Home after suicide attempt partner now snoring on couch

[Mamazita]

First time poster, long term lurker. For background I've been with my DP for 7 years and I have a DS10 and DS 9 months.

I've suffered over the years on/off with depression. When things have gotten too much I normally self harm by way of shaving my hair off aka a Britney Spears. It's always been my release and no real harm done. I had a real bad pregnancy mental health wise with the baby which resulted in me having a crisis team visit me 3-4 times per week. I was induced 2 weeks early before Xmas so that my DP would have longer at home with us, using his Xmas leave plus paternity. He ended up being at home with me for 5 weeks which was amazing as I really needed the support.

I am currently breastfeeding and my baby still wakes up every 2-3 hours for a feed so as such I've not slept more than 3 hours at a time in 9 months. I've found having another baby extremely difficult, especially having left it so long between both kids. My GP has diagnosed me with PND and prescribed me 100mg sertraline.

Over the last few weeks myself and my DP have been arguing a lot. I've been extremely tired, it's the end of the summer holidays so had enough of entertaining DS10 too. Been in no real routine. All this has resulted in me feeling totally overwhelmed and after a huge row on Saturday with DP I'd convinced myself that nobody loved me and I was the worst person in the world. I totally snapped and ran out the house at 5pm. In my frenzied, paranoid state I took an overdose of pills and lots of alcohol with the intention of committing suicide.

The police found me and I was placed under their care under a section 136. I was taken to A&E for medical treatment and the police stayed with me until this morning when the medical treatment had ended. They then transferred me to a 136 suite for an assessment by a doctor and social worker. They deemed that I was safe enough to go home and have the crisis team visit me. They did this on the understanding that I would have lots of support at home from DP.

Ahhh sorry it's so long! I was discharged at 6.30 and been home since 7. Nothing has been mentioned as eldest was still awake. He then went to bed at 9pm as has school in the morning. Now my AIBU is that my normally supportive partner has just fell asleep on the couch, snoring his head off and not tried to talk to me about what has happened. I'm a little shocked and confused especially since I've never tried to attempt suicide before. I didn't know what to expect, but thought at the very least he might of given me a hug. AIBU to feel angry and hurt that he has just fallen asleep? I really feel like he doesn't care and maybe I'm best off being back in hospital. For information the crisis team are visiting me tomorrow at 10am

Good luck OP. Bottle feeding, care for yourself, dp and your DCs. Call up as much support as you can and sleep.

He's been looking for you, worrying about you, trying to get the baby to take a bottle and under a lot of stress so not surprising he's fallen asleep to be honest. I very much doubt it was a deliberate snub.

I also don't think you have to have a big conversation. He probably wants to avoid confrontation knowing you aren't able to cope with it right now. You need to find out how to move forward and access help. I really hope you can find some treatment that works and gets you feeling happier.

My friend was in a very similar situation with her first, delusions and suicide attempts and all sorts, and she did completely recover once she found the right meds, she was fine before the babies first birthday. Rooting for you OP. Take care of yourself x

Glad your DP is looking after you all and hope you got some sleep.

Your DP sounds a good person.
Please don't try and turn this on him. It's not his fault you had a suicide attempt and I bet he's beyond shattered by all of this.

I think the DP sounds a bit shit. Not even a hug for OP who's back from hospital.

OP, good luck with the crisis team. Do be honest about how you've been feeling and your concern your partner may not be able to provide support.

Regarding the breastfeeding, if the Op wants to continue, then she shouldn't feel pushed into stopping. I think breastfeeding itself is meant to release hormones that help with mental health. At least a friend who had depression told me that, and she found breastfeeding helped her.

Didn't want to read and run. You sound like an intelligent, thoughtful person who is very sad I hope you work things out with your dp. Sometimes blokes haven't got a clue how to react to things like this.

I would get back to the GP and let them know what happened, and discuss your dosage

I would also consider stopping BF, you had good innings but no sleep wont help you OP

school starts again this week thanks to fuck too, so one child will be entertained

been there and feel your pain, but your partner must be very angry and worried and stressed. I am sure its taken a huge toll and that's why he is sleeping!

Baby steps, get some rest, look after yourselves and try and have an open mind to small changes that might help, and more importantly will make you feel like you are addressing things XXXXX

I had to look after a close family member (not a partner) after they made an attempt on their life after a long cycle of breakdowns, self harm etc. I love her dearly and I had been supportive for years but I have genuinely never found anything so exhaustingly draining, emotionally painful and stressful as that time. It made me physically ill and affected my own mental health badly too. After a while I just ground to a halt and didn't have the strength to do anything except lie on the sofa in silence either.

Also, it's very common for people to pull away after they've almost lost someone; it's a subconscious defence mechanism. sometimes people feel as if the more care and attention they give someone after a suicide attempt, the more likely they are to keep making them (hospital staff are occasionally surprisingly brisk with people who have tried to take their own life, partly for this reason).

