Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Aibu to feel like I can't fly without my children?

52 replies

Crazycatsandkids · 05/09/2017 16:08

Friends 30th birthday this weekend coming and we've all booked a weekend in Rome.
10 mums going Friday evening and back Sunday afternoon.
Everyone very excited but I'm feeling sick at the thought of leaving my children and boarding a plane.
I'm terrified something will happen to me flying and the kids will be left without a mum and equally scared something will happen to the kids and I won't be able to just jump in a taxi and come home.
For what it's worth I have left them before to go away with work but never flying, I've also had many nights away for family weddings and so on but never a flight.
I feel crazy as some of the mums are leaving newborns and mine are 8 and 5 years old.

OP posts:

statementOfInterest · 05/09/2017 16:10

Yes you're being very unreasonable but that doesn't mean you shouldn't call on friends / family for support.

Are you always a nervous flier?

Wolfiefan · 05/09/2017 16:11

Do you suffer from anxiety at other times?

KityGlitr · 05/09/2017 16:11

I think some level of this is normal, it only becomes a problem if you start letting it prevent you from living your life and doing things. I'm sure you've read that statistically you're more likely to get killed in the car driving to the airport than in the plane itself!

I know it sounds harsh but a friend of mine with a similar problem reminded herself that even if she was the one in a million that got killed in a plane crash, the kids would survive without her. They have (probably) another parent, family who care and even if they have nobody but you they'd be taken care of by social service and found a home.

It's incredibly unlikely to happen but maybe being practical about it might help x

dairyfarmerswife · 05/09/2017 16:17

I think it is understandable to be anxious about going away without your DC but try to rationalize the thoughts. In reality air travel is extremely safe, I'm sure you know that you are more likely to be involved in a car accident than a plane crash.

As far as the their safety, no you can't just jump in a taxi but if worst came to worst you could be on the next plane home. Again the likelihood is they will be perfectly safe. Who will be looking after them? Have they stayed there before? Are they happy to be going? When my two were tiny it caused me huge anxiety to leave them, as they get older I find it a lot easier, but I have also learned to manage my anxiety much better too.

It's hard to step out of your comfort zone but I am sure it will be worth it.

caroline161 · 05/09/2017 16:20

I get home sick when I'm away and actually would never be able to board a plane without my children. To the point where I feel sorry for people who are able to do it because I think that they must feel terrible and I'm so glad it's not me!! Completely normal I would say xx

Original poster

Crazycatsandkids · 05/09/2017 16:21

Oh gosh it's my husband ( their dad! ) to look after them! No concerns about any of that!
It's literally just the flight and not a nervous person at all.
I have quite a professional job that requires me to attends meetings and sometimes this includes an overnight stay so the kids are well used to daddy being home with them!

OP posts:

strongandlong · 05/09/2017 16:27

I feel just the same. The first time I went abroad without the DC I wrote them letters to be given to them if I didn't come back. I'm not usually a nervous flyer and go away with work and socially fairly regularly. Weird, but you're not alone.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2017 16:28

Our brains are weird and complicated things. You can develop phobias and irrational fears at any time. But that is the way to think about it; as an irrational fear your brain has thrown up. You treat it as such. Think, "that's that irrational fear again, I wonder what it's about, isn't my brain interesting".

Intellectualizing it works for me. It may not for you!

Note3 · 05/09/2017 16:28

I'm the same OP. Have left my children for other things but would feel very uncomfortable flying without them while they're little. I drive on motorways and so on without them but I'll be honest in that I avoid it.

I guess I just have a massive weight of responsibility weighing me down. I only have one family member who could step in and look after them and then there's a high risk they'd end up with one of 4 highly unsuitable other family members. I realise to many others they'd think I'm being silly and irrational but there is logic behind my thinking and ultimately I can't help how I feel.

As they get older I'll feel differently as they'll be more self sufficient should the worst happen. I look forward to swanning off on sun hols and leaving a stroppy teen or independent adult behind...

AdalindSchade · 05/09/2017 16:29

This is anxiety. It's not rational. Try not to let it limit your life!

grannytomine · 05/09/2017 16:33

I was the other way round with mine and felt more worried if they were with me, I would rather they were at home safe if there was a crash. I guess we all look at things our own way.

