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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad over DM's response to this

53 replies

ginplease8383 · 04/09/2017 15:07

My DM, widowed around 18 months ago is in a new relationship. She's in her late 50s but I'd hope that wasn't relevant and that there were women in their 50s who didn't think like this.

My DH was ribbing me about my driving (I've damaged my car with branches driving down country lanes) and commented that he believed there was a study that proved in the whole, women have less spatial ability than men (no idea whether this is true or not- it was met with an eye roll and a sarky comeback).

DM pipes up and says "women don't need spatial awareness as we cuddle our husbands". I was a bit taken back but didn't say anything as DM has form for being v defensive and storming out if she's challenged on anything.

AIBU in feeling very sad about mum's response to this and I can't quite articulate why as it's on so many levels!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ginplease8383 · 04/09/2017 15:09

DM knows what spatial awareness is!!

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 04/09/2017 15:11

DM pipes up and says "women don't need spatial awareness as we cuddle our husbands

Eh?

I don't understand your mums statement at all Confused

Am I being thick??

Newyearnewbrain · 04/09/2017 15:12

Sorry not getting it either. What do you think she thought you were talking about?

TheEmmaDilemma · 04/09/2017 15:13

Is she not just trying to vocalize that perhaps you should let the little things go, as you don't know when you might lose someone?

TheVanguardSix · 04/09/2017 15:15

I don't get it either. Confused

teaandtoast · 04/09/2017 15:15

Not getting your mum's comment.

SheSaidHeSaid · 04/09/2017 15:15

I don't understand the comment either, sorry.

Imnotaslimjim · 04/09/2017 15:15

I think OP might be upset at her DM referring to new man as "husband"

I can kind of see where you're coming from OP

MorrisZapp · 04/09/2017 15:16

No clue. What do you think she meant?

MorrisZapp · 04/09/2017 15:17

Ah right the husband bit. OK, that is a bit odd.

PollyFlint · 04/09/2017 15:17

I don't understand the comment either, or what (beyond the obvious sexism, which is mildly irritating) has upset you quite so much.

Katescurios · 04/09/2017 15:19

I'm reading it as women don't need spatial awareness because we just snuggle up to our men while they do the driving or lead the way picking the most sensible route while we walk.

Stupid comment but I'd have probably just replied with a 'what are you mad or living in the past?' Kind of remark

XJerseyGirlX · 04/09/2017 15:21

Sorry OP you haven't explained this properly

did she refer to other man as "husband"?

Anecdoche · 04/09/2017 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhubardGin · 04/09/2017 15:24

Oh is it because she referred to her DP as husband?

I can see why it would sting after losing your Dad.

Sorry OP.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 04/09/2017 15:26

I don't get it either sorry.

FallingOrbit · 04/09/2017 15:26

Can't make head not tail of your mums comment. I think I read a study or two a while back confirming the spatial awareness differences between men and women, I'll see if I can dig it up in case you're interested.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 04/09/2017 15:28

But why would she have referred to her new dp as husband if they aren't married?

Original poster
ginplease8383 · 04/09/2017 15:30

No. I don't think she was referring to her new boyfriend as her DH. I think it was a default comment. I didn't get her comment either- I did ask her if she knew what we were talking about and she said 'yes of course I do'

I think I was more perplexed with

  1. Not everyone has a partner husband or a man in their life (as she well knows)
  2. She's living in the 1950s with that type of thinking - I think she meant 'we have our partners for protection'
OP posts:
Original poster
ginplease8383 · 04/09/2017 15:32

I think I'm a bit sad that feminism and being an independent person in her own right seems be be lost on her.

OP posts:
Decaffstilltastesweird · 04/09/2017 15:33

I think she meant 'we have our partners for protection'

Ew. Yanbu to find that a bit grim!

As in "why would we silly ladies need spatial awareness when our big, strong, clever men can take us everywhere"?

Anecdoche · 04/09/2017 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountFosco · 04/09/2017 15:35

I think I read a study or two a while back confirming the spatial awareness differences between men and women, I'll see if I can dig it up in case you're interested.

How men and women perform in spatial awareness tests depends on what they are told prior to the test. If they are told it tests the skills used in map reading or engineering men do better. If they are told it tests the skills used in dress making flower arranging women do better. Since spatial awareness is the test that shows the biggest sex difference it's quite telling about the whole gendered brain bollocks that the results can be reversed by priming the participants on which stereotype they have to perform to.

RhubardGin · 04/09/2017 15:35

So woman don't need to be good drivers because they can cuddle their husbands?

What a bizarre comment Confused

missyB1 · 04/09/2017 15:35

Yeah it was a bit weird and very old fashioned thinking, I would have been tempted to tell her that the 1950s called and asked her to come back.
Hopefully she doesn't really believe that kind of crap.