AIBU to ask DS to cook dinner

[NachoAddict]

Ds is 12 and st going into second year of high school.

I am a single mum of three and work 30 hours which means one day a week I don't get home until gone 6. on that day DS lets himself in after school.

So WIBU to ask him to cook dinner for the family on that day? He is fairly comfortable in the kitchen as in he can make pasta and sauce, cheese on toast, bacon & eggs etc but only ever cooks for himself.

I was thinking that he could start off with easy things like frozen chicken and chips, pizza, sausage & Mash and progress on as I teach him. We are talking Spag Bol, Chilli, Jerk chicken, Pasta bake, nothing too difficult.

I can't decide if it is a good idea or me shirking my responsibilities and I should let him be a kid.

I would still cook fresh meals from scratch the rest of the week.

Of course he should, it'll be good for him (maybe let him off the washing up that night though).
Yanbu, sticking some jacket spuds in the oven, adding some sausages a bit later and opening a tin of beans will take 10 minutes (this is DD's go to meal when she gets the tea on for me and DP, although she's progressed very nicely to a chicken tray bake thingy which is also dead easy).

Just be aware even something like spag bol can take quite a while if you are new to it. Loads of people don't cook "from scratch" every night. Keep it realistic and follow what he's interested in learning.

I think jerk chicken from scratch is quite a lot of faff for a 12 year old. It might be totally trivial for you to chop 6 chillis, garlic, onion etc but those skills take time to develop.

"Does he enjoy cooking? If he's happy to do it then let him, if he doesn't like it you might have a bit more difficulty asking him to do it."

Do you think the OP skips into the kitchen every night with glad cries of delight?

I cooked once a week for my family at this age, by the time I left school I was cooking 5 nights a week. I really enjoy cooking though so it probably makes a difference.

When I left home my sister took up the mantel, and then my bro.

We are quite a foodie family and all enjoyed pitching in together so it was never a big deal for us, and it was never forced and my parents would always pitch in if they were about. They usually got in at 6 ish and we liked to eat together as a family.

A 12 year old should definitely be mucking in for the household, whether it's gardening, hoovering or cooking.

In this case, you need him to cook once per week, so that's what he should do.

Totally fine.
Ds1&2ish both cook for the family.
Ds1 with no assistance (except me shopping)
Ds2 with supervision.

They are 13&11

If he did nothing more than stock jacket potatoes in the oven then added chicken kievs 20 minutes before eating he wouldn't be far off!!

I agree with one of the PP that cooking is a life skill.

And 12 isn't that young. Once he knows the basic safety standards ie: don't put water on a fat fire etc, which its sounds like he does if he's cooking for himself, he just needs to increase quantities.

Not U in the slightest, though I've learned the hard way with my own 12yo DS not to give him a recipe and assume he can just tackle it. Start teaching him when you're around how to do basic tasks, and basic safety. Then give him a step-by-step recipe for a proper, balanced meal to prepare from scratch while you're around to answer questions, but not hovering over him - stay in another room getting something else done that can tolerate you being interrupted from time to time every 10 minutes. When he gets some confidence he can do it on his own. In the meantime, while you're helping him to get that confidence, let him do simpler, pasta-with-jarred-sauce-or-jacket-potato meals.

This summer I had my DS12 and DD10 prepare a good few of our dinners. DH and I were at home but renovating our loft, so we were in the house but not hovering. While DS's shepherd's pie was on the table more than an hour after I would normally serve dinner (he hadn't realised that the potatoes should have been cooking WHILE the lamb mince was stewing), and the potatoes were a little lumpy, knowing I had rollered almost the whole loft and NOT cooked dinner made for one of the best meals I've ever had, and I told him.

We had an au pair a few years ago who came to us without much in the way of cooking skills, but I taught her some of the stuff I make and gave her a cookbook when she left. When we next saw her she told me her flatmates were so hopeless in the kitchen that they would pay for her share of the groceries if she'd cook. It was a bargain she was happy to make - it's not just good for attracting a partner!

And sorry, don't mean to hijack the thread by going off-topic, but to me a phone is a luxury for any child, even if they are in secondary school. It is perfectly reasonable to expect a child/teenager to earn the privilege, and contributing to the household by cooking dinner from time is a great way to do it.

Definitely not unreasonable, perfect age!

That's a relief that I don't seem to be unreasonable.

The younger two DC are in childcare after school so he isn't looking after them.

DD is 9 so will have her turn when she gets older, then I get two nights off, sounds great! DD and DS take one turn each week at washing up and they put their own clothes away. The youngest is a fair bit younger but he has a go at his washing.

Definitely not unreasonable at all OP. It's something we all have to learn and 12 is a reasonable age. I am surprised that anybody could think it's too young to be honest.

Do you think the OP skips into the kitchen every night with glad cries of delight? That did make me laugh Bertrand