Please someone help me help him sleep. I'm losing it!

[WomanEmpire]

If you are going to be nasty, please don't as I honestly can't take it.
Dc2 is 10 months he hasn't slept longer than 2 hours a night since birth and that is rare. He has been up for the last 2 months every half hour.
Partner works full time. Have a 4 year old too. I have been into the GP about 3 times now, first time given antidepressants and told to leave him to cry. I didn't. I tried other techniques, nothing. Told to do controlled crying again, I didn't. 3rd time I've been doing it for 9 days and there is no improvement. I'm besides myself. He screams and screams and screams. He is up all the time. He is not hungry, he apparently doesn't have reflux, fuck all is working.
I am so tired that I cry a lot at the moment. Partner has tried taking over nights but he's shit at reacting before I'm awake fully and tbh the baby doesn't settle for him.
Poor 4 year old barely can sleep because of the constant crying and I'm due to start my deferred year of uni so soon and I'm going to have to say no because honestly I don't know how the fuck I am going to cope with the workload when I can barely even make a cup of tea at the moment.

Completely agree with white noise suggestion. It was a godsend for us. You can get phone apps which do it - it used to send our ds to sleep in seconds.

Oh, and sod the 'over anxious mother' malarkey. Just get your child sorted.

We were fobbed off for ages because (I think) my wife would take the baby in and both looked presentable (clean and smart etc - ie not beside yourself with desperation), we're reasonably well off, baby was hitting milestones, weight was ok (because we had developed coping mechanisms), baby had a cleft in the soft palate so they tried blaming that etc.

It was only we stamped our feet and, sad to say, when I got involved (I was still working early on, now am the stay at home parent) that we got somewhere.

Stamp your feet and explain how bad it is.

OP - I know from owl experience that this is really serious. Do not underestimate the impact this is having on your health. You need help, from family, partner.

Ppl underplay how desperate continued lack of sleep can make you.

Talk to you partner and tell him you are reaching desperation. And then I would go & stay elsewhere for 3 nights away from dc. You will be much better able to cope & dc will be fine.

Good luck

I I'd also recommend cranial osteopathy. I also had a non sleeper and it really worked for him x

Sounds like my daughter who had cows milk protein intolerance and silent reflux. Gp made me feel like an over anxious first time mum who didn't know what I was doing. I seriously thought I was cracking up but I knew something must be wrong, she was in so much pain. Finally after MANY Gp appointments I demanded to see a paediatrician and he put her on Aptamil Pepsi formula. It took maybe a week or two to properly settle down but made a massive difference. I used to keep her upright as much as humanly possible in a sling and had her cot tilted.

Could he possibly have a tongue tie? I didn't know at the time but apparently dd has a slight tongue tie so when they suck milk they often suck down lots of air making them really uncomfortable. Just made me wonder with it getting worse once u stopped breastfeeding.

milkmatters.org.uk/2011/04/15/hidden-cause-feeding-problems/

This website is really useful.

Hope things improve x

Can you afford to get a sleep nanny? My first woke every 1.5 hours for 7 months. It was hideous. I was hallucinating with tiredness. Got a sleep nanny in. Best £350 I ever spent.

It's impossible for anyone on here to know if there's an underlying problem (e.g. Reflux) or if it's just a behavioural thing. I had two like this. I sleep trained them at 10 months (DD) and 13 months (DS) by going out of the room for 1 minute, then 2 minutes, 3 minutes etc. Followed a book by someone called Dr Ferber. I realise you've tried it and it's not for everyone but I was at the end of my tether. Both waking every two hours and howling. With DD I think she was waking and getting frustrated because she was so tired and desperate to go back to sleep but didn't know how. Patting her or picking her up made her worse, I finally realise. Honestly the sleep training took about 4 days then she was sleeping through. With DS he was just very attached to me and wanted me there whenever he woke up. Didn't stick so rigidly to the routine with him - sometimes I would go back in after a couple of minutes and sit and read him a story or something. But after about 2 weeks he was sleeping 12 hours straight. It saved my sanity.

A friend had a similar thing and hired a sleep consultant. Worked in 3 days, by instilling a routine (daytime as well as night time, so getting her to nap too) I know it's expensive but they said it was the best money they ever spent. Also I guess if you did that and it didn't work it would maybe point to a physical cause?

I know it's not much comfort now but it will pass

Piriton syrup, and /or lavender oil worked for me for a 4 hr sleep.

