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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was over reacting?

63 replies

Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 14:45

Not sure which of us was being unreasonable? Appreciate the responses in case it was actually me??

OK, so my mum and dad are sorting out some legal paperwork for wills etc, and my siblings and I have to sign paperwork for it. The paperwork was sent to me 2 weeks ago, for me to read, research, get a solicitor to check etc, then sign. Unfortunately with it being the summer holidays and a few other things it slipped my mind. My parents then came over today and told me due to the fact that I haven't signed the form yet they are removing me as a Trustee on their estate and just having my siblings because 'if you can't sign a form quickly, how can we trust you to do other things regarding the house?'. I was upset and said I was sorry, I had forgotten, had a lot on etc, but I would do my best to do it today. Apparently, that was too late, I was also told that if I was sent another letter due to the delay, I would have to pay an £80 fine. I said OK. This was all quite upsetting and my children were present. I asked them to stop talking about this, when they didn't I asked them to go. My dad continued on with the argument so I took the children upstairs. He continued shouting so from upstairs I asked them to leave, which finally they did.
This is all very upsetting, and seems like an over reaction to not signing a form promptly. There was no deadline, no rush needed. So what I would like to know is, did it warrant that reaction???

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/09/2017 14:47

How could you just forget on something so important? I see their point. Yes they should have handled it better, but seriously. You just forgot?

DoJo · 04/09/2017 14:48

Are your parents usually like this?! Sounds like you might be better off out of it! Having said that, your approach of the bring Boo deadline and no need to rush did suggest that you aren't considering that this might be important to them to get done. When I was in a similar situation, waiting for my brother to sign firms, it did add to the costs as details had to be updated once he had completed the form, so my parents had to pay more for the delay he caused.

Soubriquet · 04/09/2017 14:49

I think your parents are massively over reacting

Ok yes it's annoying when people forget to sign important things but these things happen.

I have a terrible memory and would have to be punished like this over it.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 04/09/2017 14:49

What is the fine for? And why didn't they call you earlier to remind you?

DoJo · 04/09/2017 14:49
  • there being no deadline
Original poster
Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 14:50

Yes I did just forget. I didn't mean to. Lots going on, and it just slipped my mind. I don't have a great memory at the best of times.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 04/09/2017 14:51

We've just re-done our wills, I have to say it's not something you want to dwell on and drag out, and I can understand their frustration that it "slipped your mind" if everything else was sorted and in place, and they were just waiting in you to do your bit.

Having said that their reaction, the shouting, was a bit OTT. I can understand removing you as a trustee though, you're not reliable enough.

Boatmistress17 · 04/09/2017 14:51

Sounds like you have had a lucky escape from dealing with any future drama.
Leave them to it. .

livefornaps · 04/09/2017 14:52

Are you always the one forgetting things? Seems like a major overreaction on their part if there is no back story. They were probably keen to have it all sorted for their own peace of mind. Somehow I think we are missing the full picture...

Original poster
Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 14:52

Everytime a letter is sent it costs £80. They reminded me Saturday but neighbours weren't around to witness (has to be a non family member), was seeing a friend today so was going to do it then. My parents are generally what Mumsnet likes to call 'Drama Llamas'.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 04/09/2017 14:54

I'm with them to be honest, you sound a bit disorganized. I'm not sure how you can really be held responsible for paying any fine though when you haven't even signed anything!

MuddlingMackem · 04/09/2017 14:55

Actually, I think they WBU due to the timing.

If all you had to do was read and sign then fair enough, you should have made time, but having to consult a solicitor whilst kids are on holiday is an unreasonable request, especially if your children are too young to be left home alone.

Do either of your siblings have children, as if they don't it won't really have registered with any of them that the timing was really bad for you.

Original poster
Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 14:55

OK I'm starting to think that maybe I was in the wrong.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 04/09/2017 14:56

Saved you a lot of hassle. The worst thing I ever did was agree to be responsible for an elderly relatives affairs. I ended up doing all the work, running round and getting abuse from all sides. I think you should thank your lucky stars.

StarHeartDiamond · 04/09/2017 14:57

Did you speak to your parents in the two weeks? Did they mention it, or did you? Have you forgotten to do other essential tasks in the family before and so this is the last straw? Do you lean on them financially or for bail outs? Are you generally responsible and organised or do you only remember to do the things you want to do?

All of that would have an influence on whether it was an over reaction or exasperated parents annoyed at your ducking out of getting something done you'd promised to do.

Original poster
Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 14:57

One sibling has children and one doesn't. It probably sounds like an excuse but I have quite a demanding and responsible job, so what with the children and that, I think my headspace was taken up with that.

OP posts:
XJerseyGirlX · 04/09/2017 14:57

Sorry im with them too. You do sound disorganised and if the siblings were able to adhere to the deadline I can see why they would be more trusted.

Its less for you to deal with anyway as you don't seem to have the time OP

PoppyH56 · 04/09/2017 14:58

The reaction is definitely OTT but 2 weeks is a long time to go without filling in the paperwork and forgetting about it. If you were reminded on Saturday I would've made it my aim to get it done on that day.
Forgetfulness is the trait I dislike the most in others though as I've been pushed to my limit many times with an over forgetful OH and it drives me mad so maybe I'm just biased. X

RhubardGin · 04/09/2017 14:59

was seeing a friend today so was going to do it then

But you said in your OP that you had forgotten and when they prompted you, you said you would "try your best to do it today" so were you planning to sign it today?

Bit of a coincidence that you forgot for 2 weeks then on the day they come round you were planning to sign it.

Sorry OP, I don't mean to nit pick, it's just a bit contradictory.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/09/2017 14:59

I'm with your parents on this.

They did remind you and you still didn't do it.

Original poster
Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 14:59

I'm generally a very responsible person. I never rely on them. I'm certainly not a disappointment to them or anything. My husband and I are very self sufficient, we don't really rely on them for much to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 15:01

Sorry, I wasn't clear.....they reminded me Saturday. None of the neighbours were in so I planned to do it today. They didn't know this, so why I told them today it looked like I hadn't even Bern thinking about it (although I had).

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 04/09/2017 15:05

Yes, they were OTT but you were irresponsible OP and need to consider the cost and stress involved. Writing up a will can be very emotional. So consider where your aging parents are at. They need to trust you. You need to show them that they can.

Your dad was unreasonable. But if this is how you roll, a little on the flaky side maybe you need to work on that. Listen, I'm a card carrying member of the flake club for the same reasons as you- busy, forgetful, knackered, totally stretched over summer hols with kids. Shit happens and your parents need to understand this. But the thing is, it is flaky to have neglected something so important. Your message is: It's not important enough to me. That's what they read through your actions, or lack of. There's no excusing it. If it's a recurring theme between you and your parents, maybe you could work on being more on top of the vital stuff.

RhubardGin · 04/09/2017 15:05

So why didn't you just tell them you were meeting a friend to do it today?

All sounds a bit odd.

I do agree with your parents though, sorry.

rookiemere · 04/09/2017 15:07

I can see both sides but am more veering towards YANBU.

Of course their will is important, but they are presumably retired with not too many pulls on their time.

On the other hand you are extremely busy, and it doesn't sound like a 5 minute job , so I can see why it slipped your mind. I prioritise because I have to and I'd likely not put that to the too of the pile either.

They do sound a bit overreacting so I'd probably bite the bullet and pay the money and do what needs to be done, otherwise they may just cut you out of the will (sorry to be mercenary).