees exhausted and this is with a good sleeper.

It does sound like the feeding is reflux related. That's really really tough on you. I have no suggestions I'm afraid but I'd be inclined to work towards improving sleep first

I have a DS almost 7 months, BF, reflux & CMPA. This boy has almost killed me

Woke every 2 hours, then an hour to settle, so averaging 3 (broken) hours sleep a night. I too feel like death regularly, & could never contemplate having another DC whilst DS is like this. It wouldn't be fair on me, my body, my DS & probably my mental health

My DS has improved with weaning & in the fact he can now self settle. After my consultations appointment where she felt the frequent waking wasnt reflux related (now med controlled) but were now habits.

It's not easy but I used the shush pat method, he cried but was never left alone, he knew I was there.
Have you had a review of the omperazole as it is weight related? Although not as sensitive as ranitidine.

If you're cosleeping I'd consider putting him in a cot, as he may be smelling your milk.

I have a huge baby who fed all the time and didn't get my periods back until I had completely stopped feeding him at 14 months. I then got pregnant the following month. I actually waited until he had self weaned which I didn't feel would be possible at 7 months but once he was eating solids well he soon wanted to give up the milk. Why the rush to get pregnant? Maybe wait a few months until your baby is weaned?

Oh and with my first ds it took 14 months to conceive so I was expecting the same!

I know everyone is different and when broody kicks in, it's rarely logical.... But what's the rush?

I had thought we'd have 18-24m age gap, but for various reasons, ended up with 4.5y and then 3y between children (3rd due in a few weeks) pregnancy definitely feels harder when you already have a child, but the nausea/exhaustion/pelvic pain is so much easier when you get a full night's sleep, potty training is out the way and you're not doing so much lifting. I worried that the kids would be less close with a bigger age gap, but that doesn't seem to be the case, if anything there seems to be less jealousy/ competition for time and attention than some of my friends' kids who are closer. I also feel like I've been able to enjoy each child without their baby/toddler stages just being an exhausting blur.

I know there will be people who much prefer close age gaps, but just wanted to give the other side of it. You may just benefit from a bit of time feeling entirely yourself again, rather than going straight from feeding and cosleeping to "trying for a baby" without any time for yourself and your relationship in between. It will get easier