Mine does this still and he's 18 months. I had a mini breakdown last week I was so stupidly tired.

Anyway. My one has issues with wind because of extra saliva from teething. He has also been teething forever.

Before he goes to bed we give him infacol and also the teething granules. If he's in more pain with his teeth, then calpol. This usually keeps the screaming down, but he still is up every 2 hours ish for milk (still BF). I can cope. Barely.

It's when he does every hour that kills me as haven't had time to fall asleep. We also co sleep.

Really hope you find a solution. Sleep deprivation is bloody torture

Another vote for trying treatment for silent reflux. Not quite sure what you mean that he doesn't have symptoms of silent reflux - he does - he's probably in pain lying flat at night making reflux worse, and will only sleep in day on your chest (ie on tummy propped up so best position to stop reflux). Controlled crying doesn't work if there's a medical problem /allergy underlying it.

Get gaviscon and if needed, ranitidine or omeprazole. Need to make sure doses are optimised with ranitidine as sometimes they start on a low dose and build up.

I would say you've ruled out cow's milk allergy but need 3 weeks trial of gaviscon plus either ranitidine or omeprazole, to be able to really rule out reflux. If he's not better after a month of trying meds then if say give up and work on sleep consultants , but right now I just think you really owe it to him to try the meds, proper doses for a good few weeks

Sounds like silent reflux to me. My DD had it along with dairy and soya allergies and tongue tie.

The only thing that controlled the reflux was omeprazole (20mg!) and a strict dairy free diet for me (breastfeeding) and DD when she started solids.

It got better quickly on omeprazole but I still cosleep at almost 3.

Had to night wean her at 15 months though using Dr Jay Gordon technique because she was waking up every hour!! It was partly habit by then and also sleep regression (there are major ones at 4 months, 8-10 months, 12, 18 and 24 months).

I remember the 8-10 months sleep regression being a killer because that was when she started crawling - her sleep regressions always coincided with a major developmental leap in crawling/walking/talking etc

Good luck and hang in there!!!!

Hello, total sympathy for you. It doesn't sound like health issues but that your lo can not self sooth through to the next sleep cycle so is waking for help to do it & is now reliant on you. I would suggest these steps, things that helped us I too had a HORRENDOUS sleeper. Sleep deprivation is awful.

1. Check out a book by the blissful baby expert. She also has a forum & offers good sleep advice.
2. Start with good day time sleep habits.
3. Get lo checked by a doctor and health visitor to make sure no health issues affecting sleep.
4. Clear your diary get support so that you can start some sleep training. Prepare for less sleep to begin with (yeah I know crazy hard actually getting less but stick with it)
5. Look out for daytime sleep cues, rubbing of eyes tireness and put lo down in cot to self settle. Also use white nice to help do this. Ewan dream sleep or a phone app. It's much easier to be firm in the day and wait it out for sleep to come than it is at 2am. Expect it to take days (this is why clear diary) cancel being out and about so you can discover a good nap time and plan to stick to this nap time. Your lo will not doubt cry and grizzle, pat reassure stay with them until they eventually tire to sleep. They often like to such or chew on a blanket or special toy. This will take time and patience! Carry this on at bedtime.
6. Persist, should take 2 weeks maximum less if rigidly stuck too. Don't confuse them by suddenly co sleeping. It's really unsettling for a baby to fall asleep on a parent and to then wake up alone in a cot. They of course then want the parent all night long or any day time naps. Once they learn to be in their own sleep space and do it on their own it will be cracked.
7. Day time naps are important they do get over tired and I really believe in the sleep breeds sleep saying.

Good luck anything I can help answer just holla.

Babies wake if they are disturbed, hungry, in pain or wet.

Try black out blinds in cot in own bedroom. Give formula last thing at night and get checked out for intolerances especially dairy as baby should be sleeping through the night at this age.

Please take him to a cranial oestopath who specialises in babies. If you have insurance they can sometimes cover it. Lots of babies have physical issues after the birth. My son did not sleep through the night until he was 4.5 years old. I had to unravel the reasons - nerves in neck tight after birth (he was a c section - this usually happens more during natural delivery), diary intolerance, silent reflux, itchy excema you couldn't see on his scalp until one time my hubby heated him up too much in the shower and then behavioural sleep problems after all his physical things left both him and me exhausted. Paid £££ to 4 sleep consultants. If you son is screaming something is bothering him so please take him to a cranial oesto and see if this helps calm him down. Good luck.

