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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a five minute break at the weekend.

61 replies

BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 10:48

Currently my DH works hard at his full time career job, he leaves the house at 6am and gets home between 4pm and 7pm depending on work load.

I am a SAHM (on maternity leave) and I do all the food shopping, cleaning, cooking and childcare including night waking on my own.

So far we are both happy, I am home with our daughter and my DH doesn't have to do any housework.

But at the weekends I ask him to help me look after our daughter for 5 minutes here or there, so I can pop on the dinner on or have a quick 'baby free' shower and I get complaints of why can't I take the baby with me

During the week I do take her everywhere, she crawls naked in the bath when I am in the shower and sits just outside the kitchen with toys whilst I put on the dinner but it takes twice the time to do anything dragging a baby around with me, I just want a short break at the weekend so I can do things faster without my precious baby in tow.

Am I being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 03/04/2007 10:53

No, he is being unreasonable.

When is he going to make any relationship with dd? Ask him why he is so scared of her, and shouldn't he do something to overcome his fear?

Your dd has 2 parents.

Furball · 03/04/2007 10:55

no you are not, your dh is forgetting it's his child too. My dh was abit like this in thinking because you stay at home all day you're just lolling around watching This Morning whilst putting your feet on the sofa whilst he's out earning money. Unfortunately it's quite a common myth. He soon changed his ind when I went on a weekend away with my friends and left him to it.

custy · 03/04/2007 10:56

your dh is a tosser tell him where to get off.

when do you get 2 days a week off?

ask him that the selfish fucker

ScottishThistle · 03/04/2007 10:57

Weekends should be equal & if you're asking him to have 15mins with his daughter whilst you make his dinner then yes he's being unreasonable & a prickoid!

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 11:00

He told 'He works hard during the week' and I argued that my work never stops. Just because I love being home with my daughter, doesn't mean that it is not hard work, especially getting up every hour at night with a teething baby. I have not slept for the last three nights.

We had a row about it at the weekend and he felt he had been looking after her all day, when in reality he was left with her twice for 5 minutes and each time I came back into the living room to find the baby being ignored whilst DH played on his computer...once she was playing with a full potty !!! (Luckiy she just emptied it onto the floor ) I could of killed him and yet he thinks he looked after her all the time

OP posts:
oliveoil · 03/04/2007 11:01

maybe he doesn't know what to do and is a bit cautious

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 11:02

I think the problem is that he doesn't see my work as a SAHM as valid as compared to his 'outside the house' work.

OP posts:
oliveoil · 03/04/2007 11:03

ahhhh, tosspot then

I think a day off shopping or something may be in order so he can see how 'easy' it is

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 11:04

...and Furball is right, he think's all I do all day is sit on my bottom and watch TV

Back in a minute...just empting washing machine and hanging out washing to dry.

OP posts:
oliveoil · 03/04/2007 11:05

lazy cow

sweep the floor on your way

sheeeesh, these sahm don't know they are born

oranges · 03/04/2007 11:06

just go away for 2 days and leave him in charge. Or go back to work. This is ridiculous.

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 11:06

I was in hospital last week and he had to look after DD with my parents and so I KNOW he can look after her, when he has to.

And he does love to play with her, when she is clean, dry, fed and in a good mood (i.e. the easy bit)

But if she cries, his answer is always that she needs feeding and hands her back to me ....what is that about ?

OP posts:
custy · 03/04/2007 11:06

i think then that you should tell him you've had enough - he is staying at home and your getting the outside the house job.

tell him this weekend he can expect a run through cos your fucking off friday night saturday and will be back sunday.

tell him when the baby came - it didn't come with a fucking handbook. and that no-one talked you through anything.

and to remember that HIS child will remember that he/she didn't feel important to daddy - becuase he was too busy allowing him.her to play with piss whilst there was some important dirty joke or something on the computer.

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 11:35

Washing out on line and my DD out of bed and crawling at my feet with toys...bless her
------------
I think I'll get DH to sit with me and work out a schedule of time off for me TBH I would prefer to do most of it because I love being with my daughter and she is mainly breastfed at the moment.

I would be so happy with :-
: one afternoon off monthly so I can go to the pictures which I really miss doing
: two hours weekly so I can start going swimming or to an exercise class
: 30 minutes on weekends/holidays so housework and cooking are far easier for me.

Does that sound fair ?

OP posts:
tibsy · 03/04/2007 11:43

babieseverywhere, dp and i have had this discussion before!!! i think its perfectly reasonable to share the load on the weekend and setting down your 'needs' sounds like a great idea. good luck

kks · 03/04/2007 11:46

What is it with men! I am similer to you, my boyfriend goes to work at 6am,comes home between 5 and 6 at night as he is self employed. I do all the housework, he had a cooked meal made by me everyday and yet if i say to him can you just watch the baby while i go and something i am made to feel guilty.

choosyfloosy · 03/04/2007 11:49

BE, if you present that to him, make sure it is dated, and that somewhere on it it says To Be Reviewed As Required But Not Less Often Than Quarterly.

(And ask him to describe the time 'off' he has and how it stacks up against that lot. Including '7 hours uninterrupted sleep per night')

Original poster
BabiesEverywhere · 03/04/2007 11:53

Yes, he loves going home to a home cooked meal and the fact that all his clothes dropped on the floor all over the house manage to appear back in his wardrobe clean, dried and ironed.

I don't understand why he doesn't want to spend more time with her. He is so good with older kids and our DD is much loved and planned, he is happy to spend time with her as long as I am there.

tibsy and KKS what time do you ladies get off then ? If anything ?

OP posts:
frenchconnection · 03/04/2007 11:54

ooooh this sounds just like my dh!! hence the split!!

frenchconnection · 03/04/2007 11:55

plus i REFUSE to cook a meal for a man!
It just gets to me, he can have the leftovers of whatever ive made - or make it himself!

HoppyDaddy · 03/04/2007 11:56

Babieseverwhere, I work full time AND do all the housework / dd stuff.

DW gives me a lie on a sunday and she gets one on a saturday. Just the extra hour in bed feels like a week!

HotXMum · 03/04/2007 11:57

Looks to me as if he thinks she is your responsibility.

He needs to build a better relationship with his daughter in order to want to feel like he wants to spend time with her. These things cant be forced.
Can you arrange to go out together at the weekend where he has an opportun ity to interact more with her?

Its awful that he should feel its a chore to look after her for a few mins.

Elasticwoman · 03/04/2007 12:02

BE you might look into exercise classes/swimming with a creche, find out how much the creche costs, and discuss with dh whether it's better to pay for the care (during the week) so that your time off can be for other things.

Have you asked him when your Time Off should be and how much of it you should have, taking into account your broken nights? Or does he really think the responsibility is totally yours, 24/7?

BandofBunnies · 03/04/2007 12:02

I get hardly any time off, and sometimes he pinches my lie in cos he can't be arsed to get up. Men are lazy twats(mostly) who think you can't possibly be as tired as they are.
When dd2 was born, I got told that I'm ok cos I have the mother thing going so I can cope with being exhausted. okaaaaaaaaaaaay then.

Now I don't ask him to feed dd2 I put her screaming in hte high chair in fromt of him, and his pc, drop the food in front of him, and go back into the kitchen. He can ignore me but not her!!

Am so fecked off with this kind of s**t from men. They want the kids too, then when they realise how much hard work they are in RL, they think they can just leave us to it.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

BandofBunnies · 03/04/2007 12:02

Can you tell this is a big issue in my house too