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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't ever show your boobies - AIBU?

87 replies

LovingKyloRen · 05/09/2017 19:27

Observed from a distance while sitting at my 5YO DS's swimming lesson last week. A Mum sitting near me was talking to her friend and also trying to entertain her DD2 (DD1 in the pool). Little girl was no older than 4 and wearing a swimsuit. It's bloody roasting at the poolside so unsurprisingly she was complaining about being hot, so she took her swimsuit off as far as her waist. Her mum immediately pulled it back up and told her off for showing her boobies. Heard her say "you must never take your top off otherwise people can see your boobies." I thought it was really OTT. My DD is now a teenager and I would never have said anything like that to her so young - AIBU?

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/09/2017 20:19

My very conservative mother had us without tops until any signs of boobs actually showed.

I still have topless photos at about 9 or 10 I think.

That a mother would be concerned about a 4 year old is sad.

VestalVirgin · 05/09/2017 20:23

Nothing wrong in what she said. Some people want to wear clothes. Others don't.

But female children aren't allowed to not want to wear clothes? Are you fucking serious?

What that woman said reeks of misogyny.

Why would anyone do something like that to a child?

My parents were, thankfully, nice and decent people who didn't see a reason to force me to wear a bikini top or something similarly stupid while I did not have breasts.

Guess what, I noticed that women who do have breasts wear tops, and started wearing tops when I developed breasts without anyone bullying me at 4 years old. Hmm

pictish · 05/09/2017 20:25

Vestal what are you on about?

Emillee · 05/09/2017 20:25

Is it the concept, or the language that troubles you?

If she said 'people will see your privates' would that be ok?

Personally I teach my kids 'privates are private' and that would include the breast area and I imagine I'm not alone in that?

MrsDustyBusty · 05/09/2017 20:28

At four, your daughter's chest is as private and area as your son's. Need a four year old boy cover his private chest?

FenceSitter01 · 05/09/2017 20:28

5rivers7hills I was referring to adults in general - as the OP referred to a particular adult - but if you choose to wilfully misinterpret so be it.

And in what world is 7 'near puberty' ?

reallyanotherone · 05/09/2017 20:31

A bit weird. Lots of 7 year olds just wear bikini bottoms anyway

Not any more. Back in my day it was perfectly normal to only wear bottoms up until 9 or 10, but bikini's were "holiday only", and no one wore them down the local pool.

These days though, i see lots of little girls wearing bikini tops, even toddlers. And yes, generally you can tell the girls from the boys because of the pink/blue divide.

What makes me laugh is when the mother insists they wear the top, but 10 mins later its all skew whiff and you can see both nipples anyway. But still the top stays on.

There has actually been cases where the pool has made parents put tops on toddlers wearing pink bikini bottoms.

VestalVirgin · 05/09/2017 20:37

If she said 'people will see your privates' would that be ok?

No, it fucking wouldn't, because her fucking chest isn't fucking private parts, and to claim that it is so is some sexist shit.

And then you wonder why so many children declare that they're trans and now identify as boys, when you started oppressing them merely because they are girls, at 4 years old, and told them you treat them this way because they are girls, not because they have breasts, because at that age, they fucking have breasts.

You don't even have the decency to admit to them that you opppress them because of their female bodies. You pretend that being a girl is some nebulous shit that means that their chests are dirty and must be hidden despite looking the exactly fucking same as that of a 4 year old boy.

Mamabear4180 · 05/09/2017 20:37

It's not that OTT I don't understand why this bothered you so much.

Mamabear4180 · 05/09/2017 20:40

Vestal you've got issues

pictish · 05/09/2017 20:40

Vestal have you been drinking?

VestalVirgin · 05/09/2017 20:41

There has actually been cases where the pool has made parents put tops on toddlers wearing pink bikini bottoms.

Really? Wow. I would have been incandescent with rage. How fucking dare they?

pictish · 05/09/2017 20:42

I'd pay to see that.

Emillee · 05/09/2017 20:43

No, it fucking wouldn't, because her fucking chest isn't fucking private parts, and to claim that it is so is some sexist shit.

Nope. It's borne out of the fact that my (adopted) DD was the victim of suspected sexual abuse when she was a young child, and the need to help her understand where the safe boundaries are because she doesn't know.

So take your outrage and stick it up your privates.

VestalVirgin · 05/09/2017 20:44

'Vestal you've got issues

Yeah, I have to live under patriarchy as a woman. That's a pretty big issue.
Nice for you that you are either a) a man or b) like to be oppressed, but that's not the case for all of us.

And yes, it makes me angry that women not only participate in their own oppression, but force it on toddlers already.

Bugsylugs · 05/09/2017 20:44

Just come back from Spain was so refreshing that they let children be children and not prudes.

Micah · 05/09/2017 20:45

Think about it- why should breasts be covered anyway?

Because they are sexual organs?

No wonder so many women feel uncomfortable breastfeeding in public, if the message they've recieved since they could understand is "cover them up, people will see".

Add that to the display of teenage girls and adult women's breasts being seen as a sign of attractiveness and sexual allure, and we have a pretty fucked up view.

Why should toddlers and breastfeeding women be given the cover up message, when their breasts are non sexual, yet other women are encouraged to display them as a sign of sexuality?

AssassinatedBeauty · 05/09/2017 20:48

Is the top half of a 4 year old girl considered to be a private area? My 4 year old boy wouldn't be bothered about taking a t shirt off, and surely a 4 year old girl will look exactly the same? So why is it inappropriate for young girls to have no top on?

VestalVirgin · 05/09/2017 20:49

So take your outrage and stick it up your privates.

Oh, you want me to rape myself with an object?

How ... "nice" and "sensitive" and "boundary respecting".

I fucking hope you don't talk like that to your adopted daughter.

Mamabear4180 · 05/09/2017 20:51

Vestal You're either a) overeacting b) overthinking or c) on drugs
No in all seriousness I do understand what you're saying but I don't feel oppressed because I wore a full swim suit before I had boobs.

pictish · 05/09/2017 20:51

Can one technically rape oneself?

MentalLentil · 05/09/2017 20:52

I'm with Vestal. Shaming female children into hiding their chests before breasts even develop is gender stereotyping misogynistic bullshit.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/09/2017 20:52

Fuck me that got a bit silly unusually quickly normally it takes 3 pages

Emillee · 05/09/2017 20:54

Can one technically rape oneself?

No. You need a penis to rape someone. But why let the facts get in the way of a good trolling?