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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who was over reacting?

63 replies

Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 14:45

Not sure which of us was being unreasonable? Appreciate the responses in case it was actually me??

OK, so my mum and dad are sorting out some legal paperwork for wills etc, and my siblings and I have to sign paperwork for it. The paperwork was sent to me 2 weeks ago, for me to read, research, get a solicitor to check etc, then sign. Unfortunately with it being the summer holidays and a few other things it slipped my mind. My parents then came over today and told me due to the fact that I haven't signed the form yet they are removing me as a Trustee on their estate and just having my siblings because 'if you can't sign a form quickly, how can we trust you to do other things regarding the house?'. I was upset and said I was sorry, I had forgotten, had a lot on etc, but I would do my best to do it today. Apparently, that was too late, I was also told that if I was sent another letter due to the delay, I would have to pay an £80 fine. I said OK. This was all quite upsetting and my children were present. I asked them to stop talking about this, when they didn't I asked them to go. My dad continued on with the argument so I took the children upstairs. He continued shouting so from upstairs I asked them to leave, which finally they did.
This is all very upsetting, and seems like an over reaction to not signing a form promptly. There was no deadline, no rush needed. So what I would like to know is, did it warrant that reaction???

OP posts:

Original poster

Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 15:07

Sounds like I am the one in the wrong. Thanks for the responses. Will try harder to stay on top of things.

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 04/09/2017 15:08

Sorry to say it but, I'd be frustrated with you doing nothing

Gemini69 · 04/09/2017 15:10

Your better off not being an Trustee ... they are correct .. if you cannot remember to sign a Form which costs them £80 to send out again.. then you're not right for the role... and that's alot of money... to be chucking away to forgetfulness

DopeyDazy · 04/09/2017 15:10

Effectively they are preparing for their death its a bit important to them really

RideOn · 04/09/2017 15:14

Well if you have a demanding job, your husband works and you have younger children then maybe you dont need to take on something like this at this time.

However the shouting and drama was OTT. YANBU they hadnt said, it needs to be in by X date, I would have thought there was no particular time limit on something like this.

diddl · 04/09/2017 15:16

If you really needed to research & see a solicitor then I don't think that 2wks is that long-although your siblings managed!

Were you initially told how important it was that the deaadline was met?

Lweji · 04/09/2017 15:17

they reminded me Saturday. None of the neighbours were in so I planned to do it today. They didn't know this

Didn't you tell them you planned to do it Monday when they reminded you on Saturday?
If not, why not?

Anecdoche · 04/09/2017 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 04/09/2017 15:19

Think yabu, this was important so not suprised they're a little upset over it.

RainbowPastel · 04/09/2017 15:23

You were in the wrong. This should have been a priority.

gluteustothemaximus · 04/09/2017 15:25

Sounds like I am the one in the wrong.

Has no one ever forgotten anything? Even something important?

OP - Their reaction was WAY over the top. Are you a child they can shout at? Or a fully grown adult who made a MISTAKE (not that you should shout at a child either).

I can be forgetful as I have tonnes of stuff to do with work and 3 children. My parents would have reacted like this too.

No it didn't warrant that reaction.

Original poster

Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 15:35

Thank you GluteusToTheMaximus. Having children on school hols plus a demanding job, plus normal everyday life stuff just pushed it off my 'priority list'. I know it was wrong to forget but sometimes you just can't help it.

OP posts:

Lweji · 04/09/2017 15:42

Anyone can forget, but why didn't you tell them you'd do it Monday when they reminded you on Saturday?

Communication is important and it seems to me that you missed that part too.

Original poster

Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 15:47

I didn't tell them I was going to do it Monday because I was planning to do it Saturday after they spoke to me. Then none of the neighbours were in. I should have told them this though, I accept that.

OP posts:

mariacornish · 04/09/2017 16:04

It sounds Ned like you're better if out if it, especially if they're going to start tantrums and have to be asked to leave.

I was persuaded to be a trustee for an elderly relative a year or so ago. Apparently it would just be overseeing a small investment for her sons on which she was taken professional advice, so I agreed. She is constantly fiddling with the fucking investment and I have a new form to read, check details I'm not sure of, sign and have witnesses about once a month. I'd be delighted to be fired as a trustee!

TheEmmaDilemma · 04/09/2017 16:10

YABU. And I say this as someone who's mother lost her shit with me recently because I took ages to send the POA docs to my next sister and then stupidly had still missed one signature. It was costing her time and money essentially.

rookiemere · 04/09/2017 16:16

I think it's a bit of a red herring to say that you wouldn't make a good trustee if you can't handle this in a timely fashion.

In that case the sad event would have happened so there would actually be a reason to deal with things in a speedy fashion. Here your parents have chosen the timeline and by default you're forced to deal with a complex paper signing during a busy period. We're all human and sometimes we forget things ( and I tend to focus first on the time critical stuff like getting everyone where they need to be, feeding, clothing etc)

Whatever the rights and wrongs of it, they shouldn't be shouting in front of their GCs about it.

Whinesalot · 04/09/2017 16:22

Maybe you could have been quicker and maybe it wouldn't Bu for them to moan at you but their reaction was way OTT.

In essence YANBU

misshelena · 04/09/2017 16:28

Their reaction seems harsh, unless it was "the last straw" type of thing.

Ellisandra · 04/09/2017 16:34

Oh come on - what letter costs £80? A reminder - when they reminded you? A new copy - when you haven't lost yours.

They were totally OTT and absolutely not on to shout at you. Do they like to find reasons to have a go at you?

If I had clearly told you I needed it back on x date and you'd agreed, id be irritated. But that's all. If you were always like this, I'd not have asked, or would have given you an extra reminder.

You're doing them a favour.
Fuck 'em. Let them find another trustee. Absolutely no excuse for shouting at you in front of your children.

I do think you should have remembered - if you have a bad memory as you say, you need to do things like that immediately or become a post it on the fridge queen.

But I cannot think of any time when it would be OK to shout at you in front of your kids over it.

Original poster

Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 16:43

My parents do like to make a big deal of things. Simple things like arranging a time to go a see them requires military precision sometimes, so they can be difficult in that way. I think that everything is such a 'big deal' to them that I've become a bit immune to them saying something is important, because according to them, everything is. They are both retired and don't have much going on apart from this, so I don't think they appreciate how hard the last few weeks has been. Also, I don't know how long it took siblings to sign the form as it has been passed on to each in turn. So posted to one, signed, posted to the other and the posted to me. If that makes sense.

OP posts:

Original poster

Celestia26 · 04/09/2017 17:35

My sister has just told me she took 3 weeks to sign hers!

OP posts:

PollyFlint · 04/09/2017 17:42

It's a bit annoying when people don't get round to doing stuff and two weeks seems like a reasonable amount time, but the correct reaction to this should be mild irritation prodding reminder that the solicitor charges £80 to send out another letter, not a massive shouting match and ridiculous dramatic gestures like removing you as a trustee.

You were very slightly unreasonable although also busy and had good intentions. Your parents were ridiculously unreasonable and can piss off.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 04/09/2017 17:45

It may well be annoying when someone doesn't do something as quickly as you'd like but it doesn't warrant ranting and raving in your house to the point you have to ask them to leave!

They completely overreacted Op. Honestly if it was important that it all be done by X date they should have told you at the time ffs. Lots of perfect people on MN of course but I can assure you you're not the only person who's had something slip their mind between juggling home, job and kids.

Witsender · 04/09/2017 17:46

They were way OTT. And I would be none too happy at that behaviour in my house tbh.

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