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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to pay for dp car?

42 replies

JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 18:15

After being a sahm for the past 3 years I have finally started work again, and I'm loving it. When I wasn't working I had no money at all for myself or the bills I needed to pay which were in my name (Catalogues etc) that we were both using.

I booked us cheapy holiday and we go next week, dp car is buggered so we're having to get a taxi to the airport. I've been saving whatever I can these last few weeks to pay bills and for money while we are away. Dp has done a food shop, brought odds n sods this weekend and paid his car finance, petrol etc. I get paid the day before we go away.

Dp has just said will you have money to fix my car? It needs 101 things doing to it and I don't know how he thinks I'm going to afford it, from now until we go away I have to pay all bills rent/sky/£200 taxi to the airport and spending money to go away with!

I know couples put all money together but since working I am massively begrudging paying stuff for him, I'm probably being out of order but when I was at home I constantly had to ask him to pay the bills let alone throw me a tenner to buy myself some clothes! I've ended up in so much debt which finally I'm able to clear! He also has a spare car which he uses for work which I said he can use until we can properly afford to fix his petrol rinsing thingHmm.

Aibu? I don't know what to suggest as I'm paying for everything coming up an not sure if I'll be able to afford it!

OP posts:
RonSwansonsMoustache · 03/09/2017 18:17

Why have you stayed with someone who refused to pay joint bills and catalogues, and allowed you to get into debt while you sacrificed your career to raise BOTH of your children?

He sounds selfish at best, financially abusive at worst. LTB.

honeylulu · 03/09/2017 18:27

Well if he wouldn't share then that sets the tone really.
But how come he has two cars and you (presumably) have none? I agree that he should use the other car.
But do you get to use/drive/benefit from the use of the car, and did you while you were a SAHM? If so maybe a contribution from you would be appropriate. But it's out of order to expect you to shell out for everything now you're working - I assume he is too.

Leo10 · 03/09/2017 18:28

"Er NO. Your car your problem."

honeylulu · 03/09/2017 18:30

Actually why has he stopped posting any bills now you have a job?

honeylulu · 03/09/2017 18:30

Arghh paying not posting!

ChickenBhuna · 03/09/2017 18:33

Why can't he pay for the car repair?

Iamtheresurrection · 03/09/2017 18:35

£200 for a taxi to the airport!??

Original poster
JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 18:35

I can't drive so can't use the cars. He does help out with the bills strangely enough even more so since I've been working, he will pay the rent every other week or so. And then his car etc.

Rons I don't really know. A few times I've thought about ending it, even more so now I have my own money and how he used to say he was going to move out every other week, then tells me once I've started working I'm acting different. I think he loved that I relied on him and was desperate for him not to move out and have to go on benefits. I would of been better of claiming looking back! It's just the unknown I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 18:37

He's saying he's spent money this weekend, but is now saying if he keeps the £200 he has in his account and the money he will get paid on Friday he might be able to pay it but am I not willing to help him out?

So either way I'll either be paying for everything or everything and giving him a bit for his car.

OP posts:
RonSwansonsMoustache · 03/09/2017 18:38

He sounds horrendous, honestly.

You deserve so much better than someone like that. You work now - go and be independent and rid yourself of this useless lump of a man.

Original poster
JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 18:38

Yep, it was the cheapest we could find. We only live just over an hour away too

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 03/09/2017 18:41

Two hundred quid for a taxi?!
Can't you get there by train or coach?

Neverknowing · 03/09/2017 18:44

Why can't he use the other car? He sounds very financially abusive and money is only family money when it suits him. Stick to yourself and save enough to leave him.

Copperspot · 03/09/2017 18:46

Honestly, your relationship sounds messed up.

You had to beg him for a tenner and you got in debt paying bills? Now he wants your money for his car?

Go it alone and be in control of your life

ShitOrBust · 03/09/2017 18:48

Fuckin' hell. Where did you find him?
back on the rubbish tip he should go.
Ltb.

Mellington · 03/09/2017 18:50

He would rather spend £200 on a taxi than drive his spare car? £200 that could be put towards car repairs?

You both seem to have an odd financial set up, neither of you seem to share or have family money. How long has this been going on for?

HundredMilesAnHour · 03/09/2017 18:51

Sorry but this all sounds very weird. If he earns so little, how did you manage as a SAHM (or was getting into debt the only option?)? Why do you have 2 cars if only one of you drives? Why on earth would you book a holiday that requires a £200 taxi?? Especially if money is an issue (which it seems to be). Are you both low earners or is it he spending his money just on himself? Sorry, it all sounds very confusing and like you need to sit down and have an adult conversation about finances together.

JigglyTuff · 03/09/2017 18:52

You ended up in debt staying at home to look after his kids while he runs two cars?

Christ, he really saw you coming :(

ChickenBhuna · 03/09/2017 18:53

The organisation of your finances sound very haphazard op!

If you're a family unit there are better ways that are much fairer. For example my DP and I put our joint wages in a metaphorical pot , pay all bills , keep all family money in our joint savings account (shopping , kids entertainment budget etc) then split what's left between us and we spend that on whatever we want.

Might be worth a try.

LisaMed1 · 03/09/2017 18:55

Hire cars are reasonably priced

BackieJerkhart · 03/09/2017 18:55

When I wasn't working I had no money at all for myself or the bills I needed to pay which were in my name (Catalogues etc) that we were both using.

So how were they being paid?

louisejxxx · 03/09/2017 18:56

I agree with pp - I'm very confused about what's going where! I take it your rent is weekly? Why don't you have a joint bank account where everything is pooled? I know it's not the be all and end all of life to have one, but when people are living pay day to pay day I think it's just naive not to do have one!

Original poster
JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 18:57

I didn't say he didn't earn much? We managed fine when I was at home, he would get behind on paying the bills though, and wouldn't pay things that were in my name which we both used. Most of the bills are in my name so I'd be constantly having to ask him oh can you pay the water tv etc. I'm sure he thought all we had to pay is rent and he even paid that late.

The holiday was booked before his car buggered up, he doesn't want to take the spare car as he thinks it's a liability and once petrol and paying for parking he doesn't think paying for a taxi would cost a great deal more.

Backie they weren't being paid, I'd have £20 child benefit a week which I'd try and stick on whatever I could.

OP posts:
smellybeanpole · 03/09/2017 18:58

£200 for a taxiShock where do you live ? Let me find something cheaper for you if I can. He has a second car. Tell him you're not paying for anything.

Original poster
JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 18:59

The spare car was brought a few months ago, he wanted to use it as a work car. He doesn't want to drive his other car to work because of all the miles he does Hmm

OP posts:
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