Late miscarriage, uni and mitigating circumstances. AIBU?

[TippyTinkleTrousers]

I've never had to submit mitigating circumstances before so I don't know if I'm BU or not.

I had a late miscarriage slap bang in the middle of an assignment. I developed a horrible reactive depression and couldn't even get out of bed, not to mention the fact that I was mourning the death of my baby boy.

I spoke to my personal tutor who suggested submitting mitigating circumstances in case I spectacularly screw up the essay. I did, gave the reason - late miscarriage and put with it the medical notes to prove that it happened.

I get an email back from the course leader rejecting it because information is missing.

Apparently I need to go into detail as to how this affected me.

I don't want to go into detail as to how it affected me, I'm trying to heal and move on. I really don't want to write down how fuckinf devastating and painful it was to see my dead baby.

Should it it not speak for itself?!

I am so sorry for your loss, a late miscarriage is horrible, I was depressed for a very long time after mine. Are you having bereavement/grief counselling? Have you contacted The Miscarriage Association or SANDS? You might find it helps?
Physical effects aside, I am shocked that you are on a nursing course (albeit child nursing) and yet it seems the person asking for more detail of your mitigating circumstances doesn't seem to understand the long-lasting after-effects a late miscarriage can have. 9 weeks and 1 day is no time to have recovered from the effects yet, to my mind, and it must have been much closer to the event when you put in your application for mitigating circumstances.
I wish you well in getting help from your personal tutor and completing the form to the satisfaction of the course leader. I do hope you find yourself on the road to recovery soon, but it is very natural to become depressed after such a traumatic event, so please don't think there is something wrong with you for not bouncing back as if everything was hunky-dory, immediately.

It's a grim and unpleasant system. I've gone through life events both at undergraduate and doctoral stages.

A medical letter from a GP confirming your late miscarriage and the completely normal distress/ depression should absolutely suffice. 😦

If it doesn't please contact your SU to advocate on your behalf.

I had to go through similar on my course... They were appalling in their lack of sensitivity... It did come right though.

Don't underestimate the trauma you will be experiencing... Nursing can really take it out of you too... You're suffering a completely normal grief reaction.

Don't be harried into re commencing your studies... If you were working I think you would be entitled to take a full year out...

I left my MSC for pretty much the same reasons. I had no support. When I was struggling after it happened I went to a meeting with a few of the staff and one woman said "but that was a month ago now". Totally dismissed it. Only one person of the 4 staff in that room was maybe 25% understanding. I couldn't face it anymore and left. They all made me feel like I was skiving or something. Really really awful.
So sorry for your terrible loss. It's the worst pain you can imagine. Sometimes too much to bare. for you xxx

Unfortunately forms like this have usually happened after an insane amount of piss taking from students earlier - you do get a lot of people coming out with some completely self - diagnosed daftness - and then you end up with a form demanding this kind of information.

Tutor was the right thing to do - also ask the SU to look into this. It might be that you just need a sentence that says "and that meant I was unable to complete the assignment due to physical issues and mental distress."

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine. However, during my PhD I had to apply for mit circ, due to my depression and anxiety. I also had problems with my asthma flaring up. I had to provide so much evidence, and they constantly asked me why I didn't seek much help for my depression. It was easy to state that the mental health clinic on campus was full for the entire year, there weren't any appointments. As a self funded PhD student, I just couldn't afford private counselling. Luckily my PhD supervisors were a bit understanding, and the health centre on campus vouched that my asthma alone would have met the requirements. But, it meant that I was in limbo wondering if I'd get the extension on my upgrade, or if I'd fail my PhD. It was a horrible experience, I never want to go through this again.
The University was so uncaring and unyielding on this, it wouldn't surprise me if your department and tutor were asking for more details because they know the University will be really picky about it.

I am seeing a counsellor, I really was a rock bottom at one point and she has helped immensely.

I'm currently on the early pregnancy ward because I have retained products oh joy.

The uni did offer to take time off but found that time on my own meant too much time in my own head and made my depression worse. The placement I'm at at the moment is lovely. Is community based so a lot less pressure than wards. It was good timing really.

Thanks for the support.

First of all I am so so sorry for your loss.
A few years ago I was studying for a masters and was pregnant. I had a late missed miscarriage a about a week before exams and open assignments had to be completed. I was at rock bottom too. I scanned and emailed all of my hospital notes which were pretty detailed. I had a reply within a few hours that I could defer everything.

Good luck and take care of yourself. Xxx