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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dull food.

42 replies

Loveache · 04/09/2017 22:25

So it is transpiring that my DP can't cook. Together just over a year and been living together for three months. Same sex couple. She's vegetarian, I'm not, not a massive problem but admittedly a little tedious as she also won't touch anything spicy/salty/tasty and is frankly more of a carbivore than a veggie. When we moved in together I did most of the cooking because it was like a treat for me to do it (last place had kitchen that was basically unusable). However I'm a bit tired of being the one to look at what we have and create something and think ahead. It seems like she only knows how to make kids' food. Pasta in a sauce, bought pizza and grilled cheese toasties. All carb-heavy and not great choices. They have their place but everything is so bland and badly done. And I am so tired of enforced vegetarianism. Tonight's dinner was a bowl of overcooked pasta with a can of chopped tomatoes (and some garlic) chucked in. I'm fed up (and in pmt) and said so, asking her to make a bit more effort. I'm happy to teach, but the other party in all contexts has to want to learn. I think she's happy with toast and pasta tbh. I have rebelled and announced a strike. I am aware that there are plenty of people in this world who have nothing to eat and then feel guilty being ungrateful. Still fed up and hungry though. AIBU?

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 04/09/2017 22:27

Why not sign you both up for a local cookery course? They're great fun.

Crispbutty · 04/09/2017 22:27

Just cook for yourselves during the week and have what you want. Share at weekends.

Sparkletastic · 04/09/2017 22:30

My DH isn't as good a cook as me and can never think of any meal plans. I cook and he does other dull chores that I hate to compensate. Play to your strengths. Is money tight? If not get her to contribute takeaways or 'dine in for two' meal deals. You can have meat / fish dishes that way too.

Handsfull13 · 04/09/2017 22:31

YANBU I had this with my dp and it's annoying as hell. He only cooks pre packed stuff that goes in the oven set a timer and then take it out - job done. I don't mind cooking in fact I love it but only when the other people eating it enjoy the food. When we first met he only liked dull food but slowly I've converted him to flavours. He still can't do spicy but I don't mind, you can still cook mild food with flavour.
I don't have much advice other then maybe combining her boring food with something more exciting on the side for you. I think I read it correctly that you aren't actually a vegetarian so you could do yourself a spicy meatball to go with her pasta or something like that. If she doesn't put the effort in then she gets to plain and you get exciting.

FenceSitter01 · 04/09/2017 22:32

In most relationships people play to their strengths. I generally cook, but not always, he irons. I hate ironing with a passion, he likes to put his music on and boogie round the front room. At this point I go and do something in the garden as he doesn't know a pansy from a petunia.

Either cook for her or let her do her own toast. I wouldn't be living on pasta and meat free.

CrazyLittleCow · 04/09/2017 22:33

I do all the cooking in our house. DP does all the housework. How about a system like that?

Ttbb · 04/09/2017 22:35

Isn't she worried about getting fat? On diet like that the two of you are in a one way street to heart attack central.

CrazyLittleCow · 04/09/2017 22:36

What, from eating pasta? My 98 y old great gran has a huge bowl of pasta every night for dinner.

Hulder · 04/09/2017 22:37

DH can't cook. I tried teaching him but it was clear that was going to lead to divorce.

He now makes all breakfasts, all lunches (human and cat) and does all washing up. Which is great as I like cooking and hate mornings and washing up so now get all the lie ins and feel free to make as much mess as I like while cooking.

Both of us get to play to our strengths

Oh and Anna Jones vegetarian books are amazing. DH is a meat eater who doesn't do spicy and he loves her recipes.

Original poster

Loveache · 04/09/2017 22:39

Strangely enough she isn't a bit fat. I don't understand it either. 😂 (Neither am I fwiw, but all that pasta and bread is not for me). Fin. Strike!

OP posts:

ShapelyBingoWing · 04/09/2017 22:40

I think the healthy way forward is to divide the household labour differently. What chores could she do that would be roughly equivalent in workload to you doing the bulk of the evening cooking?

