AIBU to ask DS to cook dinner

[NachoAddict]

Ds is 12 and st going into second year of high school.

I am a single mum of three and work 30 hours which means one day a week I don't get home until gone 6. on that day DS lets himself in after school.

So WIBU to ask him to cook dinner for the family on that day? He is fairly comfortable in the kitchen as in he can make pasta and sauce, cheese on toast, bacon & eggs etc but only ever cooks for himself.

I was thinking that he could start off with easy things like frozen chicken and chips, pizza, sausage & Mash and progress on as I teach him. We are talking Spag Bol, Chilli, Jerk chicken, Pasta bake, nothing too difficult.

I can't decide if it is a good idea or me shirking my responsibilities and I should let him be a kid.

I would still cook fresh meals from scratch the rest of the week.

Definitely get him cooking.

Once my mum went to work full time (when we were around 13/14), she made it very clear she would not be cooking as soon as she walked in from work and that me and my twin sister were able to cook for the family, so we cooked two meals a week each and Mum cooked on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

It's an invaluable life skill and there are LOADS of websites and books with kid-friendly recipes for kids just starting out on cooking.

I think he's too young, sorry. I wouldn't trust my 12 year old in the kitchen alone - boiling water/fire...no thanks.

And if he is a bit reluctant, tell him being able to cook is VERY attractive to the ladies (or the chaps, if he's so inclined).

Putting something in the oven before you get in is him doing his bit means you eat earlier if he is fine in the kitchen let him get on with it make sure he knows about portions though first time 1 of mine made us tea she used 1.5 bags of pasta for 4 people

with my supervision, definitely!

YANBU. He is old enough to cook one meal a week and help out.

Tbh I think he should be supervised for some time before being expected to cook the family a meal. Not sure what the problem is with you not getting home until after 6? It's not really late!

He can learn to cook no problem - but tell him what to do in an emergency.

If he is also looking after younger siblings then perhaps too much but you may have them in childcare and they come home with you?

You are responsible for him and his actions/accidents so lots of early guidance - some are responsible at that age and others not so -

I think it's a great idea but if you have younger children, I would also give them age appropriate tasks to do so he doesn't feel as though he's being 'picked on' because he's the oldest. Yes, speaking from experience here!

My ds1 is 14 and has been cooking once a week since he was 13. In return I pay his £12 a month phone bill. I always let him pick what he wants to cook so then he has more of an interest. He's cooking Shepard pie tonight and I can't wait he's a fantastic cook

Sounds fine to me.

Where are your other kids after school? If your son is also keeping an eye on them and has to cook as well, that could be quite a challenge for a 12 year old, but if he's in the house alone I'm sure he'll be fine cooking a simple dinner if you have a few practice runs.

It seems a bit unfair to expect him to shoulder that kind of responsibility. If he wants to do it that is one thing but if he doesn't you shouldn't force him. Maybe it would be more appropriate to make sonething the night before that can be eaten cold/to ask him to heat it up.

It was £12 it went up to £20 when he turned 14

Brilliant idea. Gets him used to it and used to the fact that family life needs teamwork. Any future partner will thank you for it!

My mother used to pay me to cook dinner once per week... Not saying that is right, just that she did! As she wasn't a single mother and if home from work my father would be sitting on his arse reading the paper and never so much as made a slice of toast it was a different scenario from the single mother one!

I work shifts and my nearly 12 year old often chooses to cook when I'm working, and my 10 year old often makes everyone toasted sandwiches - he still prefers me in the kitchen when he cooks "properly" ... DH gets home at 5pm though so even if I'm on a late there isn't any actual need to cook, they choose to. DH probably cooks 50% of the time I am not home, and the kids the other 50% between them.

My worry as an eldest child myself would be that the cooking falls on his shoulders permanently - even when his younger siblings are 12 they still get away with doing nothing. That was how it was when I was growing up - I did domestic chores but when my younger siblings reached the age that I'd started at they didn't have to share the load, it continued to be all on me.

So if his younger siblings are anywhere near his age (not toddlers) be very clear they'll be expected to do the same once they hit 12, and follow through on that.

He's more than capable, but just don't make him default second adult while the younger siblings do nothing (unless there is a huge age gap and they are babies / toddlers obviously!)

In return I pay his £12 a month phone bill

I don't think a mobile is a luxury for a secondary age child, don't you want them to keep in touch with you? I think it's a good idea for kids to cook, but I would not make having a mobile phone dependent on it (or some other chore).

I think a 12 year old is perfectly capable of putting a pan of water on to boil for pasta without doing anything silly (although I might be less keen if it's a gas stove/oven).

I think it's a great idea for just once a week. My 11 yo ds has just started cooking and now makes pasta bake for all of us if I'm going to be late home. He enjoys feeling independent but would probably get fed up if it was every night.

Not sure what the problem is with you not getting home until after 6? It's not really late!

If the OP gets home 'after' 6 then realistically she isn't going to have dinner on the table until around 7pm and the family probably won't have finished eating until coming up for 8pm - and she has two other children so if they are younger, that could actually be quite a late dinner and bedtime for them.

I do think some people are worrying a bit too much - OP isn't asking him to cook coq au vin or a ten-course corden-bleu feast.

It is not difficult to cook pasta and a jar of sauce with some chicken, or make sausage, boiled potatoes and beans. Plenty of simple meals.

It's a simple meal one evening a week Ttbb so not a huge amount of responsibility. As regards only if he wants to I'm afraid I wouldn't agree with that. There are lots of things we all have to do whether we feel like it or not and imo 12 is a perfectly reasonable age to take on a small amount of responsibility as part of the household.

I think 12 is a perfect age to learn to start mucking in with the family.

Teaching him to cook and letting him do a family meal once a week is a great idea and a good introduction into the sort of things that go into running a household.

Go and look at the Examples of Unbelievable Naivety thread to see what happens when children aren't taught to cook/fend for themselves!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3014775-Examples-of-unbeliable-naivety

I'm thinking it's a great life skill but until you know he's competent it should be when you're in the house, just in case of problems. Hot water and fire are the obvious hazards.

When you're sure he can do it safely then yes that's fine.

I think it's perfectly fine as long as he is sensible and has had some practice beforehand.

I'd also make sure he knows what to do if the grill catches fire, (make sure you have fireblanket) or he scalds himself (lots of cold water) or cuts himself (apply pressure etc).

He has to learn sometime.