You have been through something truly awful and I deeply, deeply sympathise, but your partner has had an awful time too, albeit of a different type. I can understand his reaction.

He's probably exhausted, stressed and worried himself, and potentially angry too.

You can't expect him to his tdeal with everything 'perfectly' never allowing space for husband own emotions.

To deal
His own emotions

Hope you had a full 8 hours OP.

Just to say, there are lots of ADs which are compatible with breastfeeding, not just sertraline. Stopping breastfeeding or pumping abruptly can also trigger or make depression worse, so please think carefully about stopping suddenly (you can taper off which should reduce any impact).

Is your DS at school today? Hopefully you'll get a good chance to talk to your DP today.

So sorry for you going through this. You need professional support and lots of it. Your partner is not a mental health professional so he is not equipped to sort this out. You are in a desperate situation but your partner is perhaps scared, exhausted, confused and doesn't know what to do.

When a relative took an overdose I remember asking the A&E nurse what I should say to them. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing. So I can understand your DP sleeping through exhaustion and confusion. It's very very hard to get your head round someone you love attempting suicide - apart from all the other factors they are abandoning you. That's painful.

I think rather than seeing him as needing to look after you it might help almost to see yourselves as both in need of help to get through this. He doesn't have all the answers, though of course you need his support. Couples counselling sounds great, and I would move to mixed feeding to reduce any additional issues from breastfeeding.

Good luck OP.

I hope you are feeling a bit better this morning and that the meeting with the CrisisTeam goes well. Try to express what you need. I know it is hard and sometimes you will clam up or just cry. However, do try telling your partner - I need you to... (Hug me, take the baby, go shopping while I have a bath. It sounds simple but I know it can be hard.

((hugs))

Sorry but what does feeding method have to do with anything? I'm sure OP isn't stupid and has heard of formula and is able to make that decision for herself.

It sounds like the breast-feeding is a significant contributory factor to tiredness which was a significant contributory factor to row which led to suicide attempt. It seems more likely than not there would have been no suicide attempt if she hadn't been breast-feeding.

However big anyone thinks the advantages of breast-feeding are after the first nine months, it sounds like the cost to her is more than it's worth.

Not just the cost to her, the whole family. Particularly a baby that risks not having a mother.

Hi OP, good on you for posting and asking for help.

I had bad PND and thought very seriously about killing myself. Thankfully i didn't take it further buy 2 years on now i am only starting to realise how low i was and how different a person i became. I resented my partner so much and just hated my life and wanted it all to be over. I need sleep to function and breastfeeding my difficult (but wonderful) little girl was a huge factor. She would only sleep with me and absolutely refused bottles.

It gradually got easier with a lot of therapy and medication. She's stick a terrible sleeper and will never be an 'easy' child but she is feisty, loving and incredible smart. I love her so much, and sometimes get so frightened about how i could have ended it all.

With regards to my husband, we are getting back to where we were. I nor realise how worried he was about me and how much my depression affected him.

You are incredibly strong and wonderful. Remember that. Always.

Body typos, sorry! Am typing from underneath sleeping little girl

So many hugs and sympathy.

I’ve tried to kill myself as well – hang in there. Things can and will get better and know I’m sending so much support your way. Good luck with the crisis team – they were fab with me. Do ask them as well if there’s any support for carers that you could poke your DP towards. I know my DH has struggled hugely at times with having to look after me, support DD, and manage his own emotions at the same time. It’s very very hard to see someone you love get into such a state.

I know you can get through it – I think you just both need to remember to be kind to each other. It’s a difficult time for you both – my DH wound up on anti-depressants and in counselling after I started to get better, largely because he felt that was the moment it was safe to break down. It’s a very tough road. But you’ll make it.

Thank you for all your kinds words.

The crisis team are booking me an appointment with psychiatrist to look into a formal diagnosis of bipolar disorder as I show all the symptoms and to get the correct medication. If this means stopping breastfeeding, then so be it.

The team have also offered my partner support for his mental health and us both couples counselling.

Social services have been in touch and they are going to liaise with the school and health visitor. They are also going to refer my eldest to the young carers association in our area for him to talk about how he is feeling.

My partner and I had a little chat and I now understand how hard it must have been for him holding everything together and staying calm and collected for the children's benefit. He is totally exhausted too. We are going to take baby steps to work though it together.

If in the future, if I'm finding things hard and I don't want to talk to people in real life then I will come to Mumsnet as it's been great to get instant support from kind strangers.

Relationships is usually a "kinder" section to post in, but glad you've had lots of support on here.

Glad your both been offered the support you need. Baby steps is the way to go. sounds very positive from a difficult place

Are you sure he is well himself? That's a lot to deal with, save he can't cope? Why don't you bring it up yourself?