Getabloominmoveon · 04/09/2017 22:49

After 25 years of marriage, I agree with the 'play to strengths' line above. Part of the reason why my husband is an unimaginative and unmotivated cook is because food just isn't that important to him and is mostly fuel. He'd happily eat the same thing 4 nights on the trot, sometimes forgets to eat lunch, and - left to his own devices - will rustle up something quick, bland and filling like a sandwich or pasta & sauce. He is also a vegetarian but who'll eat a bit of meat now and then. By contrast I am a greedy pig who's always thinking about my next meal, loves reading recipes and going food-shopping and is devastated by a disappointing dinner. So I cook, mostly veggie these days as I know it's better for both of us and it's extending my repertoire. He cleans up (meticulously) and is thankful for my efforts. It works for us.

Original poster

Loveache · 04/09/2017 22:54

I get the division of labour thing. However, what do you do when you just don't have it in you to stand and make something and the other one can only produce something disappointing?
I've cooked 2 weeks on the trot and have to do a really good meal for her brother staying tomorrow. Starting my period and just wanted a rest this eve. Obviously a little crabby this eve...
I'd like her to learn, not be either on me or a delivery.

OP posts:

CrazyLittleCow · 04/09/2017 22:55

However, what do you do when you just don't have it in you to stand and make something and the other one can only produce something disappointing?

We get a takeaway or defrost a batch cooked freezer meal. Or put up with one dull meal.

CluelessMummy · 04/09/2017 23:00

What about getting some meal kits delivered? A different dinner every night and guaranteed to have lots of veggies in it. Easy to follow and you can take it in turns. We actually save money on food shopping this way as nothing goes to waste.

tallwivglasses · 04/09/2017 23:03

I learnt by being kitchen assistant to a great cooking dp. Having someone clear up as you go along and stir something while you chop is so much quicker and fun - put some music on! Do you think she'd be up for that?

Handsfull13 · 04/09/2017 23:05

What about meal prepping together and freezing it so all she has to do it heat it or cook it and it's nice food that's easy for someone who probably doesn't want to do much

Changeschangechangeagain · 04/09/2017 23:07

I would struggle in a relationship where the other person didn't have a wide variety in their diet. One of my ex's was a vegetarian/vegan - I was too at the time.

It was very tricky as he had a limited range. We ended up cooking separately. I tried to expand on what he did like and teach him - which went ok.

We did a few simple meals so we could at least share some food together.

ShapelyBingoWing · 04/09/2017 23:22

However, what do you do when you just don't have it in you to stand and make something and the other one can only produce something disappointing?

I do get this what with being perpetually single

But it really is just a case of either having a bit of a crappy tea those days or ordering a takeaway. I have quite a hectic life at the moment but some of the ready meals in Tesco's finest range are genuinely nice enough that I don't feel hard done by on rough days. And they do little mixed veg individual microwave steam pouches that are great too.

HelloBigWorld · 04/09/2017 23:48

Her diet is better for being meat free.

You'd probably have her eating steak and mince if you had your way which is terribly bad for you.

Leave her be and see to yourself.

SomeOtherFuckers · 05/09/2017 00:19

My DP isn't great at cooking ( though even he will throw some quorn escalopes, potato wedges and veg in the oven), so we decided I will do all the cooking ( tbf I love it) and in compensation the laundry is his job x

CoughLaughFart · 05/09/2017 00:44

I don't understand how, if you're doing all the cooking, you're dealing with 'enforced vegetarianism'?

AssassinatedBeauty · 05/09/2017 00:52

Why do you have to cook for her brother? If she cares what he is served then she needs to do it herself!

If you don't want to cook vegetarian food all the time then I would suggest thinking of meals where you can easily add meat that can be cooked separately. Or agree that for 2 days a week you each cook for yourselves and have what you want.

The overall issue that you have is that neither of you like or are content to cook for both of you. It's a lot easier when one person enjoys cooking and doesn't mind doing it for everyone. I don't think you're going to be able to force her to learn to cook if she's not interested. You might get somewhere if you both do a cookery course and view it as a fun joint activity, as a PP had suggested.

BackieJerkhart · 05/09/2017 01:09

I can't cook. I hate cooking. I will never enjoy it. I would happily do your laundry for life if you were to cook every evening meal (or accept that toasties and pasta are all you're ever going to get from me)

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 05/09/2017 01:22

I don't understand how, if you're doing all the cooking, you're dealing with 'enforced vegetarianism'?

Well, surely the fact that you're living with a DH/DW who's vegetarian, that means you cook veggie food?
The fact that she's vegetarian but won't eat anything spicy or salty either kind of narrows it down even further what to make.
I live with a veggie DH and this sounds even more grrrrr lol luckily mine likes curries etc

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