Could he have wind? Maybe do the knee bending exercise to help expel gas?

Mine was like this (1-2 hour wake ups all night) until I sleep trained her around 11 months. I used the gradual withdrawal method. The first night was awful but after 3 nights she was sleeping 5 hour stretches!

Oh op poor you that it tough...

I recommend the Gina Ford books l found them brilliant for gentle sleep training..

Have you tried using Dr Brown's bottles in case it's wind? Or the MAM ones?

I've had sleep consultants help me with my also terrible sleeper. My guess is if you asked they would say that the day sleep is where the issue starts. Probably by the time he goes to bed he's overtired hence the frequent waking. An occasional 20 min day nap isn't generally enough at 10 months. Minimum suggested is 90 mins. Can you put him into his cot and pat and shush until he falls asleep. You will probably need to resettle really often at first but he might get it. My guess would be if he starts having a regular decent nap in the day night sleep would improve ten fold. You have my absolute sympathy, I'm still co sleeping with my 2 year old at 20 weeks pregnant as he will not stay in his bed Agree a paediatrician assessment necessary too.

Mine was like this. Up every 40 mins all night every night until she was over 12 months old. She had reflux and it was that which caused the waking and the screaming. I was told it was "normal" and to do CC also. It was only when she ended up in paediatric ward with something else that she was immediately diagnosed by a paediatrician as having reflux. I'd taken her to the GP multiple times and the HV a rediculous amount of times. The ranitidine helped her to eat a little better but the reflux and the sleep didn't really resolve until she stopped drinking milk (something she did herself at about 9 months). She had Sandifers and a variety of other reflux related issues also. Once her reflux resolved and we were able to stop her meds I did have to get a bit tough at bedtimes to stop her getting me up to help her settle all night every night!

My 3rd child was like this upto 10 months when she started crawling...we had an expert come in and they basically said her inability to move was waking her up as her arms were getting sore and lame but she was so fat she couldn't roll over...within a few days of starting to crawl she slept through...that was for 17 months and then at 2.5 years she started waking up...she's almost 3 and she has more good nights than bad now but still sometime she wakes...I just bring her in with me as she will sleep well next to me...only problem is that I'm 8 months pregnant with no.4 so she'll have to stop this...dh works away Mon-Fri so can't help then...

Anyway I would look at the following:

1. Timings & length of daytime naps.
2. Amount of food/milk in the day. Protein?
3. Overstimulation? Possible especially if he's walking so early...
4. Bedtime routine? Massage?

Dos he sleep better if you give him calpol? Not that I'm advocating drugging him, but it would be interesting to see...

Good luck! He will eventually sleep, hopefully sooner rather than later...

@Blahblahboo controlled crying is not cruel and works for some babies , just because you don't believe in it , doesn't make it wrong

I second/third PPs for a visit to a paediatrician rather than GP.

Get the GP to refer you, or if possible pay for a private appointment. You'll get seen sooner and hopefully everyone will start getting sleep sooner. My DS had reflux and I was fobbed off by GPS so many times. One visit to the paediatrician specialising in gastroenterology (next day appointment too!but £250... London) and I had a clear understanding of what might be wrong with him, a prescription in my hand, and within three days, a completely different baby.
Once that worked, the paediatrician said she could write a letter to the GP and that I could then go back to the NHS system for follow ups. I didn't need to in the end, but that was my understanding. PM me if you want details of the paediatrician.

I massively sympathise - my twins are 10.5 months adjusted and have never slept well (up every couple of hours at least, not always at the same time, and one has a disability requiring feeding every few hours, medication at night and blood sugar tests before every feed). I am pretty close to losing my mind, the last month has been especially hellish - they wake up at say 12am and don't want to go back to sleep. They're awake, talking, shouting, crying, blowing raspberries, clapping. Then once it hits 4am, that's it - no chance of getting them back down. Oh, and did I mention they've dropped to 1 nap per day? Less than an hour. I'm honestly in hell.

What we've been doing recently since it's so hard to hold both is when they wake up they go into their bouncers and we bounce them for as long as it takes to get them back to sleep. Cannot do CIO, already have some issues with them having been in hospital so long and separated from me for so long that I'm terrified of doing damage. I'm guessing you've tried all the standard stuff - with mine it's almost always hunger that wakes them and they'll go back down after milk, or at least until this recent bad patch they did.

Wish I had advice for you but wanted you to know you're not alone x

Are you feeding him overnight? How are you doing the controlled crying (step by step)?