I do get the not being able to rush home but to be honest there are loads of flights from Rome to British airports so it might be costly but I reckon you could get back if you needed to.

CrazyLittleCow · 05/09/2017 16:36

I feel the same. Know it's irrational but I don't care, I won't be getting on a plane anytime soon.

LairyMcClary · 05/09/2017 16:38

I don't really get it. On the very tiny chance something happened to your flight, wouldn't it be much better that they weren't with you?

It's statistically far safer than getting into a car everyday, do you worry about that?

Circumlocutor · 05/09/2017 16:43

Completely normal I would say xx

It's really not. Normal to feel some pangs perhaps but not normal for these feelings to prevent you from getting on a plane. Nope.

Mamabear4180 · 05/09/2017 16:43

I'm the opposite, the thought of putting my precious children in a plane thousands of feet in the air gives me the willies. I will though and already have flown with 2 of them, next time I'll be adding the baby and it scares the crap out of me! But I won't let my fear of flying rob them of lovely holidays! I get you but I'd feel the fear and do it anyway!

Shoxfordian · 05/09/2017 16:44

Yeah you're being unreasonable
I'm sure you'll have a lovely time

CrazyLittleCow · 05/09/2017 16:47

It's statistically far safer than getting into a car everyday, do you worry about that?

Yep. I avoid it unless it's a very long journey that can't be made by train.

RhubardGin · 05/09/2017 16:47

Flying is the safest form of travel. You are more likely to get involved in a RTA. Sorry to be blunt but it's true. I don't understand people who are scared of flying but will happily get into a car every day.

This is just anxiety talking. You'll have a lovely time and your DC will have a fantastic time with your DH.

Go and enjoy yourself!

sonsmum · 05/09/2017 16:48

It's irrational but i totally understand where you are coming from.
I sometimes have the same thought when both DH and I fly together without the kids....or when we are in the car just by ourselves.
I know they are irrational thoughts, so I park them!
I worry about flying, but then think about the thousands of flights that happen every day, incidents are very rare!
It's normal to have the thoughts - i think it shows you are unselfish, ie you are thinking about your kids as opposed to yourself.
But do go to Rome, do have fun and don't worry. Your kids will hardly notice you are gone, but they will be delighted when you are back! Make sure adequate childcare arrangements are in place, which am sure you have. Write lists to help with the childcare (i do this and am blissfully ignorant if they are followed or not but it makes me feel better!). Have your phone on standby and give them the hotel number. They'll call if they need to, but you're unlikely to hear from them.
You're likely to still be nervous when you get on the plane, but have a stiff drink and once you are stable at altitude and the pilot gives his update, you can relax!

As a parent you are allowed a life! It't not all the time you would do this?! Enjoy and don't worry!

Isabella70 · 05/09/2017 16:52

I understand that these things are illogical, but you're much more likely to die on the trip to the airport, whatever means of transport you choose.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/09/2017 16:52

Completely normal I would say xx

No it isn't.

Caprianna · 05/09/2017 16:52

While you are on the plane, in reality you are the safest that can be, but I get the fear is irrational.

PlasticPatty · 05/09/2017 16:55

Stay with your children if you want to. Don't be ashamed to do that.

I was terrified of flying for most of my life, but now that my child is grown up and all is done, I enjoy it.

swingofthings · 05/09/2017 17:06

You can be scared of anything, it doesn't have to be rational. In your case, it's because it gives you the sense of being further away and therefore couldn't come back as quickly, and also because we associate flying with more risk just because it looks more so, even though it's the opposite.

You'll feel apprehensive before, a little bit during the flight but then will be distracted, enjoy yourself there although missing them, delighted to be on the flight back looking forward to hugging them, and next time they have a tantrum and drive you crazy, will fantasize about getting on a plane to take you far far away!

BoccadiLupa · 05/09/2017 17:10

My lovely, totally normal. I developed a fear of flying after I had the DC and it is pretty bad now. I do fly without them but it involves quite few G&Ts. Normal, but irrational and the question is whether you let it control what you do. And you know what? Its YOUR life. Personally I give myself a stern talking to and do it anyway but if you can't, so what. You are hurting no one. It's all fine either way. x

Flip

1 2 3